difficult drs appointment

[anotheronettc]

over the last few months I’ve noticed that my two year olds tonsils are really swollen, covering the back of his throat. I didn’t pay much attention because he is fine otherwise. Until other people started commenting. I contacted the gp but still hadn’t heard back from them the next day so went to walk in. We were seen very quickly which was great. However, my son didn’t to open his mouth and the nurse got a tiny glimpse for about a second and just said that he probably just has big tonsils. He had no temperature. So I left. The GP then messages to say my son has an appointment. we were sat there (me, my 9 week old and two year old) for twenty mins past our appointment time which I didn’t mind as I get gps are busy. However when we were called in, I said hi, and the dr didn’t say anything back, so we sat on the chair.
this is how the conversation went:
dr - what’s the problem
me - well.. I just wondered if you..
dr - you were literally seen two days ago at the walk in
me - yes we were but the nurse didn’t get a proper look at his tonsils
dr - yes she did I can see here she’s written had no white spots. he’s a perfectly well child.
me - ok I just wanted a second opinion as she couldn’t really look inside his mouth

(side note, she also didn’t feel my sons neck which has lumps I can feel - assuming glands’
Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave.
Dr - so come on then let’s look (as be gets a wooden stick out looking really pissed off)
me - no thanks anyway, it seems as though you’ve had a really bad day
Dr - he’s a perfectly well child!
me - (I’m standing up to leave at this point) how would you know that, are you with him everyday?
Dr - because it says here he had no white spots
Me - ok thank you we will leave but you didn’t give me a chance I wanted to speak about some rashes he’s been having as well (as I try and get out the door with my baby and two year old with tears in my eyes)
Dr - no please stay, if your worried let’s look (proceeds to start basically begging me to stay)
me - I just leave .. as I feel totally humiliated and uncomfortable

i really would like honest opinions please. I haven’t taken my son into a drs or hospital since Christmas when he had a bad virus which was making him breathe funny and then blue from a fever of 42 degrees.

I hate going to the dr and always politely turn down health visitors because I know my children are ok normally. But when I needed help this week just to make sure I’m being a responsible parent I felt humiliated.

am I being a Karen here?
I can’t stop feeling shit about it, like am I a nuisance ?!

It sounds like the doctor was rude and you were right to let him know you were unhappy.

I do think you (as my mum would say) 'cut your nose off to spite your face' at the end though. You should have stayed because you want your son to be checked out and he could have been if you hadn't walked out.

You don't say that your son was unwell at all, just that he had big tonsils when you looked

I agree with this. Neither of you behaved well.

DS had big tonsils. Used to snore like an absolute train. Visitors used to hear him through the monitor and were shocked a 3 year old could be that loud. Used to dribble and lot too and make funny breathing sounds. GP was happy his tonsils were just big and with a bit of a luck he'd grow around them which is what happened. By about 5 or 6 he'd completely stopped all the symptoms, the snoring disappeared almost overnight.

So probably nothing to worry about anyway.

I agree. You sound like the sort of patient that doctors dread.

For being a tad abrupt? Nice one.

The doctor's approach sounds dismissive and unnecessarily terse. However, if you you really feel that your child needs medical attention I'm afraid you have to prioritise that above feeling belittled by a medical professional. I understand how difficult and frustrating it can be but I've been in situations where I have had to push through and ignore this sort of attitude in order to access the care my DD has needed. Sometimes you need to grit your teeth and get on with it.

And don't use Karen like that.

Yes, absolutely! Completely unprofessional behavior from someone with a duty of care. If he speaks to one patient like shit then how is he treating others? You should never be made to feel like a nuisance for visiting your GP. This is the reason people don't get checked for cancer etc. because they "don't want to be a bother to the Doctors". For fear of being treated like this.

He was rude - he has no right to be rude to you.

You were right to leave. I would complain to the practice manager.

I was with you until you said you’d left without letting him examine your son! He was brusque and dismissive but if you’re concerned about your child, you should have let him be examined! You could still have made a complaint to the practice manager about the GP’s bad attitude. It’s cutting off your nose to spite your face to stomp out in a huff, and it’ll have made them peg you as a time-waster.

I had to take my son back to the doctors again and again and again before they accepted there was something amiss and tested him to discover he had an extremely rare genetic condition. You just have to push and push sometimes and develop a thicker skin for the benefit of your children. Even my husband thought I was crazy when I kept taking DS back to the GP, but I knew there was something wrong and I wasn’t going to be fobbed off. It’s ridiculous that, after going to the trouble of getting an appointment, you left in a strop before your DS could be examined, even though the GP was being an arse.

It wasn't "completely unprofessional". It wasn't ideal but I can't see how any complaint about that would be anything other than dismissed.

I do get all your points. I’m an idiot for not getting him checked. But his tone and demeanour was aggressive with the ‘you were literally seen two days ago’ as if I was trying to waste NHS time.

Anyway, I’m not going to complain because I understand everyone has bad days and I also don’t have the time or energy, but I won’t be running back there for help.

also to add.. my son is ok, his symptoms are big tonsils, raised glands and he has had rashes which I think may be eczema but just wanted them checked. Otherwise he is absolutely fine.

I guess in the back of my mind I was concerned he that he has had big tonsils and glands because his body is constantly fighting some kind of infection or something. But they clearly aren’t concerned so i guess i should stop worrying x

That's exactly the problem. It shouldn't be dismissed, should it. GPs over over paid, lazy arse holes who can't be bothered to give anyone more than 5 minutes of their precious time.

Above all else a doctor should listen to a mother, who knows their child best.

Yeah you’re right, I’m annoyed at myself for not standing up for my son. I didn’t realise having naturally big tonsils was a thing and I hope it’s just that

Well that's not been my experience at all. Even the abrupt ones have been efficient and happy to help. Even if they've not been chatty. Which is fine by me.

Sounds like OP is very sensitive and may have misinterpreted the tone anyway. His apparent impatience might well have been just trying to quickly establish the facts.

Dr didn’t listen . He had already decided what was what before you spoke .
He didn’t believe you .
Dr”s have very little Interest these days as they are maxed out and people are suffering .
Id complain to the surgery manager and get someone who will check you child over properly

Being abrupt isn’t professional.

An opening gambit such as the one described by OP absolutely is not professional in any measure - it doesn’t matter how tired the person is.

OP you do need to email the practice manager about it even if only so your sons notes are updated as to why you left without examination.

I think reporting to the GMC is a bit mad but in my opinion he was very rude and you can hardly be expected to have any confidence in someone who has such a bad bedside manner.
I'd send a letter to the practice manager explaining why you were unhappy and ask to see another doctor.
Whether I am having a bad day or not I never treat my patients like this. I'm not a GP but have a clinical role and behave professionally all of the time no matter how annoying I think someone is.

Thanks guys. I have booked a private GP appointment for my son as I want someone to take a thorough look at him to rule things out before I conclude that he just has big tonsils (which is probably the case).

I think I’ll just switch gp practice anyway as we’ve had a few misdiagnosis along the way including my child being in agony for two weeks with head shingles which we were told was a bacterial skin infection.

Awful they were so rude but I would've swallowed my pride and stayed for your child's sake. Xx

@anotheronettc Actually thinking about it - I think both of you didn't handle the appointment very well.
Doctor could have been less grumpy.
You shouldn't have left.
I hope your little boy is ok 💐

You say you were worried enough about your child to take them to the doctor after they’d been seen by a nurse, but you then refused to let the doctor examine the child because you thought they were a bit rude to you? Obviously you weren’t that worried, then.

Yes, the doctor might have been a bit huffy but you sound like an absolute nightmare.

Ugh I know, heat of the moment.
thank you x

Gosh you did flounce a bit. Yes she was short but do what she then offered to examine. Why leave?

Next time your son's skin flares up get another appointment with the GP to have it looked at. Probably not much point while he hasn't got a rash. Perhaps your partner or a friend or family member could take him or look after the baby so it's less fraught for you. It's a tough time with two wee ones.