difficult drs appointment

[anotheronettc]

over the last few months I’ve noticed that my two year olds tonsils are really swollen, covering the back of his throat. I didn’t pay much attention because he is fine otherwise. Until other people started commenting. I contacted the gp but still hadn’t heard back from them the next day so went to walk in. We were seen very quickly which was great. However, my son didn’t to open his mouth and the nurse got a tiny glimpse for about a second and just said that he probably just has big tonsils. He had no temperature. So I left. The GP then messages to say my son has an appointment. we were sat there (me, my 9 week old and two year old) for twenty mins past our appointment time which I didn’t mind as I get gps are busy. However when we were called in, I said hi, and the dr didn’t say anything back, so we sat on the chair.
this is how the conversation went:
dr - what’s the problem
me - well.. I just wondered if you..
dr - you were literally seen two days ago at the walk in
me - yes we were but the nurse didn’t get a proper look at his tonsils
dr - yes she did I can see here she’s written had no white spots. he’s a perfectly well child.
me - ok I just wanted a second opinion as she couldn’t really look inside his mouth

(side note, she also didn’t feel my sons neck which has lumps I can feel - assuming glands’
Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave.
Dr - so come on then let’s look (as be gets a wooden stick out looking really pissed off)
me - no thanks anyway, it seems as though you’ve had a really bad day
Dr - he’s a perfectly well child!
me - (I’m standing up to leave at this point) how would you know that, are you with him everyday?
Dr - because it says here he had no white spots
Me - ok thank you we will leave but you didn’t give me a chance I wanted to speak about some rashes he’s been having as well (as I try and get out the door with my baby and two year old with tears in my eyes)
Dr - no please stay, if your worried let’s look (proceeds to start basically begging me to stay)
me - I just leave .. as I feel totally humiliated and uncomfortable

i really would like honest opinions please. I haven’t taken my son into a drs or hospital since Christmas when he had a bad virus which was making him breathe funny and then blue from a fever of 42 degrees.

I hate going to the dr and always politely turn down health visitors because I know my children are ok normally. But when I needed help this week just to make sure I’m being a responsible parent I felt humiliated.

am I being a Karen here?
I can’t stop feeling shit about it, like am I a nuisance ?!

I think you over reacted and should have let the doctor do their job instead of leaving the appointment.

You are oversensitive.
GP wanted to look up and you walked off.
Waste of everyones time.
And I almost never defend medical staff.

@anotheronettc you didn't over react and you were 100% right to be concerned about your child. Doc obviously felt very guilty when they called you back and so they should. Terrible behaviour!

Eek, thanks guys, honestly don’t mind the honestly. I just felt like he was accusing me on making up an illness for my son. but maybe I am over sensitive, I do have a newborn and it was such a struggle getting both boys to the appointment on time.

The doctor was being rude and spoke to you in an unacceptable manner so of course you got pissed off in the end and reacted, rightly so! I hate the way people talk to people like shit and then act shocked when they get a reaction. I bet your bottom dollar he wouldn't have spoken to a dad like that

You were over sensitive and stroppy.
You should have just had your child examined.
What is all this "we will leave" rubbish.
That is not how you conduct a medical al appointment .

You stick to the point - "I am concerned by child has enlarged tonsils and raised lymph nodes in his neck".
Then you ensure your child is examined IE you hold child still or get them to roar to open mouth etc.

The GPs approach was poor.
You attended a GP with concerns for your child - this is very much the GPs role. Wither you went to a walk in yesterday or 6 weeks ago is irrelevant.
A consult like this, would take all of ten minutes....at which point GP could have either reassured you that your child was fine (and should give rationale) or explained any concerns they too had, and next steps.

Really sorry you experienced this OP - it's frustrating and upsetting as your in a vulnerable position going to GP.

Sounds like u hit the nail on the head with him having a bad day.

The doctor was rude but you should have let him look at your son's tonsils, nothing good came out of walking away.

This. If you wanted a second opinion why not actually get one?

I actually cannot believe some of these comments!!
That doctor was acting in a rude, dismissive and uncaring way.
It's unacceptable to not have heard you out and you were right to have left.
He clearly started panicking for fear of a complaint and backtracked.

I had a really bad experience with a doctor before and I wrote a complaint to the practice and was given an apology. Anytime I call for an appointment and they offer me this doctor I always refuse.

OP wanted doctor to examin her child.
By walking off she achieved the opposite and her child was not seen by a doctor.

Correct way is, as someone already explained, telling meddical staff what are you exactly worried about and what you want checked. Also, telling them that you will make an official complain to PALS if your child does not receive needed care.
That got 100% more weight and gets you a result you want.

If you want your child to be seen by a medical professional than refusing one to examine him seems like an unproductive choice.

Yeah this.

@LondonFox no, I disagree. OP was treated badly and was dismissed when she wanted to speak about her child.
She TRIED explaining symptoms etc and wasn't able to.
I would have also left the doctor's office but I would have went to reception and asked to see someone else.
It's unacceptable to be dismissive as a GP.
OP has also just had a baby.

I think I would have stayed but I 100% get why you were so upset. My doctors are all so lovely so I've never had to experience that but it's so horrible when it's your child and people in a position of power are dismissing you. I would give feedback to the surgery on what happened.

The GP behaved very poorly. However if you needed his tonsils looked at then you should have let him and then complained afterward at the treatment. Hindsight at this point isn’t very helpful though. How is your child?

Do you think that’s how the doctor should have conducted the medical appointment? Or are we just focusing on the overwhelmed mum with two kids with her who’s just trying to do right by her child?

The doctor wasn’t great but he offered to have a look at his tonsils again and you declined and completely overreacted.

I think I’d be upset in that situation too so I don’t think you’re being over sensitive. It’s always best to get things checked out.

however, I do have enormous tonsils myself. Doctors have always commented on how big they are so it’s quite possible your son is the same.

Completely unprofessional of him, I'd have walked out too!

Report the arrogant, miserable bastard!! No wonder people die waiting for a diagnosis or treatment.

Thanks guys, I can see both sides. I just found his demeanour as soon as we walked in quite rude by not greeting us and he was very accusatory and didn’t give me a chance to speak and I felt so uncomfortable and my son was clinging on to me - I then almost didn’t want him going neat my child. Maybe mother instincts in overdrive being newly post partum. I was also about to cry and just felt so embarrassed I wanted to get out.

I should have let him look at my son and put ny pride away though.

P:S, OP, my son always had massive tonsils, he's 20 now and they're still quite sizeable.

You were treated badly and left

Flip side of the coin I was treated badly held my ground demanded a test (possible uti so just needed a simple urine test) he finally agreed to the test put on my daughters notes I was a risk of munchousan syndrome by proxy and needed watching to make sure I didn't hurt my child he didn't dip the urine just sent it to the lab no follow up the lab assumed that he had dipped and prescribed antibiotics so they just put it on the system didn't flag it with the Dr's I rang my Dr's a couple of days later saying I'm sorry are you sure the test was clear she is still having symptoms? (MY assumption was no callback no infection) they freaked and gave her antibiotics ASAP

Upshot severe infection she actually has a kidney disorder we didn't know about he was bloody wrong but you cannot alter records that is on her records for life that I'm a risk to my child (and also that I was right she did have a UTI) all because he had a "bad day" and I stood up to him put me off medical professionals even now 22 years later I don't go unless I have to

100% should have asked to see a different Doctor and reported him to the GMC.