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hands up if you are a slummy mummy??

537 replies

nappyaddict · 13/04/2008 01:09

fantastic website here to give you tips

come on own up! what things do you do that make people gasp in horror? are you the sort of mum who wipes dummies and bottle tears on your tshirt and gives straight back if they get dropped? i have done it with biscuits too stuff the 3 second rule - it's 10 seconds here!! i always forget to wash my hands after nappy changes too and tbh i only use wipes and water for poohey nappies. with wet ones i just take it off and put the new one on straight away

i am often forgetting to brush ds' teeth. we never brush them at nighttime and he will sometimes go 2 days without having them brushed. must remember to step this up a bit when he gets his adult teeth.

i don't change ds' nappy as often as i should. i did have to dry ds trousers under the handdryer in the toilets though cos i had left one on too long. usually try and change him about every 4 hours but sometimes i just ... forget. he normally only has a bath and hairwash once a week but episodes like this mean he sometimes has an extra one midweek.

also once when we weren't travelling far and it was pitch black i didn't strap the car seat in properly, just put it on the back seat. we had a very awkward car seat that in 2 peoples cars does not strap in properly. i just made sure the front seat is right against it so it can't go anywhere. our car seat was one of those that lies flat when on the pushchair, so in the car is meant to be in the most upright position. at 3 months old this didn't look very comfortable but did it anyway as i couldnt get the car seat in my friends car if i didn't. cue gasps from this woman saying oooh he shouldn't be upright like that. cue her saying oh my dd got her ds one of those door bouncers - you should get him one. now to me they look dangerous!

oh and not really child related but i rarely wear a seatbelt myself. i do in other people's cars though ...

oh and weight limits and warnings on baby products. ds sat in his baby seat for months after he could sit up and was over the weight limit.

the only thing i would be anal about really is drawing on walls and ripping wallpaper which luckily ds hasn't done yet. he is allowed to play with balls in the house, and ride his trike and ride ons in the house too. i also let him push his cars along the wall. have to watch him at other people's houses cos they usually tell their kids off for that. will let him skate in the house too when he's old enough.

not at this stage yet, but my mum used to sometimes let me have the day off school just because and i will probably let ds occasionally have a day off. for me it was usually because i hadn't done some homework that was due in.

when i go out for the day and take milk i just shove it in my handbag - no chilled cool bags for ds! oh and i feed him cold milk and have fed him cold baby food before. i often don't plan meals then he is screaming for dinner so in a mad panic i will open the fridge i give him whatever is edible uncooked. yesterday he had ham, malt loaf with butter and a cherry yohghurt altogether on his highchair. he ate the yoghurt first. today he had banana, meatballs, yoghurt and chocolate brioche.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
madamez · 15/04/2008 09:47

Well, quite. Overbombing with disinfectants doesn't do a small child'simmune system any favours either, and trying to protect children from any kind of risk at all, ever, means they grow up not knowing how to look after themselves.

solo · 15/04/2008 09:59

That doesn't mean you shouldn't wash your hands after toileting or nappy changes or before food prep or eating. Basic stuff, very basic stuff

bluenosesaint · 15/04/2008 09:59

Oh Nappyaddict, no-one thinks he'd be better off without you, people are just concerned about a few things and are passing on some knowledge (which you did ask for).

Sorry you feel that way ...

Good luck

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annemarie29 · 15/04/2008 11:55

re the ss thing: actually you'd be very surprised how little it takes for them to get involved. i've had them involved just for my house being messy! this despite my dcs obviously being well cared for.
please be careful nappy... i'm sure you love and care for your beautiful ds but people can be very judgemental about stuff like this especially when you're a young mum. trust me i know, i had ds1 when i was 19 and was constantly watched by everyone around me!

NotDoingTheHousework · 15/04/2008 13:01

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annoyingdevil · 15/04/2008 14:00

Perhaps we should involve SS for the anti-bac, air freshen, disinfect & polish everything with chemicals brigade. I'm sure this does more damage than shudder unwashed hands. I'm sure the human race survived thousands of years without constant hand washing

annoyingdevil · 15/04/2008 14:05

Isn't there increasing evidence that sun protection maybe doing more harm than good. No sun exposure = no vitamin D produced.

madamez · 15/04/2008 18:52

Annoyingdevil: you do have a point there. The trouble is that many 'guidelines' which would be fine if interepreted by the exercising of the individual's braincells (use sunscreen on hot days especially between 11-3, wipe down surfaces regularly) are handed out as orders with no compromise (apply sunscreen or your DC will DIIIIIEEEEE) which not only means that reasonable people get pissed off with the rules and start bending them, but the more naturally obedient types start doing all the precautions to excess and do at least as much harm as good.

Janni · 15/04/2008 19:51

annemarie - now I'm worried. How messy, if you don't mind me asking?

fizzbuzz · 15/04/2008 20:26

There was an article in the New Scientist about the harm that over protecting from the sun was causing.

Too much cover up in Australia has led to increased incidences of rectal or bowel cancer (can't remember which), anyway, not enough vit D getting through.

Mamazon · 15/04/2008 20:34

janni - don't panic.

If social services get a referral they visit the house to do an assesment.

if the house is untidy then they will say so and will arrange another visit in a couple of weeks to ensure you have made efforts to clean the place up a bit.

Unless the house was constantly in a state then there would be no cause for concern.
though yes, if it is seen to be very messy more than once they would consider what else doesn't get as much attention as it should and will be more thorough in their investigation as it could be indicative of neglect.

madamez · 15/04/2008 21:16

Do you get any notice that they are coming round to check you've hoovered, or do they just turn up? Our house is pretty untidy too.

frankiesbestfriend · 15/04/2008 21:27

The reason I queried what it would take for SS to become involved is because a friends sister has 3 children, all born addicted to methadone, the mother is often in trouble with the police for shoplifting, driving without a licence etc.
None of her children have been taken into care, and as far as I know SS have little involvment with them.

Do they really become involved over messy houses and lack of hand washing?

annemarie29 · 15/04/2008 21:29

sorry janni. didn't mean to worry anyone. my house has been pretty trashed recently due to a new baby and hectic 3 year old plus tons of baby stuff that friends gave us that i just had no time to sort through.so someone reported me. ss actually do let you know they're coming which i thought strange.
luckily the hv was already helping me to get it sorted so i was ok but it was so stressful and i truly wouldn't wish it on anyone.
i just wanted nappyaddict to see how easy it is for things to get to that stage. it might seem a wonderful relaxed way to be but it can have these consequences (ss involvement).

luvaduck · 15/04/2008 21:51

bloody hell can't believe someone reported you for that annemarie. crazy. a "friend?"
sounds normal with a new baby to me...

Quattrocento · 15/04/2008 22:14

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ShinyPinkShoes · 15/04/2008 22:42

NA is there a Sure Start children's centre near you?

They run parenting programmes covering many of the issues you appear to be confused about. I think you and your DS would benefit hugely from such input.

Do yourself, but most of all your baby a massive favour and look into it.

madamez · 15/04/2008 23:12

Yes, Annemarie, do you know who reported you for being untidy? Because it sounds frankly malicious to me: if your DC are well-fed and clearly happy then WTF does it matter if there's dust on the picture rail and toys all over the floor?

TeenyTinyTorya · 16/04/2008 00:27

My mum's house has always been a pit - but with 6 children and 10,000 books, that's not surprising . I'm very surprised that social services would get involved over something like that - as long as the kitchen and bathroom are reasonably clean, what does it matter about a bit of mess?

Mamazon · 16/04/2008 00:32

What you should remember is that there is a difference between MEss and DIRT.

if a kid has un ironed clothes he looks messy, if he wears them for 3 days running its dirty.

If the toys are all over the frotn room because children have been playing its messy, if the carpet is covered in last weeks fag ash its dirty.

Messy is fine, dirty is not.

annemarie29 · 16/04/2008 00:33

no i don't know who reported me. i have been told a few times that it was a so called friend of mine but i'm not sure tbh.the sw said that the person who did it also claimed my dc are grubby and not looked after which i found quite shocking. i'm not the best housekeeper in the world but i do take care of my dc. the sw actually agreed it seemed malicious to her.

Desiderata · 16/04/2008 00:47

Nice post, Quattro ... but then, I guess your smelly nanny does a lot of that stuff for you, eh?

nappyaddict · 16/04/2008 01:24

i said i wasn't going to come back to this thread but i just want to clear one thing up.

i never said i didn't wash my hands after toileting or before preparing food did i?

still don't understand why when wee is sterile what you're all getting so het up about the nappy thing for. as i have said before i still disagree it is necessary if you are using cutlery and your hands aren't going near your mouth. how many people go to a restaurant and wash their hands before eating. hardly anyone and i know that because i see it every day.

there is a surestart but i'm not allowed to use it. i don't have the right postcode.

anyway that's all i had to say so good night.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 02:11

wow, quite a nasty post quattro. nappyaddict is a great mum, i'm absolutely sure of that, she just doesn't have a stick up her arse. lord knows i'm not nodding along at teh car seat thing but the rest, meh, nothing to get knickers in twists about.

Sakura · 16/04/2008 08:15

I get what nappyaddict is saying- a lot of the things on the list which have become normalised these days, like the constant hand-washing, are in fact a little anally retentive, and I'm sure that its only recently that people have become so finickety about these kinds of things- to the point that people who don't conform to the standards foisted upon us by marketing campaigns are considered slummy.

I have to mention my MIL here: her house is always pristine, she never shouts, and is perfectly turned out, but she is a nasty, snidey toxic person- a bully and an abuser, and I wouldn`T trust DD with her. SO I am at the idea that a messy house is any kind of reflection on a person's parenting.

On the other hand, there are certain things on the list that I think you could avoid- I do think if a child looks grubby people treat the child differently, but then there is a difference between caked on dirt, and 'just been in the garden' dirt.