Beautiful daughters

[OneWorldly4]

If you have a beautiful daughter, how was her experience at school?

Was she popular? Was she unpopular? Did she get bullied because of her looks? How was she treated by her peers as she moved through school? If her experience was negative, how did you help her through it?

Interested to hear of your experiences please.

This is an interesting post, OP. Can you give us a bit more? I assume you are speaking as the mother of a beautiful daughter, or perhaps you were the beautiful daughter back in the day.

My experience of being at school with beautiful girls was that they were quite up themselves and looked down on others. I was never friends with anyone stunningly beautiful at school, but nor was I mean / judgy / jealous of them.

Now that you've brought it up, I'm reminiscing about it. The very beautiful people weren't especially nice,.or so it seemed at the time.

I work with a couple of very beautiful women now, and they are genuinely lovely. It's as if they are unaware of how stunning they are. I enjoy their company because they are kind and bubbly and really friendly.

Not sure if any of that is relevant. 😁

Thank you for your post.

I do have a daughter who is very beautiful, inside and out. I constantly have people saying very nice things about her, but it makes me wonder what situations she might be placed in as she grows. She's 7 at the moment and already she has had a few girls in her school call her mean names/push her. The school haven't said my DD caused any problems, she's very sweet in fact.

I do recall a very beautiful girl in college and I was in awe of her! She was stunning. But she didn't have many friends. All the boys fancied her and when she refused to date them, they'd call her names/spread rumours. It wasn't a nice situation for her.

I think personality and confidence is much more significant at primary school. My daughter is beautiful and I suppose some teachers doted on her more than if she'd had the same personality and been different in looks. Other girls didn't care.

At secondary it's more about how sophisticated and poised you are. My daughter's complete disinterest in her looks means that she still looks like a little girl who's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Striking but zero mystique! I can't imagine it making much difference.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone will find the same person beautiful.

Dd is still at primary and I’m starting to wonder about this. I have no experience as was a pretty plain kid myself. She’s started getting some nastiness from girls and I suddenly had the thought that she probably has the most going for her in the looks dept.

It’s disturbing that you’re thinking of a seven year old primarily in terms of her looks, as if this is the constitutive aspect of her life, and will go on being so. DS had a classmate who was an extremely pretty little girl — gorgeous apple-blossom colouring, very pretty features, unusual hair etc. I think she’d done a bit of low-key modelling locally. Her mother was clearly very proud of her looks, and all her hobbies were about performing. We moved away when DS was eight, and returned for a visit last year. I wouldn’t have recognised her. She had become a plain, gawky twelve year old and puberty was clearly hitting her like a ton of bricks. I felt for her. Her whole demeanour suggested a different, less confident girl. Don’t focus so much on your DD’s looks, and don’t assume she will always be unusually beautiful.

"Beauty" seems to be an unusual factor to focus on, especially when your dd is so young.

Children pick up on parental attitudes even when the parent believes that they don't display any signs. It's possible you are giving signals that you value her looks disproportionately which wouldn't be a good thing. And if a child picks up early that they are somehow special because of their looks it might be more likely for that child to develop a sense of superiority.

There are a vast number of factors that affect friendships especially at 7! Beauty would not be a starting point consideration for me. I was an infant teacher for a long time.

I wouldn't say it is 'disturbing'. I am asking people for their experiences and how they navigated a situation. Another person could have asked how others dealt with having an exceptionally bright child or one that was amazing at sports, and the posters would have probably given some helpful advice.

To me, you seem happy that a beautiful child in primary lost her looks later on, I find that disturbing. Why would you gloat at that?

I celebrate everything about my child.

Thank you to everyone else for posting.

Thank you.

I do not focus on her looks and tell her throughout the day that she's beautiful. She has many amazing traits and each is celebrated equally.

Why would you invent something I didn’t say? I specifically said it was sad to see this formerly vivacious girl so muted and under-confident. It’s also perfectly possible she will move through puppy fat and spots and braces and become again a ravishing young woman. Plenty of people have unkind puberties. As is obvious, I pointed out that the good-looking do not always remain good-looking, so you should factor that in, especially as you seem unusually conscious of your daughter’s looks.

One of DD’s friends is very beautiful in a striking way and was also very tall from a young age. It was difficult for her- I remember asking her mum whether it was ok for the girls to walk to the pizza place on their own aged 11. Her mum asked if I could keep an eye on them and I soon realised why- blokes approaching her, turning their heads to look etc- at an 11yo. Just shocking.

I think it can be difficult to be very striking and look older than you are from a young age- not just predators but people who should be looking after you can react strangely and treat you as older than you really are or be hostile because of their own issues. This goes for boys too.

@HappyAutumnFields it did come across a bit like you enjoyed it tbf. What you say has truth though what’s cute and pretty at 6 or 7 doesn’t always last.

Rest assured @OneWorldly4 I wasn't imagining you as a beauty pageant Mum.

I was suggesting that influences on our children are much more subtle.

@JohnCurtice this is my worry about dd. She’s very tall and she doesn’t yet understand properly about men.

Beauty is subjective, people find different things attractive.
However, at the risk of being accused of bias DD's looks seem to appeal to a lot of men/boys. We have been stopped in the street to be told how pretty/beautiful she is by total strangers when she was a child and as she got older she found the changing attitudes of some of her male friends quite upsetting. If I ever show someone a photo of the DC the first comment is usually "isn't your daughter beautiful/pretty" - its probably mostly due to the fact that I am not!
She was bullied at school quite badly to the extent that it led to a girl being expelled, it wasn't so much the way she looked but that she got asked out a lot and some of the other girls didn't appreciate it, especially if it was by boys they were interested in themselves. For example the Football Captain was slightly obsessed with DD but The Netball Captain was slightly obsessed with The Football Captain so that caused quite a bit of bullying - It did feel all very "High School Musical" at one point.
DD isn't confident about her looks at all and often things her skin is bad or she looks fat etc etc but she has a lovely BF who adores her and who has known her virtually since birth so he appreciates her personality much more than her looks.

My DD is striking - unusual colouring/hair which makes her very noticeable.
She loves her hair but it has always attracted a lot of attention. Very positive when little, much less so at high school (it's ginger)
She hates the attention and reacted at high school by being very androgynous in appearance - short hair, no make up, boyish clothing. I suspect because all the attention she goct was deeply unwelcome.
She is at college now and the teasing has stopped and she's wearing her hair slightly longer, comfortable in her own clothes.
I think being beautiful/unusual looking at a young age is only part of a person but can shape your personal relationships. It does change the way people behave towards you.

Plenty of “beautiful” children go through awkward teenage phases or even end up being quite plain looking adults. Plenty of plain looking children end up as beautiful adults.

You’re putting too much thought into her looks when she’s only 7. At 7 most children don’t care much about looks so I doubt she’s having a difficult time because she’s pretty. It’s probably just that kids can be unempathetic at 7.

I have beautiful daughters and they are lovely to be around.

But most mothers think that about their kids

There will always be some one more prettier, more intelligent, more engaging around them - so it’s best not to make them think they will be the star of the show because when they come across some one who shines more brightly than them they won’t deal with it well.

This reminds we of that post where mum’s post the pics of their kids in uniform on the first day of term only it’s Sloth in a uniform 😂😂

How ridiculous, everyone's daughter is beautiful end of.

I think the best scenario is to be a “late bloomer” and to “fit in” when at school, be nice looking when older but be able to look a bit stunning when you want to put in the effort.

It doesn’t really help to have so much attention on your looks when you are too young to handle it well. It can make you arrogant, vain and less focussed on developing in other ways.

Being very attractive has obvious pros as well as cons. Jealousy from girls, too much attention from boys/older men.

Appreciating your views on this.

Depends on your definition of Beauty really.
I have seen some frankly odd looking girls blossom around 15/16 but not every one confroms to societies standard of beauty. Although, that can vary by culture and time I suppose

If she was 15 you might have a point, but literally all 7 year old girls are beautiful in their own way. I wouldn't be able to pick which was the prettiest girl in a class at that age - how are they not all adorable? She has plenty of time to be hit by the puberty stick as well OP 😂

I will add that it’s all relative to her surroundings.

It is hard to be the average looking girl with a beautiful mother/sister.

My daughter is gorgeous I get compliments all the time so is my son. I don't think about it and am sure she doesn't care she's 10