Pregnant age 35 and feel incredibly old

[Boohoo123456]

Whilst I thought 35 was not too old to have second baby, since I’ve been pregnant, all the other mums seem to have completed their family by 32/33 at the eldest!!!

I hate feeling old. Im worried I’ll never be able to let it go and just enjoying being a mum to my last baby.

every women I see I am calculating their age in my head… it’s become an obsession!!

I just don’t see many mums my age that I can relate to.

I feel like a freak.

I was 34 when I got pregnant which felt fine but 35 really seems extreme.

its not even like I can say well at least I’m earning loads of money and lived a great life beforehand because that isn’t true. I don’t have my shit together and still have to develop my career so I don’t have an excuse
to be this old.

does any other ‘older mums’ feel like this? Is there anything I can do to let it go. It’s making me miserable before baby even comes… I keep thinking - when he’s 5, I’ll be 40, when he’s ten, I’ll be 45, when he’s 20, I’ll be 55!! It won’t stop

Thanks in advance

ps. I am in shape and reasonably attractive but obviously don’t look 28! I look 32 on a good day !! This will obv change when bubz comes as I’ve heard they age you by ten years… 😢

you are 100% not ruining anything. You have no idea how you’ll be with perimenopause and some older women I know believe life after menopause is an exciting new chapter. Plus you’ll get joy from your children. Maybe try not focus on what ‘normal’ is as having another child is going to change what your normal was anyway. You get to decide how you feel and act x

Sounds very vacuous. Shouldn't you just be grateful you're healthy and carrying a healthy child?

I was 35 when I had DS1, 37 when I had DD and 40 when I had DS2.

My mum was in her mid-40s when she had me and I am an only child.

My mum's friend had her first three DS's when she was 18-22 and her 4th when she was 46.

I had my second at 35 and third at 37. Lots of my friends didn’t have their first until mid to late 30s. It’s fine.

I don't think age is an issue.. your body will tell you when it's the right time. It's common to be having your first in your mid to late 30s and what happens if you don't meet a suitable partner until late anyway?

I had my first and only at 40, only 3 months off 41 and he was perfectly healthy. It's only when we thought about a second that it hit me that I was too old. We first started ttc in our mid 30s and I had 2 mc's. Then DS was our 3rd time lucky rainbow baby. 🌈

I think your mortality has just hit you.

I remember adding my age to what my child would be at 18, 21, 30... I didn't like it. It was like I wanted to see all of their lives, not just half.

Surely you knew your own age before you became pregnant.

Thank GOD you are in shape and reasonably attractive, this could have been a real disaster otherwise!

It may be because the so called older mums seem to try and justify why they are pregnant at that age. For example, they may mention their career progression , or getting up the property ladder. If you feel you don't have your shit together , you may feel like this doesn't apply to you.

Also , if it isn't your first pregnancy, the last one may seem like such a long time ago.

Ps, I am obsessed with other people's ages too.

I’m 34 and haven’t had one yet. Planning for next year and I can tell you now I don’t feel old. Yes I’ve got a few fine lines but I’m not old yet. My mum had me at 43 so I’ve still got time by her timeline.

I have friends who had babies in their mid twenties and their second in early thirties, I also have friends who had their first baby late thirties and second early fourties, and friends who are aged between 31 - 36 who havent even had babies yet but plan on having them. I was preggo with my first at 33 and gave birth at 34, im 36 this year and now considering a second! Theres honestly no limit on what age a woman should be these days and as long as a baby will be loved and well taken care of age is not an issue.

Not all mumsnetters are older mums. When I was born my nan was 38, my mum was 21. I had my DS at 27. Will just also add I'm not uneducated . I have a degree and a professional qualification working in a senior finance role.

Can't you reframe it that it doesn't matter about your age? You have a healthy beautiful child. Why be hung up on the age you had them? You've created life and that's AMAZING!

I had my first at 35. He's 16. I feel too young to have a 16 year old! I go to the gym and there are women 15 years older than me doing weight training with double the size weights than I can do. I don't think my life is over at 51. I'm still bloody working for another 17 years for a start! I'm going on holiday with my son after his GCSES. I'm going on Holiday with my friends after that.
I think you need to stop being obsessed with your age.

What's so different about 32/33 year olds that you can't relate to at age 35?

Every year makes a huge difference in your thirties

It really doesn't

Must be to do with society only valuing success and youth in women. Motherhood and bearing children is unfortunately seen as invisible and almost shameful work, particular when older

Well it does seem that you are doing the same thing! You seem to be fixated on your youth and throwing away the last vestiges of your youth on motherhood and how old you are. When people say ' no its fine' you are the one saying ' actually it's terrible and I'm a geriatric who will be ancient by the time I get my life back'. Even though you presumably chose to have a second child knowing how old you are.

I did but the feelings of aging came later; we can’t predict every single feeling we will feel. Some can take by surprise. And should we let our feelings and fears guide us? I think not. It’s a case of feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I had my first at 33 and my youngest at 38, they are all young adults now and I'm nowhere near the oldest mum in any of their friendship groups. Honestly, you are overthinking! Congratulations btw 🎉

You’re being ridiculous OP, sorry. 35 is a completely normal age to have a baby.

You have a choice of how you want to frame this.

I had my DC1 at 35 and DC2 at 37. If I fixated on certain aspects of my pregnancy/ motherhood that cannot be changed, I think I would be really unhappy and who wants to live like that?

I am not the youngest mum at the school gates nor the oldest - but genuinely why does that matter? Us all being healthy is the main thing for me.

Good luck OP

Women aren't on the scrap heap once you hit 35, despite what media tells you.

I'm 35 and pregnant with my second. She never crossed my mind. Try not to overthink it and enjoy this time.

I was 32 and 35 when I had my 2, I'd sat that's bang on average for the mums I know, and some were 10 years older.