No one coming to DS's party. Should I cancel?

[Doritosforever]

Hi All,
I've booked a party for my 6 year old DS and no one seems to want / be able to come. I had 1 response by the RSVP deadline, so have chased all via WhatsApp or at the school gates. All have either seen WhatsApp and ignored it or said they can't make it.
I sent the invite out 2.5 weeks before with a RSVP of 7 days before the party. We invited all but 3 in the class (various reasons). The teacher said my DS is liked by all and plays with lots of different children.
I had to pay in advance and was a minimum of 20 kids, so £150 paid. We were doing our own food, the party is Saturday so not got it yet.
Currently 1 child from school going and 1 from out of school. The out of school parents didn't bother to reply either!
How depressing will it be having 3 kids in a room that fits 40.
Would you cancel? Should I cancel? DS is very emotional and will be heart broken either way.

I am pretty sure this wouldn't have happened. Parents really do not care as long as their child is invited. My children have been left out of parties before and nobody has boycotted the event. More likely they are booked up already.

How disappointing, I’m sorry. Parties here are planned months in advance especially this time of year as so many people are busy. We have two venues people use and they book up way ahead so we tend to work around that. I expect that’s more the issue than friendship issues.

Excluding 3 kids may also have an impact if the parents are friends with lots of the others. Of course your son wouldn’t want his bullies there but it would have been better to invite half the class or a smaller group so it was less obvious.

What do you want to do now? I think it’s cancel and arrange something else.

I think it’s short notice. I’ve got birthdays in my calendar right up until the end of July. Summer term is always hectic with events. One of my DDs is August but I never do a birthday party before school breaks up because I know how busy people are and how reluctant they are for kids parties. I wait until September.

Anyway, I think if you can’t afford to leave the deposit open the party up to siblings and family.

Can you send one last message mentioning a hall has been paid for and will have to be cancelled if no-one replies and that ds is a bit gutted?

Could you take the children that can come for a different activity....like bowling and McDonald's. Tell a white lie to your son the original party was cancelled because the place it was being held at has had a flood. Therefore you are doing a mini party with just a couple of friends.

I would send out a group Whatsapp explaining that since no one has replied to the party invite it will have to be cancelled unless there are enough responses by the end of the day. People probably don't realise that no one is committed, they don't think it matters if it's just them not going.

If no one commits after that then cancel it and take a much smaller number of children out for a lovely day somewhere. They will have just as good, if not a better time and your son will forget the disappointment as long as he has a nice day.

I think people are just being crap about saying yes. It's not the time of year, I have 3DC and my June child always got the most people at her parties, it's the December child that really suffered with families being away etc.

This would sound a bit desperate and pressurising. Can you ask the venue if you could move the date to September? Alternatively how far away is the venue? Is it easily accessible? People won't necessarily travel long distances. Alternatively you could invite the siblings too to help with logistics of some parents. Can you approach school about singing Happy Birthday to your child in class to make the day special?

I would send one more reminder today, mention it’s this Saturday and ask for food allergy info all in one. And see if you get any responses. That depends on when your last WhatsApp reminder was sent.

I was thinking this too.

I would take them to legoland or whatever is closest to you with everyone that has confirmed. Any stragglers will be told that it’s too late to join sadly.
More notice and not at the end of term we’re mistakes clearly, but the rudeness of no reply is unforgivable. Sell the new idea to your son as an upgrade.

No, I am not buying that.

I would dump the hall and do something nice with the three children that are free . I know it’s a waste of money but DS could at least still have a lovely birthday that way

This is slightly unusual. Are the others aware you have excluded only three children? They are only six and six year olds mess up. It is quite cruel to exclude them. The other mothers might be wondering if their child will be next. All the parents at my son’s school invited everyone or about 3 or 4 close friends. It would have made us feel uncomfortable if someone did anything else.

This is what I would do and I'd make it extra special for him. It's a shame you've lost the money but I'd take the hit for the sake of your son and make his birthday extra special in other ways.

When I was a child birthday parties were often things like choose 3 friends and have a fun day out and a McDonald's. Whole class parties are a recent thing.

That is so sad, I'm sorry for your son 😔

What rubbish, I don’t give a second thought to who’s been invited and who not - that’s entirely up to the party organisers, none of my business whatsoever.

The only poor form in this situation are people not RSVPing one way or the other.

If you message the hall now and carry over the deposit for next year.

Maybe just take the few boys out for cinema and tea instead

I’ve just remembered a party a couple of years ago during the tail end of covid which ended up being the birthday child, DD and one other. It was before they started school so it was nursery friends and family friends but for various good reasons almost everyone bailed. It was a huge hall and they’d hired soft play equipment, the kids ate pizza and played with balloons, danced, had cake and they had a brilliant time. The parents are glad they didn’t cancel that one. Different because they were younger I know.

That sounds really tough. Since your son is so excited, consider going ahead with a smaller party. It could still be a special day for him, even with a few friends.

For two of my sons’ parties only two and three people came and they had a blast! The people who are able to come should be acknowledged/should get their day out- definitely go ahead, albeit it may just have to be a soft play outing/party at home but pull out all the crazy fun stops and have fun!!

It's absolutely OK to leave out bullies or rough children - Who on earth would want them at a party, running riot, hurting others? Certainly no parents I know of.

@Doritosforever DS {Now adult} has a late July Birthday that naturally always fell in the Summer hols when lots of friends were away on holidays - But back then I could only afford a small party, say with six children including DS.

I do think smaller parties can be much nicer than huge ones - Could you cancel and have a very small party instead?

Round our way, invites are more like 2 months in advance not 2 weeks.

Good idea