difficult drs appointment

[anotheronettc]

over the last few months I’ve noticed that my two year olds tonsils are really swollen, covering the back of his throat. I didn’t pay much attention because he is fine otherwise. Until other people started commenting. I contacted the gp but still hadn’t heard back from them the next day so went to walk in. We were seen very quickly which was great. However, my son didn’t to open his mouth and the nurse got a tiny glimpse for about a second and just said that he probably just has big tonsils. He had no temperature. So I left. The GP then messages to say my son has an appointment. we were sat there (me, my 9 week old and two year old) for twenty mins past our appointment time which I didn’t mind as I get gps are busy. However when we were called in, I said hi, and the dr didn’t say anything back, so we sat on the chair.
this is how the conversation went:
dr - what’s the problem
me - well.. I just wondered if you..
dr - you were literally seen two days ago at the walk in
me - yes we were but the nurse didn’t get a proper look at his tonsils
dr - yes she did I can see here she’s written had no white spots. he’s a perfectly well child.
me - ok I just wanted a second opinion as she couldn’t really look inside his mouth

(side note, she also didn’t feel my sons neck which has lumps I can feel - assuming glands’
Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave.
Dr - so come on then let’s look (as be gets a wooden stick out looking really pissed off)
me - no thanks anyway, it seems as though you’ve had a really bad day
Dr - he’s a perfectly well child!
me - (I’m standing up to leave at this point) how would you know that, are you with him everyday?
Dr - because it says here he had no white spots
Me - ok thank you we will leave but you didn’t give me a chance I wanted to speak about some rashes he’s been having as well (as I try and get out the door with my baby and two year old with tears in my eyes)
Dr - no please stay, if your worried let’s look (proceeds to start basically begging me to stay)
me - I just leave .. as I feel totally humiliated and uncomfortable

i really would like honest opinions please. I haven’t taken my son into a drs or hospital since Christmas when he had a bad virus which was making him breathe funny and then blue from a fever of 42 degrees.

I hate going to the dr and always politely turn down health visitors because I know my children are ok normally. But when I needed help this week just to make sure I’m being a responsible parent I felt humiliated.

am I being a Karen here?
I can’t stop feeling shit about it, like am I a nuisance ?!

Agree. You reacted to the doctor’s rudeness, but now you’re back to square one.

I accept that you are worried about your child and Doctor seems to have been unkind.
please don’t use the Karen insult, ,you are causing upset or annoyance to many blameless women. I thought we had got passed using this on here as there have been numerous objections. Wish Mumsnet would just ban it

Oh he has some lumpy bits on his neck which I assume are raised glands. The nurse at the walk in centre didn’t even try and feel them she just said he’s probably got an infection. He has had some rashes as well. I’ve left it for months as he has been fine but I thought I better get it checked.

A case of cutting off your nose to spite your face

@anotheronettc whether you were/are over concerned is irrelevant. The Dr was discourteous and overbearing. A good Dr would have reassured you and would have behaved as though you were an equal stakeholder.

Patients/parents do not and should not have to submit to inappropriate and unkind behaviour just because the other human is also a doctor.

How many of you would continue to use a solicitor or an accountant if they were so rude? The only difference in the relationship with a doctor is that their services are delivered free at the point of delivery. They are not free and the manner would soon improve the patient paid them directly.

In no other situation would the op be told she should "suck it up"

If it's a big practice op, wrote and complain. You have every right to expect an apology. The doctor, and I cannot say gentleman, made you cry.

sorry x

I can understand why the dr was confused, he offered to look and you left, what was he meant to do.

You were being really over sensitive.

Well I don’t want my son to think that this is what drs are like. I hope the private dr we see next week will be better.

Wow what an awful Dr. Put that in writing to the GP manager and ask to have it put in your notes never to see them again.

I did that this week. My DS is wetting himself after 7montha of being fully potty trained. The Gp gaslit me and judged me for potty training DS and dismissed my concerns so the follow up apt I toolld receptionist I never want to see that Dr ever again.

My DS has this issue to, was cooperative and Gps were all able to see internally. DS since I weaned him at 21months has chronic tonsilities and in the soace of 6 months had 4 episodes 2 bacterial and 2 viral. And between infections his tonsils are larger.
The Gp said only thing they can do is refer to ENT anf they will remove them. I refused as he is why to young. And so we manage it at home. Diflam spray when we see they are causing an issue and other times leave them alone.

Of course you have every right to be seen by an actual dr and every right to a 2nd opinion. I would find a new GP practice if I were you, and complain to the practice manager. I expect you won’t be the first person this Dr has been rude to. Plenty of health professionals are polite and patient despite being busy.

Op I don’t think you handled it badly at all. I have a 2 year old and I know it would be difficult to get her to allow a doctor to examine her in the first place so if I got this response I would also think ‘fuck this & you’ and leave as well. People forget a child is not an adult, if mum is tense and having to argue the child is going to pick up on that and it would have turned into a battle field. The doctor was an absolute dick & your child now is still undiagnosed because of them - not you.

Do not feel bad, you didn’t drag your 2 kids to the surgery for a jolly day out did you? You wanted your child examined didn’t you? It was the doctors actions that meant that didn’t happen. I think you should absolutely complain AND get your son checked out else where.

When you say you weren’t rude, some of the comments recorded in your op dialogue as made by you were rude.

I accept that he was rude first and you were getting annoyed; but if you can’t see you were rude, maybe he couldn’t see he was either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You were both tetchy, albeit he kicked the dynamic off, which was not professional.

I did something fairly similar when I had a two year old and newborn. All the stress of actually getting to the appointment on time to be treated dismissively really upset me, I think on top of the worry about my child's health.

Take care.

I’m sure he will be op. Private care is a whole different ball game very often - which is unacceptable but true.

In fairness he only offered to look once he had berated her for being there.

I still think she should have sucked up her annoyance and just let him look once he was “ begging to” ( or at least try, if dc was going to be upset by his manner).

Fault on both sides. You did t get the opportunity to state that you were concerned about large tonsils, not infection. When he realised he'd arsed up, you didn't then take the opportunity- which I also understand as by that point you felt unheard. I would go back but with a plan- take control from the beginning. I am not here because I am concerned he has a current infection, which was assumed, I am here because.........and hopefully it goes better

You lost me with the Karen comment as well !

Whatever you 'reported' happened in the consultation this just makes me think both you and the Dr are a bit twatty

I think the dr was just being rather forthright - you have been twice for the same things that's been the case for you say several months. The dr is just thinking you've already been seen for the same problem.

Then when you were really worried they thought fine ok need to check again. Unfortunately you then decided you weren't happy and left. I don't think either of you behaved badly but the dr obviously felt it was a double appointment and then you obviously got really embarrassed.

Doctors are not gods, they do get payed to do their job. If doctor is rude no reason to go ahead with appointment. At the end of day you have to trust the doctor. Doctor wasted everyone’s time not op. You should hand in a complaint.

Rude doctor. He should have believed you that the tonsils were only glanced at and neck not checked.

When my son was around 18 months I took him to the GP as he seemed unwell, with a high temperature, and they didn't even look in his mouth. We returned a few days later as he was still unwell and this time, the GP tried to look in his mouth but couldn't convince my son to open wide enough, so again they didn't look. He finally he ended up a few days later having a febrile seizure and was taken to hospital where they found tonsillitis and suspected sepsis. If you think he's unwell you must take him back to be checked over properly. I seriously regret not being firmer with the GPs we saw as antibiotics could have stopped us from having a very scary few weeks.

Doctors use their judgement to make an assessment of what is important. If OP made the appointment prior to the rv at the walk in centre it's entirely reasonable to think a second appointment is either in error or for a spurious reason. If the HCP has documented that they saw the tonsils then really why does OP say they didn't since she wasn't the one looking??

If OP was really worried and genuinely concerned about her son she would have jet the Dr look the second time . The whole thing is ridiculous.

Awful, awful doctor.