No one coming to DS's party. Should I cancel?

[Doritosforever]

Hi All,
I've booked a party for my 6 year old DS and no one seems to want / be able to come. I had 1 response by the RSVP deadline, so have chased all via WhatsApp or at the school gates. All have either seen WhatsApp and ignored it or said they can't make it.
I sent the invite out 2.5 weeks before with a RSVP of 7 days before the party. We invited all but 3 in the class (various reasons). The teacher said my DS is liked by all and plays with lots of different children.
I had to pay in advance and was a minimum of 20 kids, so £150 paid. We were doing our own food, the party is Saturday so not got it yet.
Currently 1 child from school going and 1 from out of school. The out of school parents didn't bother to reply either!
How depressing will it be having 3 kids in a room that fits 40.
Would you cancel? Should I cancel? DS is very emotional and will be heart broken either way.

I would do this and maybe add in with finalising numbers and need to know how many party bags to prep or something. I had very few responses to one of DD's first parties and think it was partly down to parents never having seen me as DD was in wraparound care. I did have a couple of parents message on the morning saying that they were coming.

I’ve had to cancel and reschedule two parties in the past when they’ve clashed with another class party and they got their invite out first. I have usually given three weeks notice any longer and I’ve found people forget. I’d do a follow up WhatsApp asking for RSVPs if no luck then I’d cancel and go to the cinema or bowling with those who have RSVPd

Yes, if England finish second in their group they'll be playing Germany on Saturday night. However you'd have to be a pretty hardcore fan to work out the possible permutations of the scheduling 2.5 weeks ago, and it would be unusual if all but one of the invited families was so a) rude and b) invested in the football that they would keep the OP hanging just in case England happened to be playing later in the day of a six year old's party.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. My heart actually twinged for you and your son when I read it. If I was there, I'd come (and bring my whirlwind 2YO).
I hope things work out

I'd 100% postpone the party, maybe do it at the start of next term. Gives people a chance to book it into their diaries.
It would be shattering for your DS to have almost no one attend

My dgs was invited to a trampoline party of someone he didn’t particularly like. He was actually already invited to the party taking place just before it. He decided that he would go to both parties seeing as he was going to be there anyway.

It turned out that only 2 people went to the second party, dgs and another child that dgs didn’t know. The excuse everyone else gave was that they were already going to a party that day and didn’t want to go to a second one. The poor mother and her ds were distraught, which became even worse when they saw all his other classmates leaving, while they were arriving. Is there any chance that there could already be a party (that your ds hasn’t been invited to) happening on the same day?

Defo give more notice next time. If I was you I'd take the hit and forget the hall and take the three of them out to a soft play and a Nando's or something like that. They can still have a great time but not much point in a giant hall if there's only a few of them. Try not to let your son know why you are changing plans.

Thank you all again for your replies and for so many being kind.
I've been honest with DS. After the tears stopped he said that he didn't want to invite anyone else, but have his party with his friends who can come, even if there are just the 3 of them because they will have fun.
For me the main thing is people not replying to the invite so I have no idea about food, cake and party bags. I'm doing individual packup type boxes so am I supposed to make up spares? My DS asked for the party as his present, we have obviously got him presents as well. We agreed as it would be his last 'big' party so I wanted it to be nice.
We have hardly any family and non with young children (under 18) to make up numbers. We're older parents so friends children are all 14+.
One of the parents has seen this post and replied. It does seem there is a clash with a local sports tournament. She knew it was me by the 2 not invited. She said her DD would not want to go if the bully was going, she's coming because he isn't!
We can't get a refund and they won't change the date. I've definitely learnt from this and the advice given.
For those that have asked the girls has a bone condition, the smallest bump can cause her bones to break. We would ask her mum about any future parties with minimal risk like the cinema.
I'm going to send a reminder WhatsApp just to try and confirm numbers.

Oh you sweet summer child, every school has bullies

OP I'm a bit worried the bully's mum has started spreading shit about you in whatsapp groups or something...the apple doesnt fall too far from the tree unfortunately

Aw that's a shame. I think it's just the time of year. I doubt sending invitations earlier would make any difference, no one is going to sacrifice a summer family event or weekend away for 2 hours in soft play. I had a party for my son and people were at weddings, christenings, on holiday. None of which would be altered by sending invitations out a few weeks earlier..

I suggest in future contact the key friends first before choosing the date. Also some will probably turn up without rsvp ing. Also consider doing a party after school instead of at the weekend - depends on the demographic but you may find more people free.

I'm sure your son will have a great time with the few who turn up - he's made the decision to go ahead and that's good

June Saturdays are premium for events - I wouldn’t take this personally. The parents don’t want to be in a sweaty soft play for a random class birthday when they could be at their sisters bbq / beach etc.

I have a mid July child and when she was at primary after school in the last week of term worked well ideally on the actual day. Kids a captive audience as come straight from school and everyone in a good mood looking forward to summer but not gone away yet and not using up a pre summer hol weekend.

Send out one more text asking to let you know either way. So you know. Then if its 3 I'd take them out to a smaller activity. Explain to the venue they may let you gold the ones for a party next year instead. Do it now though.

Don't make up spares. If they didn't reply, dont let them attend. Not having a place, food, party bag is a natural consequence.

Could you offer a few spaces to some kind of kids charity or something?

People are incredibly rude when they don’t reply. It’s fine if they can’t come because they have other plans but it only takes a minute to let the person know.

This happened with my DDs party (in nursery so no WhatsApp). I had to write individual letters to all the parents invited reminding them about the party and thankfully most then RSVP’d. I always respond to invites straight away now, either we have no plans and can go or already have plans and can’t go. It’s not hard.

It’s non refundable and your son still wants the party so I would just go ahead. Ask the parents of the children who have confirmed if they have any siblings who would like to come. If not I’m sure he will still have a great time. It’s also likely some of the others will turn up so I would make some spares just incase.

Also slightly worried now as I will only be able to give 3 weeks notice for my DDs party in September. She starts school at the start of September and the party is the end of September. I would have thought 3 weeks notice was fine.

It's horrible when it's like this. The last night party I did I invited all the girls in the class and if about 14 I had to individually text each of 7 the week before as I'd have had to give final numbers to the venue.

If you can't change the date or get a refund I think as long as he's prepped it's going to just be a couple of kids, it might actually be quite fun to have the run of the place. I think it will be ok.

This really won't be the case. Whether you think it's a good idea or not, do you really think there is some side group where everyone is comparing what invites they've had?

i wonder if you get some responses if you ask people individually as suggested upthread? Hi Laura, I am doing one last check of numbers for Saturday and can't see your rsvp. Timmy would be thrilled if Lottie can make it. Thanks'

That might make people abit more accountable?

Oh I'm so sorry this is happening!
My son has had a couple parties which have involved inviting children from school and every single time the rsvps have come in like the week or even day before the party!!!!
It's so frustrating! I think people just forget to rely or loose the invite... or wait to see if anything better comes up!
I hope you start getting some rsvps soon!
Last time I asked my son to ask his friends if they were coming and for their mummy's/daddy's to let me know 😅 They all talk about it at school so I didn't see any harm!

That's a shame We actually started doing parties Friday after school as people don't always want to be going to class party on a weekend afternoon. I started doing this for DS once they started footie & rugby (so year 1) as footie was Saturday & rugby was Sunday. So adding a party on top was a long day for the kid & the parents.

It sounds like there is a clash on this occasion - will the venue at least change the time? It seems a bit harsh to refuse to budge.

There's lots happening this time of year so it seems genuine there might be a conflict of interests.

This is insane. The logical natural consequence to being a bully is your victims don't want you at their special occasions.

This bully conversation is bringing back memories for me. When my sister was little, my parents decided to invite the class bully to her birthday party in the name of being kind to everyone. He was never invited to things.

The boy got jealous, swore at a lot of other kids and scared them, pushed her over, knocked her cake on the floor intentionally, and his parents didn’t even send a gift or collect him on time. We had to sit there with a furious little boy with no parents in sight for about two hours after the party wrapped up. Really sad in hindsight, but totally disruptive and made for a difficult party.

OP. Wishing you all the luck in getting this sorted. Not bothering to send an RSVP - even a ‘no’ is so impolite.

I'd ditch the individual pack up idea and go for something like:

• 2 for £3.50 bakery mini cakes - groceries.asda.com/promotion/2-for-3.50/ls94360
• 2 for £3.50 party savoury snacks - groceries.asda.com/promotion/2-for-3.50/ls93348
• whatever is in the 2 for... deal on biscuits groceries.asda.com/promotion/2-for-1.90/ls94485
• bag of satsumas
• punnet of grapes
• bunch of bananas
• pack of cherry tomatoes
• multipack of store brand mixed flavour crisps
• multipack of store brand fruit shoots - groceries.asda.com/product/flavoured-water/asda-blackcurrant-flavoured-kids-still-water-bottles/910003055416

Should come in about £20-25 maybe less in Aldi or Lidl and they often do big trays of mini cupcakes which go down well.

Take paper plates and a selection of cutlery, if you have any big plastic serving dishes or bowls to put everything on, if not you can get the big foils platters in B&M or pound shop.

Then let them help themselves, typically kids don't actually eat much at birthday parties, they just nibble on a few bits then get distracted. That much food would be big plates of stuff for 3 kids but would give everyone something if 7 showed up. Anything left over can go in pack lunches during the week after.

Obviously if you're aware of any allergies etc for the ones who have RSVP'd you'd need to tailor the selection but you can't accommodate what you don't know about.

Text everyone individually like others have said. The lady who saw it in here has made me think maybe others are worried the bully is attending.

I’ve seen the class bully hurt a child at a party and his parents did nothing about it. It’s a risk I won’t take at a party or play date etc.

Everytime we've done the whole class soft play type party I've found they break off into smaller groups of twos and threes anyway. Your DC will have a wonderful time with the friends that come. Children don't see it like adults do. When my DD was younger we only had 6 children turn up for a soft play party. I thought my DD would be upset but they all ran off to play individually as soon as they arrived and my DD mainly played with her best friend and didn't notice at all. They all had a lovely time and it was a calmer, less stressful party for me as there were fewer kids to manage, especially for the food.

You could send a message out saying the cut off for ordering the individual pack ups is 9am tomorrow. If you say ordering food people might think it is a buffet and that there will be something to eat even if they haven't responded. Make sure you write the names of the children who rsvp'd on the boxes and hand them out yourself to make sure they actually get them.

The 3 who aren't invited -all the parents will be aware of the request for no invitations for the child with medical issues, at least some will be aware that 1 child will be on holiday, and knowing that the bully isn't invited is more likely to increase attendance than turn people away IME. Why would you invite anyone who is going to make you miserable/scared/worried regardless of your age?