To think DH is abusive towards the kids

[Bestmummy2]

DH is stay home dad but I think he is abusive towards the kids ages 4 and 6 yrs. Many times slaps them and shouts at them. I earn a great wage but recently stretched resources to get a 30% mortgage, so things will be a bit tight for a month or two. I pay the mortgage, bills and have a nanny to help out with kids due to aggressive behaviour. It breaks 💔 when I see the way he treats the kids, I am sure its worse when I am at work. I work long hours most of the time. 've told him to find job but doesn't want. Wants me to to get rid of the nanny but I have refused, done it before he was constantly complaining that he was going everything round the house. Told him to leave but he doesn't want to go. I would like to hear some positive experiences of stay at home dad s. Is his behaviour normal or me doing something wrong?

You already know what you have to do. Get rid. Yes, it may have real practical implications for your career, and yes, that's not fair but it is absolutely necessary.

He's an abuser. You need to protect your children and get him away from them. I don't understand how you can standby while he hits your children.

And btw if course he doesn’t want leave!
He doesn’t have to work.
Has plenty of money
AND he doesn’t have to look after the dcs either.

Who would want to give all that up?

wtf are you doing? Get him away from your children ffs

Honestly OP, read what you’ve put here. “Keep the family together” - why on earth would your children want to live with someone who physically and verbally abuses them? And they’re only little, as they get older their behaviour will be more testing, will you protect them before that slap is a punch?

Put hidden cameras up in the house as evidence for the divorce. If anyone asks you can say you were checking out the nanny. I had to do this with my ex as the court didnt believe there was abuse until I showed them.

Get a restraining Order! A grown ass man hitting kids? Nah

Jesus christ op
Kick him out and report to police or ss
If not your nanny probably will
Protect your children and yourself

Well, your husband is physically abusing your kids, you are aware of this and enabling it by leaving him alone with them to abuse them some more.

What advice is it you want exactly?

are you living in england, OP ?

You need to separate, I would also consider reporting the abuse to social work and/or police as in the event of a divorce he could seek substantial child custody given his history as their main “care” giver. If there is no record of his abuse he could claim your lying due to an acrimonious split.

@Bestmummy2 it’s him, get rid, protect your kids, protect yourself x.

This is absolutely INSANE.

Have you really just asked if it's normal to leave your children with someone who abuses them? Have you really just asked if it's normal for one of the grown ups in a partnership of two to not contribute anything at all to the partnership (given you have a nanny).

Who gives a shit if he doesn't want to leave? Tough shit.

If I were you I would be phoning the police now to detail the abuse. I would then be filing for divorce.

If I were me, I would have done the above the very first time he laid hands on my children.

Good point other posters that he might get primary care. Which he'll fight for as it means you'll pay him maintenance. So, you will have to get the police involved first.

Why are you allowing this loser to traumatize your kids? How do you know he won’t permanently physically harm (because he’s already permanently psychologically harmed) or even kill them?! Please for your sake and theirs get this man out now!

Call the police and get him removed from your house!

Why isn't he working if you have a nanny. Has he been signed off sick. If he is fit enough to work I'm waiting for someone to use the C word.

I'd call the police

You know how many times I've seen utubers like Emma Kenny telling real life story's about children being abused and dying in their own homes and the mothers had full knowledge of the situation??

You absolutely have to either kick him out or leave. He is hitting your little children!! If you don't protect them, who will? Please get this dangerous man out of their lives OP

Have you had any feedback from the Nanny about his behaviour with the kids? Does she have concerns about him?

Get urgent legal advice. You need a solicitor who has experience of cases where the mother was the breadwinner and the father a SAHP. This is really important.

Has your nanny witnessed any of his abusive behaviour? Might she be willing to make a statement and/or swear an affidavit to document these incidents?

Your children cannot advocate for themselves. You, the nanny and their schools are their only protective factors. Protect your children and get them away from this man immediately.

This is horrendous...your poor poor children.You are neglecting them by leaving them with someone you clearly know is abusive!! If it is breaking your heart why the hell are you allowing it? Fear?! Please do better....get your poor little children away from this man.
You are their mum and you need to protect them, they cannot do it themselves against such an evil bully.
Does he slap you too?

You feel awful yet you are not doing anything about it?!
Sorry but your username is ironic...you are failing your children here.