difficult drs appointment

[anotheronettc]

over the last few months I’ve noticed that my two year olds tonsils are really swollen, covering the back of his throat. I didn’t pay much attention because he is fine otherwise. Until other people started commenting. I contacted the gp but still hadn’t heard back from them the next day so went to walk in. We were seen very quickly which was great. However, my son didn’t to open his mouth and the nurse got a tiny glimpse for about a second and just said that he probably just has big tonsils. He had no temperature. So I left. The GP then messages to say my son has an appointment. we were sat there (me, my 9 week old and two year old) for twenty mins past our appointment time which I didn’t mind as I get gps are busy. However when we were called in, I said hi, and the dr didn’t say anything back, so we sat on the chair.
this is how the conversation went:
dr - what’s the problem
me - well.. I just wondered if you..
dr - you were literally seen two days ago at the walk in
me - yes we were but the nurse didn’t get a proper look at his tonsils
dr - yes she did I can see here she’s written had no white spots. he’s a perfectly well child.
me - ok I just wanted a second opinion as she couldn’t really look inside his mouth

(side note, she also didn’t feel my sons neck which has lumps I can feel - assuming glands’
Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave.
Dr - so come on then let’s look (as be gets a wooden stick out looking really pissed off)
me - no thanks anyway, it seems as though you’ve had a really bad day
Dr - he’s a perfectly well child!
me - (I’m standing up to leave at this point) how would you know that, are you with him everyday?
Dr - because it says here he had no white spots
Me - ok thank you we will leave but you didn’t give me a chance I wanted to speak about some rashes he’s been having as well (as I try and get out the door with my baby and two year old with tears in my eyes)
Dr - no please stay, if your worried let’s look (proceeds to start basically begging me to stay)
me - I just leave .. as I feel totally humiliated and uncomfortable

i really would like honest opinions please. I haven’t taken my son into a drs or hospital since Christmas when he had a bad virus which was making him breathe funny and then blue from a fever of 42 degrees.

I hate going to the dr and always politely turn down health visitors because I know my children are ok normally. But when I needed help this week just to make sure I’m being a responsible parent I felt humiliated.

am I being a Karen here?
I can’t stop feeling shit about it, like am I a nuisance ?!

Dr was unprofessional and rude. I’d have been upset in your position.

I was fobbed off (but not at all rudely) regarding my dd when she was very young and visited three different doctors in five days. First two (male) drs dismissed it as absolutely nothing to worry about and just a run of the mill virus. Final time dr (this time a female dr) took my concerns seriously and examined her much more throughly. I do sometimes think if it hadn’t been a woman that last time I might have experienced similar response to that which you had. She had after all been assessed as perfectly ok by two other drs. I could easily have been dismissed as neurotic for going back again.

However, this dr then told us to drive her urgently to a&e (without going home beforehand). She was rushed in and put straight into quarantine. Spent a whole week in hospital with serious infection, had to be fed through a tube, vital signs observed every 15 mins for much of it. On medication for months afterwards and many follow-up appts to check for long term damage. Luckily she was ok in the end but things could have turned out so very very differently.

lesson being that although parents may be frequently unnecessarily concerned, parental intuition should always be taken seriously.

I really don't think that's the same situation at all. Ops son has been checked over and nothing has changed, but even do the dr offered to check her don but she wasn't happy with his manner so declined.

@PennyPugwash

Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave

OP was not treated "badly" ffs.
GP said what was written in the notes and OPs reaction was to get what "red and flustered"?
About what?
Another adult reading?
She never explained what is going on to medical professional.

And as an advice, if toddler is not cooperating it may be a good idea to take a photo evidence of whatever problem they have. You cannot expect medical staff to force open mouth or see what is going on if they are closed shut. She could have just pushed her phone with photo to a GP.

The doctor's job is to behave professionally and not irritably.
He should have said: "I am sorry you still feel concerned about this. Let's take another look."
I am a retired social worker and there were of course many many occasions when I felt exasperated, but I never showed this .... and I always asked myself what was behind the behaviour.
The doctor should have been addressing your anxiety if he felt your concern was OTT.

I’m a nurse and I totally disagree with people saying you over reacted. This doctors bedside manner was absolutely appalling. Yes lots of time wasters go to gps but to take it out on a worried mum who clearly doesn’t abuse the system is ridiculous. Listen to the podcast “civility saves life’s”. Manners really do make a difference in clinical situations and I think this gp needs re training. You should complain. Also if he has grade 3/4 tonsils this can absolutely cause issues (although not always, and he may in fact be perfectly fine) and that is for the gp to reassure you about.

Many people on this thread need to raise their bar in relation to what is an acceptable standard of service from GPs. No wonder the NHS is in freefall when so many people think people should go along with crap standards of service.

Because the GP was questioning her and her experience whilst taking whatever was written as ‘THE TRUTH, even though it was NOT reflecting reality. The GP was basically saying yo the OP the OP was lying. Would you really be happy for anyone to say that to you?

The nurse Saying that she had a look at the tonsils when she didn’t was wrong in the first place.
GP assuming that the patient was lying agd a time waster and refusing to listen was awful.

What are you on about?
GP red notes and told what was in.
When OP confronted him he told her he was not there and offered another look.

Being dramatic and running away is 100% not how you get things done.
It would cost OP two seconds to snap pic of her child and tell GP to look at evidence.

She said they were difficult to see how could she snap a picture? My sons tongue is fucking huge I have to take him to the Dr's if he has a sore throat for days because he is prone to tonsillitis and I cannot get a good view without a tongue depresser (and I've never been trained to use one anyway) so I cannot see if there are spots on them I see redness at the sides high temperature occasionally but spots? Clueless I need a professional opinion