No one coming to DS's party. Should I cancel?

[Doritosforever]

Hi All,
I've booked a party for my 6 year old DS and no one seems to want / be able to come. I had 1 response by the RSVP deadline, so have chased all via WhatsApp or at the school gates. All have either seen WhatsApp and ignored it or said they can't make it.
I sent the invite out 2.5 weeks before with a RSVP of 7 days before the party. We invited all but 3 in the class (various reasons). The teacher said my DS is liked by all and plays with lots of different children.
I had to pay in advance and was a minimum of 20 kids, so £150 paid. We were doing our own food, the party is Saturday so not got it yet.
Currently 1 child from school going and 1 from out of school. The out of school parents didn't bother to reply either!
How depressing will it be having 3 kids in a room that fits 40.
Would you cancel? Should I cancel? DS is very emotional and will be heart broken either way.

Oh god this sort of thing would be a nightmare for me too 😥

Hopefully it’s the time of year/other pre-existing plans that’s the cause of most non-attendees. I think in your shoes I would either (1) take the loss of £150 and book an amazing activity for the 3 boys - obviously not affordable for everyone but just to avoid your DS being disappointed or (2) send out an invitation to one of the local WhatsApp groups I’m in - local mum ones in my case to see if anyone fancies a free activity & food, making it clear presents not expected.

When my eldest was in reception, basically this situation happened to a classmate. In her case she had invited the whole class and one of the boys told a few other boys not to go 😱. It was also during a heat wave in June so not the best for soft play. DS moaned a bit but I insisted that he went. There were about 6 kids out of 28 but he had a ball. I think age 6 is ok for this situation - you’ll probably feel more self conscious about the numbers rather than your DC.

Years ago my dsis invited the whole class to my nephews party and not one person rsvp’d! She was going to cancel the party but decided to go ahead even if it was just my nephew and ds. They all turned up! I think a lot of people just can’t be bothered rsvping. I would give it one last push this week on WhatsApp.

I'd try to postpone the party to September, when you can give people more notice

Or, invite other friends / family / colleagues / neighbours with children to bump up the numbers

Explain to your DS that it's the timing of the party that's the issue, not people rejecting him

I have to say I would bend over backwards to make sure my child attended, if it were clear you were struggling for numbers. We have had some crazy juggling over the years to fit in parties between DC various activities/family occasions. Once 2 parties on the same day, in a town 1 hour away, with a massive gap in between….. It can be a pain but I would hate to be on the receiving end of non-RSVPs or multiple refusals

@MerchSwyddEfrog I'd be livid if a whole class turned up unexpectedly

Problem is, too many people think it's OK if they don't reply as it's "just one more / less child"

What about the other two?

@LazyGewl the op has answered that. One's mum asked her not to be invited as she has a medical condition meaning she couldn't go and the other is on holiday.

It was pretty mean to leave three kids out. That really isn't on. Its unusual to get just one response but usually a few people don't get round to responding.

I think it was a sort noticed. At the beginning of June I had to confirm two Birthday parties assistance for mid July. It is summer and people start to do stuff outside.

I know that doesn't solved anything but I think is just the timing.

Could it be something to do with 'inviting all but three'?

I agree with everyone who said that 2.5 weeks notice in the summer where people have weekends booked up quickly is nowhere near enough time - I would guess that most people thought their kid was a last minute addition to a long planned party, so aren't inclined to re-arrange things for them to attend.

In my experience, the done thing is to send the invitations at least 6 weeks in advance, and if it's a venue that needs payment at the time of booking people even send 'save the date' invitations 2-3 months beforehand.

Hope your son has a nice birthday regardless!

Sometimes it feels like you can't do right for doing wrong as there are a lot of posts saying you haven't given enough notice but inviting people too early is often also a no-no on MN. Regardless of when you sent the invitation it's downright rude to just completely ignore it.
Could you message the rude parents who haven't replied individually, be honest & say you've not had many responses, could they reply yes or no by X date as you need to make a decision whether to go ahead with the party or not?

Call the venue today, explain the issue and ask if they have any suggestions.

Open it to the siblings of the two who are coming. Can you add an activity?

This is a good idea but maybe just mention you're only asking in case ppl intend on turning up because no one has replied and you're not sure of numbers!!!

No one is coming because you've excluded 3 children from the class when they are only 6 years old.

I have had other parents check with me that the school bullies are not attending my child’s parties. They didn’t want their child being bullied outside of school and they don’t want the drama and confrontation of a situation arising at a party when the parents of the child may be there.

Have reread thread

• still think you can't leave out the one "bully". He is only 6 and the adults around him should be working on the behaviour
• 2.5 weeks isn't enough notice.

I'd say people are just waiting to see closer to the time if they can manage to bring their kid or whatever.

That's just how it is with some people. They might not answer but they will still go.
The mother doesn't want to commit too early in case she has to change the arrangement due to some other commitment at the weekend.
Some people work at weekends and have to get a grandparent to drop or collect from the party.

If the parent accepts and says Yes, then has to cancel later it's worse for everyone.

I certainly wouldn't be inviting my childs bully to their party. Would you invite your child's tormentor to their party?

OP don't take it as rejection of your son, I agree that the invites were just sent out too late. I'm sure if they were sent out earlier then a lot more would come. You'll know for next time. I'd probably still have the party seeing as it's being paid for and try and pad out the party with family members, neighbours kids and sibling of kids attending the party.

I would cancel it.

I would tell your ds that instead you are going to do [whatever] - Legoland or whatever excited him

I'd say go ahead with the party. Even 3 of them will have a good time.
I suspect a few will show up though. Everyone likes their child to go to a party unless they can't afford a present.

Your child will have had a good party.
At age 6 the kid won't care who shows up unless their mother's insecurity makes her keep banging on about the lack of attendees.

You were paying the 150 anyhow.

If no one else shows, keep telling your kid that people are away, couldn't come etc.

I agree that a badly~ behaved child who ''hits everyone'', that other children are wary of, isn't going to be top of anyone's invite list.

Why would anyone invite a child with such poor social skills?

If adults were having a Birthday party, would they invite the workplace bully? Of course they wouldn't.

I'd send message each parent individually, Dear x
Hope you're well.
We' re just finalising numbers for my childs birthday. Can child come?
Thanks,
Louise

@Doritosforever

I do think a party needs about a months notice - and to check no clashes with other parties, school fairs etc.

Also think a class party needs to be a class party - with no exclusions. Either that, or a small group party.

Defining a child as a ‘bully’ if really tricky. There may be other Mum’s who don’t see it that way at all, and are friendly with the family and think the exclusion is wrong.
TBH, although my children like a big party - they equally enjoy a day out with just a few friends and family to celebrate - and I personally find it’s lot less stressful!
I’d cancel, have a really fun day out with a small group - and then reorganise giving a month’s notice if DS still wants a class party. And I think you need to invite everyone, some parties are staffed who can help manage behaviour - and it might help DS to bond with who have been deemed the ‘bullies’. Bullies are everywhere in life, and I think it’s best to learn to live with the behaviour - rather than exclude.