Would this make me an awful mother? Leaving baby

[Mumguilt356]

Hello, first time mum to a 5month old here.

DD is currently exclusively breastfed and has never taken a bottle properly, despite lots of trying.
She IS currently interested in drinking a little bit of either formula or pumped milk from it, and gets briefly excited by the bottle.. but I can tell she sees it more like a play thing. She does drink but never more than 10/20/30ml.. and if she’s properly hungry will protest until she can drink properly from me instead.

I have a non child wedding coming up that would mean leaving her for most the day.. My question is is it awful of me to expect her to survive on tiny amounts of milk for 12hrs (at worst) or ridiculous that I actually expect that she’d drink more if I wasn’t around. I’m very aware babies are adaptable so I believe she’d be okay and actually drink.. my DH thinks it’s way more likely she’d refuse and be distressed.

What would you do? I don’t want to leave her in distress but equally think she’d be ok… am I being ridiculous to think so?

Of course you can't leave her if she isn't feeding reliably

My goodness

Team Ridiculous here.

Have you tried leaving her for a couple of hours and seeing what happens?

You could leave her. Most likely she'll take the bottle. But DH has to be totally on board and prepared to keep trying.

Is the wedding somewhere your dh could drive to and stay near by and if it baby won't take any milk and isn't eating come to you at pre planned times for a feed or two?

I think honestly if at the absolute most she won't drink more than 30ml, you can't. That's barely any milk at all.
When is the wedding ? Will she have started solids?

I think it depends how long you've got until the wedding- if it's in a week or two then no, it would be cruel to leave her for a whole day when she's not feeding reliably and getting distressed. Could you go and be flexible to come home if she gets too distressed? DH needs to be on board to persevere a bit and not just call at the first sign of not wanting her bottle. Or is it feasible for your DH to bring her at a time she usually feeds for you to feed her then take her home again?

If you've got a while to go until the wedding then keep working on your DH feeding her and you going out for a couple of hours and building it up. My 2nd baby was a total bottle refuser for around 7 months and it took a long time for her to take one so I could go back to work, then she would just feed all night to make up for it. It was nursery that managed to get her to take one, and we built up how long she was there and how much milk she'd take, but she was a bit older and was eating some food too. My DH did try but he works away for 4 weeks at a time so it was never that consistent.

Have you tried the nanobebe bottles which are supposed to be similar to a breast? X

If you have a little while before the wedding I’d say why don’t you leave her for a few hours and see what she does. Or maybe you could try to get DH to start doing mornings/bedtimes a lot more so she gets used to feeding from him?

I think if baby hasn’t got a grasp on it by the wedding you’ll likely just be worrying about her all day, can you maybe just go for the ceremony if its near by?

You know you’re baby best, you’ll know what to do at the time x

No, you can’t do that, that’s an awful thing to
do.

I know it doesn’t seem like it now but in another 6 months it will be very different but not yet.

No you can’t leave her if she won’t feed reliably in your absence

Can't you have a test run before the wedding? Preferably a couple of test runs! Where you are close by but not home.

Yes, it would make you a shit mum. Can’t believe you’d even consider this.

Off topic. But what kind of couple don't expect breastfeeding mothers to bring their young babies!? I'd not go on principle and make it clear why!

But no you can't leave her if she's not feeding from anything other than you. At 5 months consider a cup/straw cup/sippy cup rather than a bottle if she won't take a bottle. But feel confide t she'll take it before you go to a wedding!

Don't listen to these nutters OP. After 5 months exclusively breast feeding you 100% deserve a break if you feel like it! So long as you are prepared to leave the wedding if it goes tits up for whoever is looking after her. Enjoy some time off go Mumma x

If she’s 5 months now then she’s not long off going to be having food? When I left my little boy I timed it around meals too so I knew he would have some of a bottle and then some veg? I definitely think it’s doable if it’s not tomorrow for example. She could be offered 30ml of milk every 45 min- 1 hour which would be fine in 1 day. Plus when you’re breastfeeding you’re doing it on demand so if she’s feeding every hour or two she might not be having loads anyway!

I went to a reunion when my DD was 5 months. She had some bottle my DM fed her but at the 8 hour mark she just wanted me. My breasts were enforced too.

I married her DF after she was born which informed my wedding invites: people could bring kids.

Ignore the others. She will be fine. She refuses the bottle because she has a choice. But once the boob is removed for 12 hours she will take the bottle and be fine. Maybe she will be weaning by then and that will help her get through the day.

I am speaking from experience after breastfeeding 4 children who are all healthy and dont hate me for leaving them for a short amount of time whilst they were babies. 💙

Tits up? Right……..

Really sorry but 5 months of breastfeeding doesn’t entitle anyone to let their baby dehydrate,

If you can’t be confident of her getting liquid into her op, you can’t leave her. She’s 5 months; she depends on that milk. It’s not like she’s a fussy toddler and DH can give her an ice cream.

Unlike everyone else, I don’t think that would make you a terrible mother. Both my DC went to nursery age 6 months when I went back to work. Both refused bottle at the time and it took about a month for each until they would take a reasonable amount (and they were only just starting solids so minuscule amounts of those). They survived by having massive feeds morning and evening (and night for one) and continued to breastfeed normally for the 4dpw I didn’t work. No one thought that was cruel, it was just what had to happen. So one day at 5 months is fine. Of course that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to get them drinking more from bottle - or at least your DH should whilst you leave the house for 2-3 hours. Good luck!

Just wondering whether it's an option to take her? A lot of child-free weddings will still let babies come because obviously many are breastfeeding and can't be left.

Edit to add: I don't mean you can't leave your baby. I think that depends how long you have until the wedding etc. It might be that the baby will take a bottle from someone who isn't you, as they smell your milk and demand that instead.

Of course she deserves a break, but that's not really relevant. It sounds like she's tried leaving the baby and she still hasn't fed (OP says she's just held out for her to return).
An exclusively breastfed baby who refuses a bottle and is too young for solids can't be left for a day without breastfeeding.

I agree that (depending on distance), OP could go and be happy to leave if necessary. But unfortunately, given that she has tried leaving the baby already, it does sound like it will be necessary.

Do you really think that is what OP or I am suggesting? I've never seen such judgement and encouragement of "Mum Guilt" in all my time on Mumsnet! Any of you judging this Mum or implying the baby will starve should be ashamed of yourselves. OP is asking if she can have some time to herself. She's not asking to neglect her baby. Her post clearly shows concern about being absent..... OP this thread is full of judgemental prissy idiot. Call the NCT feeding helpline for advice, you're clearly not getting good information here tonight sadly x

in answer to your specific question, yes you are being ridiculous.

I did it - my non bottle taking 5 month old I left for 20 hours to go to a wedding- I spoke to the health visitor before and she was fully supportive. I left my sister with fresh and frozen expressed milk, formula and baby rice options. She hardly had anything but was totally fine and had a massive feed when I got back the next morning.