difficult drs appointment

[anotheronettc]

over the last few months I’ve noticed that my two year olds tonsils are really swollen, covering the back of his throat. I didn’t pay much attention because he is fine otherwise. Until other people started commenting. I contacted the gp but still hadn’t heard back from them the next day so went to walk in. We were seen very quickly which was great. However, my son didn’t to open his mouth and the nurse got a tiny glimpse for about a second and just said that he probably just has big tonsils. He had no temperature. So I left. The GP then messages to say my son has an appointment. we were sat there (me, my 9 week old and two year old) for twenty mins past our appointment time which I didn’t mind as I get gps are busy. However when we were called in, I said hi, and the dr didn’t say anything back, so we sat on the chair.
this is how the conversation went:
dr - what’s the problem
me - well.. I just wondered if you..
dr - you were literally seen two days ago at the walk in
me - yes we were but the nurse didn’t get a proper look at his tonsils
dr - yes she did I can see here she’s written had no white spots. he’s a perfectly well child.
me - ok I just wanted a second opinion as she couldn’t really look inside his mouth

(side note, she also didn’t feel my sons neck which has lumps I can feel - assuming glands’
Dr - well it says here she did. But I wasn’t there I guess
me - you’re right, you weren’t there (at this point I’m all red and flustered and just want to leave.
Dr - so come on then let’s look (as be gets a wooden stick out looking really pissed off)
me - no thanks anyway, it seems as though you’ve had a really bad day
Dr - he’s a perfectly well child!
me - (I’m standing up to leave at this point) how would you know that, are you with him everyday?
Dr - because it says here he had no white spots
Me - ok thank you we will leave but you didn’t give me a chance I wanted to speak about some rashes he’s been having as well (as I try and get out the door with my baby and two year old with tears in my eyes)
Dr - no please stay, if your worried let’s look (proceeds to start basically begging me to stay)
me - I just leave .. as I feel totally humiliated and uncomfortable

i really would like honest opinions please. I haven’t taken my son into a drs or hospital since Christmas when he had a bad virus which was making him breathe funny and then blue from a fever of 42 degrees.

I hate going to the dr and always politely turn down health visitors because I know my children are ok normally. But when I needed help this week just to make sure I’m being a responsible parent I felt humiliated.

am I being a Karen here?
I can’t stop feeling shit about it, like am I a nuisance ?!

Thanks, I get your point.
although I will add, I didn’t really want him touching my child with his aggressive demeanour, he was red with frustration as soon as we arrived.

A doctor being a bit rude to a patient isn’t a GMC matter. Complain to the practice manager if you must but don’t waste the GMC’s time on this kind of trivial shit.

The doctor was rude and dismissive but you should have let him look at your son's tonsils and listened to his opinion. If you are genuinely worried about your son's health then you will now have to make yet another appointment either at your surgery or privately, so it would have been better to at least leave with a medical opinion.

Having said all that, I feel that any doctor who is too stressed to communicate courteously should leave the NHS and find work elsewhere. Staying and being rude is helping nobody.

I agree that the GMC will not act on a complaint of this sort (and probably nor will the practice).

But it is not trivial shit. It really isn't. Communication is a massive part of medicine.

@anotheronettc you e suffered gaslighting from a health professional who considered that, as you had seen someone 2 dats ago, it wasn’t possible fir your child to have an issue.

It’s awful when they act this.

Unfortunately, it’s pretty common, esp if you have a chronic illness.

The question now is how you’re going to approach the swollen tonsils.

Fwiw I’d go on the NHS all and read the comment ps your GP and nurse have written. It’s not unusual that there are mistakes. And it will also u firm you how to approach things next time you see a GP fir your ds.

How do you think your child would have been harmed by having his tonsils looked at for 15 seconds by a man who happened to be in a bad mood, though? I’m sorry but you do sound really hyper-sensitive and precious. Having a little torch shone into your gob by an irritable doctor while they peer at your giant tonsils isn’t any different from having the same thing done by a happy doctor.

This is true but OP took her objection too far.

It’s fine to mimic their off manner a bit to “upbraid” a person and prompt them to pull their head in and remember their role; but when he did this it was time to change tack and let him examine your dc op.

The thing that seems to have been forgotten in this power tangle between his objectionable manner and your objection to it is the child - whom I presume you thought was ill but who missed out on being attended to. Sometimes we have to overcome our feelings for the good of our children op.

Btw to the posters who say you should have stand your ground. I imagine that you’ve been in that case.

Ive done that with a GP.
It obviously has done the round and I’ve never been able to have a nice consultation with anyone in the surgery since.
The GP was awful, made it look like it was all my fault in the notes but forgot things like ‘patient told me I am making her feel unsafe’ whilst he carried on lecturing me.

It’s not as easy as ‘standing your ground’.
Its hard.
Its traumatic
And it has long lasting repercutions.

I’m going to guess that at point, the OP didn’t trust the GP anymore. And why should she when he had behaved that way?

Would you really put your trust into someone who has just dismissed you 30 seconds before?

Was the child ill? If so the gp should have looked. If the child was well then you were wasting his time.

You can't alter the records but you CAN ask for a letter of amendment to be made to state the opinion was incorrect.

The dr was really rude. I'm sorry you felt so embarrassed. I would have felt the same

Just as a note please do get your son's tonsils checked again. Large tonsils are worth monitoring if they are not bothering him awesome but it's not just tonsillitis they cause it's likely he's also got large adenoids which are just worth monitoring . We have just been through this process with my son!

Maybe you’re right. Although, with him being like that I probably wouldn’t have liked to be examined by him so therefore I didn’t really want my son to be. can I just say, at no point did I say anything rude to him, I just felt uncomfortable and that he’d already made his mind up.

I’ve found an alternative gp appointment privately through my work so I hope he can be seen with fresh eyes and an open mind.
thanks for your feedback though, I do get you are coming from which is why I’m not complaining. I could have acted better.

The reason you were there was for a second opinion. The GP didn’t behave well, but you can’t control that. If you didn’t want him to look, you could have asked that someone else come in to do so if he was going to talk to you in that way. Your job is to advocate for your child, especially if you’re worried. Pointless taking everything so personally - it gets you nowhere.

Let’s not over-egg this: he needed to shine a torch in the child’s mouth and look at his tonsils. It’s a very basic thing to diagnose. And it doesn’t naturally follow from the fact he was grumpy, rude and dismissive that he is no good at diagnosis.

He was either going to confirm what she suspected and diagnose it, or say he didn’t see anything amiss, in which case did would be in no worse position in terms of needing someone else to look now.

Not the point of the thread but, my 3 year old referred to speech therapy as his speech was awful. The ST did her assessment and asked if he had a dummy which he didn't. She said he sounds like he's used to talking past something. Anyway, turns out he had massive tonsils, he had them taken out within 6 months on the NHS. And he never had a sore throat or problem, just the speech.

I thought this was going to be because you were there constantly, but as you're not he was rude.

No he was being a dcik it's what he gets paid for. Well done for getting a second opinion, better safe than sorry.
I don't see an overreaction I see a caring mother.

He sounds a bit rude but I am confused and presume he was too. If your child isn’t sick there is really no need to look at his tonsils. Even if they are big no one needs to do anything. And especially not to go to a walk in centre! 3 appointments for nothing is insane

And she was worried about a rash?????

I felt bad for you until you used the misogynistic term Karen.

Shame on you.

Why do people think they deserve to be spoken to like siht just because he's seen as a figure of authority!!!!!!! Get a grip people.

Well done OP.

I’ve booked my son a private GP appointment just in case anyone is worried about my son. I should have let the Dr look. I am ashamed of that, my post partum hormones are all over the place and I get about 4 hours sleep at night.. so I’m not exactly in my best mind!

Thank you! X