To think DH is abusive towards the kids

[Bestmummy2]

DH is stay home dad but I think he is abusive towards the kids ages 4 and 6 yrs. Many times slaps them and shouts at them. I earn a great wage but recently stretched resources to get a 30% mortgage, so things will be a bit tight for a month or two. I pay the mortgage, bills and have a nanny to help out with kids due to aggressive behaviour. It breaks 💔 when I see the way he treats the kids, I am sure its worse when I am at work. I work long hours most of the time. 've told him to find job but doesn't want. Wants me to to get rid of the nanny but I have refused, done it before he was constantly complaining that he was going everything round the house. Told him to leave but he doesn't want to go. I would like to hear some positive experiences of stay at home dad s. Is his behaviour normal or me doing something wrong?

The only thing you’re doing wrong is staying with someone you know if abusing your children.

He hits and shouts and you are asking if that kind of abuse is normal.
he has to go

I don't have experience of stay at home dads. But I do have experience of abusive parents. If he's slapping them and hurting them, call the police and have him removed. It sounds like you can financially manage without him. Protect your kids and get him out of your home. I hope things work out for you ❤️

Why is he a stay at hone dad when you have a Nanny ?
Why doesn't he work ?

If someone was slapping my children s/he would be out the door faster than their feet can take them.

Take the nanny and the children and leave. File for divorce and put the house on the market.

What are you waiting for?

This is not normal it is child abuse.

Contact children's social care. The telephone number will be on the council website. If you need a safe place to make the call go to boots and ask to use their consultation room.

Tell children's social care what's happening and they will help you by making him leave and supporting you to sort things out. They will support the children.

Take care.

I say this as someone whose DH is a SAHD but you know this already - your DH's behaviour is not normal. If you're looking at interactions between them and it's making you sad, fearful, anxious, angry, or you can see it harming your children then it's not acceptable.

You don't have to accept it.

Get rid of the husband, not the nanny.

Get rid. Keep the nanny. Carry on without a disgusting abuser in your home. Your children and you deserve it

Do not let your children be abused by their father!!!!

Stop it now, leave him and stop being complicit. Your as much to blame if not

Op stop enabling him - not blaming you but don't let him do it for another minute.

Fucks sake….why are you letting this continue?

My DH's mother allowed him to be abused by his father, he no longer speaks to either of them. My husband and all his siblings have been in intense therapy for years and are still struggling with the abuse they faced. His father was very angry but didn't hit him.
It sounds like you have the resources to leave, please do.

Stayed to keep the family together. I am made to feel guilt for working long hours and not being there enough for the kids but i now think he is doing more harm and I am scared this could affect the kids long-term. I feel awful for tolerating it.

I am worried this could happen plus physical harm due to slapping.

If you've got any sense, you'll take action before the nanny or someone else reports you both to SS for this abuse....

What he's doing is appalling - and so is your enabling of it. Sorry.

You’re colluding in the abuse by staying. You know it’s wrong or you wouldn’t be posting here.

Can you make a plan to leave op?

I got the nanny because he was complaining that he was doing everything in the house and exhausted. Not interested in looking for employment.

Kick him out. Otherwise you are colluding in his abuse of your children. You could be seen as complicit if the nanny or someone from school reports this to social services.

What the actual fuck? He’s slapping your kids and you want to keep the family together? Of COURSE he’s doing long-term damage to your children. Kick him out.

If anyone slapped my children once, I would call the police. Do not accept or condone anyone assaulting your children.

There's nothing on this earth that would let me allow anyone lay a hand on my children. Kick the fucker out and report him to the police!

Jesus please call the police if he won’t go and get him out of your property- make a statement and get a restraining order. I am sorry but you need to safeguard your children as your number one priority. Today!

You need legal advice OP because he's their primary care giver. See a family law solicitor and take it from there.

Lawyer now!! (And if poss a Shit Hot Lawyer too)

Because he is a SAHD, you need to ensure he has as little chance as possible in becoming the RP once you separate.
The fact you have a nanny is great. Please keep her!
See what else could be done to protect the dcs.