How the fuck did people do this before the pandemic

[BluPeony]

Last year I had my first DC. I took my full year of maternity leave and added on a month of annual leave and I have enough left that I'm working 4 days/week until basically the end of the year.

There was a requirement for us to be in the office 1 day per week, now up to 2 days. It'll likely go up to 3 days by the end of the year. I don't know if they'll build up to full time because they're being very cagey and vague and actually we've recruited so many people that there aren't enough desks for everyone and before the pandemic the company was trialling loosening the office/WFH balance so that it didn't have to move into a larger office and pay more rent.

But anyway. My commute is 70-90 mins door to door. I go in on Mondays because it's a bit quieter on public transport and it's my partner's day off to look after the baby so I feel okay about being so far away.

I've been trying to decide which other day to go in and it's just shit no matter which way you look at it. I would have to drop my baby off at nursery when they open at 8am on the dot and I'll still be in the office after 9am - so I'm screwed if anyone puts in a 9am or early meeting. I'd have to leave work early to make sure I can pick him up when they close at 6 and I'd still be in deficit with my hours and would need to make the time up somewhere. My partner can't do the nursery runs because he has compressed his hours to allow him to be at home on Mondays and he doesn't have an option to WFH.

We're discussing one of us going part time, etc etc to try and make this work but it got me wondering how on earth people did this before/do this now if they can't work from home - do you just only see your baby at the weekend?? Do you work part time? Give up work? What about maternity pay if you want another baby?

I'm exhausted. I hate going in to sit at my desk on a Teams call with other people at their desks. I hate that I'm missing out on so much with my baby. I feel like I'm becoming a shittier mum with a short temper because of the stress and tiredness. I was just getting into the swing of things before I went back. I'm feeling very sorry for myself tonight and not looking forward to my commute tomorrow at all.

It's horrendous. I really feel for all of you struggling like this. No wonder the birth rate is plummeting.

I went back full time after first baby, part time after second baby and gave up work after baby number three and was a SAHM until youngest started school, then worked termtime. DH worked long hours and away for work a lot and I just couldn't juggle it all on my own. We didn't have a lot of money but I don't regret it, I loved being home with them all and look back on those years as some of the happiest.

That's a long commute. Mine was less than that, and I was fortunate to work on a campus with a work place nursery. I liked having my babies near where I was working incase they needed me. I was also breastfeeding so I could go over a BF at lunch time. The car journey was time together.

I had more work flexibility with my second son, but with my first son I was full time normal office hours.

It was the norm. My older son is 25 now so it's a long time ago and most people didn't have the capability to WFH (slow dial up). I was young, the days were long, I am in a profession that didn't really accommodate part time working at that time.

Things are much better now.

In some ways the nursery years were easier as we could use it from 8-6 if we needed, so a more flexible window of time compared to school hours, and of course there were no school holidays.

It was bloody horrid. I felt I was letting work down and my child. I lost the plot mentally. It was so hard. So I went part-time. My career went blurgh. Following children meant more maternity leave, more juggling.

DP worked away alot. No family to support. But had a decent nursery. Was more tricky when they went to school and those schools hols more excessive than my annual leave (sorry - not helping).

Mine are now teens. We survived. My career changed.

Please don't 'burnout.

Maternity leave was 6 weeks when my kids were born, you could take longer but it was unpaid. There was one nursery in our town with a waiting list as long as your arm. So I gave up my full time job and worked Friday and Saturday night shift 8pm - 8am. If it was a bank holiday weekend I did Sunday night too. Also did extra when DH was on annual leave, we couldn't afford to go away so might as well be earning

It's very unusual to have such a long commute. I believe most (if avoiding rush hour), would have a 20-40 min commute.

Also, most nursery's open by 7.30, some at 7.

I used a nursery near work, this meant I only had a ten minute walk from nursery to work. I would never choose a job that far away from home, so if covid had been when our son was at nursery and we had decided to take up a place (LAC so he would have been offered it), I could still drop him off at nursery and be home in time for work, it also meant if I was too ill to work the walk to drop him off at nursery wasn’t very far.

Of course, I might be showing my age here… but what do you mean by “there were no school holidays”?

How was school structured back then?
its very interesting now! 😅

She meant the nursery years are easier, school holidays are difficult for working parents.

Looking back I do not know how we managed. But we did because we had to. I wasn't well paid either, but I did have a long commute on public transport.

This was 2017 for us. We both worked 4 days for a while so that we each had one day off with the baby. We were unusual though, I didn’t know many who did that. Lots of people I worked with had help from family with childcare. A few people I knew went very part time and/or one of the parents worked close to home/the nursery.

I looked at compressed hours quite a few times but always decided against it because it made the days so long and meant I couldn’t do drop offs/pick ups. Which was a problem, as you’re discovering!

I had 3 children before the pandemic, I went part time (3 days per week). I had my first child in 2010 and have only just gone back to full time this year.
Most people went part time after maternity leave that I knew.

Omg! 🤭
read that completely wrong hahaha. Thanks

Some managed some didn’t.

I was lucky I was able to return part time after DC1 and got a very good child minder who actually lived on my street.

After DC2 I was made redundant so no job to go too. I’d have had it cushy if I had as I’d have still been able to stay part time, but when I looked for work it was a very different story.

in the end I became a SAHM as my DCs were in nursery (we’d moved so lost child minder) 10 hours a day and I was taking home all of £10/month after childcare costs so I left. We had no other childcare options but full time childcare.

Upside is DH was able to focus on work and wasn’t taking as many sick days to look after sick children and I’m available for all medical appointments, sick days and school activities. Before anyone goes on about why DH got to stay in work, I didnt want to. He is better educated than me, enjoys his work and I enjoy not having to deal with dickheads all day, taking a nap before the school pick up, shopping, going to the park after school and just being home.

I stayed at home and didn't return to work until my last child was in year 4

I'm not entirely sure I belief that taking a few years out to stay at home with your kids is the career suicide we've been led to believe, especially now that we are working till we're 67. Plenty of time to work.

DH dropped off and I did pickups. Made up the hours in the evening.
More than a little tiring

It wasn't just you! I'm glad you asked as I was confused too 🤣

I also have a 70-90 minute commute.

I work 4 days a week and I'm in the office 2 out of those days. I drop DD at nursery just after opening and get to the office around 9.30am. I leave around 4.45pm so I can be home by 6ish to spend an hour with her before bed. Then when she's in bed I log back on and do another 2-3 hours work. On my working from home days I try to log off at 5.30pm and not log back on again, but sometimes I have to. I am basically always "on" to some degree, even on my NWD. But I try not to check emails at the weekend as that's family time.

It's hard and I'm tired, but I love my career and don't plan on more children.

Childminder finished at 5.30pm so MIL was really helpful (she was still working but finished early) and would collect dc from cm. We would get home between 6pm - 7pm.

Not commuting from the southeast into London, they wouldn’t.

Oh, and if you need to drop off and pick up at nursery open/close, you are by definition commuting at rush hour

We opted to live in London so we could have an easy commute (10 min cycle/25 min walk). We like the city lifestyle for other reasons too, but life in general is far easier being within walking distance of nursery/school/work/amenities, and we get more quality time with the dc.

I gave up work and became a SAHM, DH was working really long hours and we had no family help. Most other people I know had family help at least a few days a week. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, I was there for every school run, every doctors spot, every time they were unwell, every school holiday, every school event. I then retrained as a teacher and work term time.

ironically, due to covid DH WFH full time now we don’t need any childcare now we are both working full time and the sacrifices we made when the DV we’re small have been worth it.

I work in healthcare so no WFH for us! DD is grown up now so no more childcare (thank goodness). I made things work as a single mum by only doing part time and having very helpful, supportive family members who looked after DD when necessary.

30-40 min commute max for both parents and a bit of flex in working hours so one started early and did pick up, other finished late and did morning drop off. Dh took Mondays off and worked over weekend.

I couldn't have done it with a 90 minute daily commute. Jobs closer to home, or home closer to jobs was the answer for us. It meant some tough choices.

It’s hard.

We used a childminder - we found them to be more flexible and more
of a home from home.

I worked park time - 3 days. Family helped 2 days per week too.

Eventually I increased my hours slightly and DH compresses his hours to do a 9 day fortnight.

I returned to work FT when both kids were in school.