No one coming to DS's party. Should I cancel?

[Doritosforever]

Hi All,
I've booked a party for my 6 year old DS and no one seems to want / be able to come. I had 1 response by the RSVP deadline, so have chased all via WhatsApp or at the school gates. All have either seen WhatsApp and ignored it or said they can't make it.
I sent the invite out 2.5 weeks before with a RSVP of 7 days before the party. We invited all but 3 in the class (various reasons). The teacher said my DS is liked by all and plays with lots of different children.
I had to pay in advance and was a minimum of 20 kids, so £150 paid. We were doing our own food, the party is Saturday so not got it yet.
Currently 1 child from school going and 1 from out of school. The out of school parents didn't bother to reply either!
How depressing will it be having 3 kids in a room that fits 40.
Would you cancel? Should I cancel? DS is very emotional and will be heart broken either way.

Hi OP, I just did my 7yo's whole class party at the end of May.

FWIW I sent out personal save the date messages to the 10 or so kids he is really friendly with about a month in advance.

Then followed up those personal ones 2 weeks ahead with more info and final timings.

Then I did paper invitations to the whole class about 2 weeks ahead (we don't have a whole class whatsapp group so mostly I didn't have contact info for those parents).

It was the first Saturday of half term so I expected lots would be away/busy and maybe 8 didn't reply at all. But we had a good 3/4 of the class there on the day and extra non-school friends so it went really well in the end.

I think maybe people like the 'personalised' approach of a DM saying "my kid would love to see your kid at his party, we hope you can make it!" over just getting generic copied messages? But I don't know for sure.

In your shoes I'd chase once more, emphasising that you might change to a smaller venue if only very few people are free (so that you don't cancel then get folks turning up on the day - which is annoying for both sides!) and if you STILL have only a handful of kids confirmed then change the plan for a smaller event - still go to the soft play but cancel the private room and just let them run around - maybe see if the venue will do food and a cake for the money instead?

SO sorry that your DS is feeling sad, I'm sure it's just logistics and not personal.

Fuck it OP you are bang right to not invite bullies. I feel sad for you and your son but I do think you should have sent them out earlier .. , could you ask the venue if you could push it back a fortnight and try another date?

It's very poor form not to reply. I'd always put myself into the party parents shoes and think how they feel. None of our friends have DC the same age as ours so I never have a group I can just call on so I'd be upset at this as well. It is however an awkward time of year as it's summer wedding season and lots of family bbqs and things like that happening so people legitimately have other plans but no excuse for not responding to the invitation.

'It's at a soft play but not exclusive hire.'

But you said how depressing to have 3 kids in a room for 40? Just take the 3 to the softplay area then forget the party room for food, just have nibbles and cake at the table in the main cafe area.

Yes I'd cancel it but do something at home instead with the 3 children.

I'd do one last message saying you haven't had many replies and you'll have to consider what you're going to do.

Do the 3 kids who have replied have siblings? Do you have anyone else you can ask?

When I book parties for my kids I always check with best friends first to make sure they can come so we have a core of friends there.

I'd cancel and take the kids that responded somewhere better.

Or, I'd have it in the same place and watch the CF's* that didn't reply turn up and find no party for them.

Like fuck would I host the party and let people that can't even RSVP attend.

If there were enough kids that had replied, I'd hold the party and turn anyone that didn't RSVP away myself.

For weddings, no RSVP means no place, same should stand for any kind of invitation where RSVP's are asked for.

*CF's that waited for a better offer and didn't get one.

I wouldn't take it to heart I have a summer born and this time of year is really busy. My kids are older now (teens) but my eldest had to have her party 6 weeks early as everyone was so booked up with family things etc in summer. I always used to give a months head up for a party when younger for summer born winter ones are easier as people less busy!!

I feel very sorry for the dc whose parent said not to invite as they have a medical condition and canot attend parties. I can't think what medical condition means kids can't attend parties! With the right supervision and any needs risk assessed surely anyone can attend a party.

What seems most effective is creating a whatsap group for the party. That is what people I know do. If you send card invites, they always get lots. I have missed so many invites this way. I do not check my kids bags often and even then cards get missed. I always feel bad later when I find them, as they are many times from friends of my dc they would have absolutely been able to go. We always see the whatsap invites or groups.

I like the previous poster's idea who mentioned to postpone the party and do something small to celebrate dc with the two friends that accepted the invite.

Would the venue let you change the date? If so maybe have it in 5 or 6 weeks time? During the school holiday period many parents would be so glad of an activity to take their DC too.

This. If people don't bother to RSVP you are under no obligation to let them know about the new plan. Make sure the venue knows that it was only cancelled because of a lack of RSVPs so if people turn up they can be told why. Hopefully they might get the message.

Do something nice somewhere else with the ones that can attend.

I’ll get called crazy but 3 weeks is quite short notice… we would have plans 3 weeks in advance most party invites go out way before the date. Maybe reschedule or cancel the party and do something at home?

Happened at DD school. The mum booked the party on an end of June weekend & literally everyone's had plan - either wedding, family bbq, other child end of year/sports event. It was just bad luck. She cancelled & we gave gift anyway felt really bad.

The only thing wrong with this is the fact a child will be 'heartbroken' due to not having a huge birthday party if its cancelled. We place far too much importance on the big party every year when a few friends & family is often enough with the big party on milestone birthdays. Making it an absolute expectation with no room for necessary cancellations is doing a child no favours when dealing with and accepting disappointment is a fact of life.

Cancel and do something with the 3 who can make it. I'm sure it's nothing personal just a busy time of year. Make the best of the attendance that's confirmed.

Talk to your child & say there was family party for a lot of other kids. Plan ahead - can you do a Halloween party in Oct (before half term?), to look forward to??

What time is the party? I think there may be a chance of England playing on Saturday night depending on how tomorrow nights games go, so could it be that stopping people committing. I know a few who will have BBQ's or Euros parties to watch it if that is the case

IF you think the 'no' are genuine business you could move the date to a few weeks later (you could
Put out a poll to parents saying 'can you make this new date')

Cancel, and re-arrange for September when everyone is back in school. Birthday parties at this time of year are really difficult to organise - I speak from experience. Call it his "half birthday" or something. But don't tell DS the real reason you're cancelling - say the venue cocked up or something.

OP I wouldn't cancel. You've paid now and presumably won't get your money back. It's not exclusive hire so not really going to be noticable that not many are there and more might actually turn up on the day.

This is the reality of class parties unfortunately. You'll always get a chunk of parents that don't respond and don't turn up. The worst imo though is the ones who turn up and just expect party food and a party bag. It's so annoying because even a modest party bag and food is likely to cost upwards of £5 a head so it does really add up.

I think your reasons for missing out the kids you have are valid. I feel for the little girl with the medical condition but at the end of the day her mother has requested no invite so you respected that. I would ignore the people criticising this. It's derailing the thread and I really don't think it's the reason people aren't responding. I think people need to get a grip really. Kids (and parents) can invite who they want. There's a very low number of girls in my dd's class so it seems to be that my dd gets invited to very few parties despite being friendly with lots of the boys and has had lots of them at her party. I don't think it's particularly fair but nor can I get too worked up about it. I don't particularly want to be going to the same softplay/tranpoline park every weekend anyway.

I'm not criticising you or excusing the rudeness but could the problem be that you've gone for softplay in the middle of July? That would be many people's idea of hell especially in a heatwave. Maybe people are seeing how the weather pans out before commiting. I do think this is rude though. My dd went last week to a sp party and I wouldn't have dreamed of cancelling or being vague about my attendance because of the weather but I know plenty would.

I'd chalk it up to experience and accept that I'm afraid your ds's class are a bunch of miserable buggars by the sounds of it. Next year I'd plan something for less kids with a few of his best friends or the ones you haven't been let down by. It's a great time of year for a trip to a theme park or similar!

If he has a couple of smiling faces and a cake and the happy birthday song your ds will be absolutely fine so just roll with it. I hope he has a wonderful day

Fair enough if people are busy - just drop a quick message and say so. Currently the host has no idea as some people haven’t replied.

Hope you come up with something OP. I would imagine they’re not coming so you could either do something completely different or just go to soft play and order off the menu. I hope you get the money back or you can defer to another time.

OP I am really sorry to hear this. Could you cancel and say to son that 'we will do party another time as so many can't come because of (make up reason/euros etc). Then speak to the parents of his friends (say 10 of them) and get a day they can commit to and rearrange? That way you can spare your sons feelings of rejection?

Before cancelling I would respond and say something along the lines of last call for RSVPs please, that you'd be grateful for responses as only X have responded so looking to cancel/postpone if thats the case

Does he go to an activity with other children? Could they be invited to top up numbers?