Would this make me an awful mother? Leaving baby

[Mumguilt356]

Hello, first time mum to a 5month old here.

DD is currently exclusively breastfed and has never taken a bottle properly, despite lots of trying.
She IS currently interested in drinking a little bit of either formula or pumped milk from it, and gets briefly excited by the bottle.. but I can tell she sees it more like a play thing. She does drink but never more than 10/20/30ml.. and if she’s properly hungry will protest until she can drink properly from me instead.

I have a non child wedding coming up that would mean leaving her for most the day.. My question is is it awful of me to expect her to survive on tiny amounts of milk for 12hrs (at worst) or ridiculous that I actually expect that she’d drink more if I wasn’t around. I’m very aware babies are adaptable so I believe she’d be okay and actually drink.. my DH thinks it’s way more likely she’d refuse and be distressed.

What would you do? I don’t want to leave her in distress but equally think she’d be ok… am I being ridiculous to think so?

Thank you. Point proven. A HEALTH VISITOR WAS SUPPORTIVE!!!

(As in, I left my sister those options to try to feed my baby!)

Well, not to be morbid, but you could get hit by a bus tomorrow and your 5 month old would be fed somehow.

My three babies never took bottles, though we did try with each. I had to have emergency surgery when my first was a few months old and although she wouldn't take a bottle, she would drink from an open cup.

Personally, I'd not do it but that's not what you're asking. It's not about the feeding for me, just don't like being away from them for too long when they're tiny.

I cannot believe the responses on this thread. So many women in the US go back to work at 4 months. OP you are absolutely not being ridiculous. Jeez, so much judgement

is the wedding very soon or in a month or two? if it's after she's 6 months then it's easier I always found as OH can offer food and milk, whichever she prefers.

she might have more milk if from a sippy cup or similar rather than a bottle. or even an open cup with a lot of help.

Or if it's possible for OH to come and hang out nearby with her, and you feed her as necessary.

Or you could go to the wedding but for less time than you might if she reliably took a bottle.

I don't think you're a bad mum for considering it, but you might not enjoy it as much if you're worried about it. so it might be worth considering lots of options, and having plans A, B, C, etc!

She will be absolutely fine! I would definitely go.

I'm a childminder and have had loads of babies start who will only take 30 ml of milk - you just offer often. She won't dehydrate herself.

Five months and you'd leave your baby just to go go someone else's wedding knowing she could be digressed and hungry?

Madness.

I’m not sure parenting as though you’ve been hit by a by a bus is a good idea though. 🤷🏻‍♀️ One could justify an awful lot of neglect on that basis 🤣

I haven’t read the whole thread. but my daughter would never take a bottle and I wouldn’t have gone to a non-child wedding and left her for 12 hours without feeding. Apart from your baby being distressed, you’d be leaking milk and in pain yourself for 12 hours.

I just wouldn’t go, if she’s only taking tiny amounts of milk it would be distressing for her to be fed like that all day - maybe try the bottle for a few days before the wedding ? I sometimes pump and my dd refused the mam bottles but will take expressed milk from the nuk bottles with latex teat, could be an option but I definitely wouldn’t go to the wedding if she still isn’t taking a bottle by then

I wouldn’t do it, no.

Woah you'd risk a 5 month old getting dehydrated for a wedding? Starving, where they're not even taking milk from a bottle that well. Clearly a EBF baby it'll be distressed! Are you that selfish? I'm sorry but this doesn't even entertain thinking about!!

These are both such good points and entirely contradictory that I have no idea where I stand 🤣

Just because I made this mistake have you got the right teat for the flow rate? I didn’t realise they were different and gave my baby one that was too slow so she’d lose interest quickly.

Also try a sippy cup. Mine took to hers much more happily than the bottle.

Assuming it isn’t scorching hot, I don’t think you’d be wrong to go. Have a back up plan to leave early if needed. If it’s really hot I’d be more worried about dehydration.

Hopefully not in front of a bus 🤣

@Calliopespa good Lord. OP ignore posters implying neglect.

I can't think of anything worse than using 12 child free hours to go to a wedding but if it's important to you then her other parent should be able to feed her. Practice with different bottles and him, not you, doing the feeds.

Calm down. She asked for advice and the advice is that 12 hours without milk is too long for a five month old to go without a proper feed.

That’s not judging; it’s answering the question.

🤣

Have you tried cup feeding? https://www.royalberkshire.nhs.uk/media/e5ucfpik/alternative-feeding-methods-cup-or-finger-feeding.pdf

Regardless of the wedding it’s good to have a plan B in case you can’t breastfeed due to illness. Mine didn’t take the bottle but sipped from a little cup with practice if needed. I had a little soft silicone rimmed cup with a measure on the side.

Yeah mine would have been going off like fireworks after 12 hours. I got buzzing boobs after about 5 or 6 hours.

Start her now with times when bottle only is on offer and you are not around... see what happens. But you must be no where near or baby will know

Yes. She will smell you. Embarrassing but true.

And yes you'll need to plan to pump whilst away or your boobs will explode

If its just one evening I think she will be fine. She may not drink as much as usual but she will drink something. At 5 months it shouldn't matter too much.
I don't know what these other posters are on about.. she's 5 months not 5 weeks. She will be absolutely fine for one night only drinking a little. But chances are she will drink more if she can't see that you are there.
Either way she will be fine. She's at home with her dad.

Or you’ll get so desperate you’ll ask the wedding guest beside you to let down the pressure…