Pregnant age 35 and feel incredibly old

[Boohoo123456]

Whilst I thought 35 was not too old to have second baby, since I’ve been pregnant, all the other mums seem to have completed their family by 32/33 at the eldest!!!

I hate feeling old. Im worried I’ll never be able to let it go and just enjoying being a mum to my last baby.

every women I see I am calculating their age in my head… it’s become an obsession!!

I just don’t see many mums my age that I can relate to.

I feel like a freak.

I was 34 when I got pregnant which felt fine but 35 really seems extreme.

its not even like I can say well at least I’m earning loads of money and lived a great life beforehand because that isn’t true. I don’t have my shit together and still have to develop my career so I don’t have an excuse
to be this old.

does any other ‘older mums’ feel like this? Is there anything I can do to let it go. It’s making me miserable before baby even comes… I keep thinking - when he’s 5, I’ll be 40, when he’s ten, I’ll be 45, when he’s 20, I’ll be 55!! It won’t stop

Thanks in advance

ps. I am in shape and reasonably attractive but obviously don’t look 28! I look 32 on a good day !! This will obv change when bubz comes as I’ve heard they age you by ten years… 😢

Gosh, this is quite an insensitive thread really as that isn't old. Thanks to 6 1/2 years of secondary infertility I was 41 when I had my second (she's 7 months now). To be honest, I would feel happier at baby groups if I was a few years younger, but this is the hand I was dealt. I chose to carry on ttc knowing my age and so did you. You are going to have a baby - that's amazing and wonderful. Don't let this distract you from that.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

You come across as insensitive and wildly immature in this thread, however - think about some self awareness before you post next time, perhaps.

38 here and just given birth to my first. I feel great. 35 is a mere baby in comparison! Enjoy your life and don't worry!

Don't see how the op has said anything insensitive? Are you confusing her with the other people on this thread who insinuated younger mothers aren't educated and op should stop hanging around them? Or the posters who insulted holly Willoughby?

That's quite an old fashioned opinion you have there. My MIL warned me when I had my third at 36 that I'd be the grandma looking mum at the school gate and my child would be embarrassed. Not true at all, the younger ones are in the minority. Educated, modern women tend to have children later in 2024.

I was 42 when I had my DD. Didn't feel old then and don't now. DD turns 18 when I turn 60. So what?

@Leah5678

*I feel like a freak.

I was 34 when I got pregnant which felt fine but 35 really seems extreme.*

Well this section of the OP is pretty insensitive to the Women on the thread for whom circumstances mean they're pregnant in their late 30s or 40s.

I'm pregnant at 40 and neither a freak nor extreme, and don't appreciate the insinuation that I must be if the OP is at the great age of 35.

Did I say it was a rule? I expected the ‘I had a baby at 46 and I don’t feel a day over 18’ responses. But your body ages chronologically, not ‘as you feel’.

I and my DS at 35 and now pregnant at 39. I'll be 40 when I have the baby if all goes well. I had 2 miscarriages before this (one at 20 weeks) but don't feel like a freak.

Op is allowed to talk about how she feels about herself when venting on her thread.

Sorry, just to check, are you saying that women who have children younger are uneducated?

I didn’t say I could have a baby, I think that would be a miracle but that I would feel perfectly able to look after one without being worn out and certainly at 36 I didn’t notice the slightest bit of difference from having one at 28

Christ, I’ve just had my first at age 39!

Nor does it matter. MN is obsessed with university. Plenty have managed fine without. I now have a professional career in my early 30s after having kids in my early 20s and, shock horror, didn't go to uni.

Where do you live? In London you're normal /young

Because the level of general knowledge is often so low on here, it's clear people need far more education rather than far less -- whether or not that happens at university.

I was 34 when I was pregnant with my first baby and the youngest in my NCT group of 8 pregnant women! Never felt old.

I found a lot of the uni grads I have worked with have zero common sense!

Thanks for all the replies. Really not sure what’s going on with me but I still feel so much shame. It’s madness. I just want to know every single mother’s age. And despite so many mumsnetters being older, the ones I see around me, at my elder daughter’s school, even the ‘older’ ones are still younger than me. I live in an affluent area so I think perhaps I’m only having older mum’s reply which give off a false respresentative.

either way, I’m going to have to get over it somehow… 😔

I had my DD at 22 and felt youngish
I had my DS at 37 and felt just right

When did you feel like ‘yourself’ again after having your 2nd baby ?

I’m an older mum, I had my little boy at 41 and he’s 18mths now. I don’t feel old and have got a lot of energy for him but I get where you’re coming from with the age calculations. I was constantly doing the calculations when pregnant. You’re totally allowed your feelings and they’re valid to you and that’s what matters. If it gets too much for you - you could consider having some therapy to help manage those thoughts.

For me, although I do the calculations still, it’s not as much and I ensure I keep myself fit and healthy. I also keep widening my circle of mum friends and have women of all ages as mums.

It’s easier said than done but try and not compare yourself to other mums around you. Regardless of age, you’re gonna be the best mum ever for your little one x

Thank you. I think a lot of it is worrying when I feel ‘normal’ again and start to enjoy life… will that then clash with perimenopause? Have I ruined my only remaining good years? Xx

I had my first at 35, then 36 (very close to 37) and am about to have my third at nearly 42. Like everything, your perspective changes and I look back now and think I was so young at 35, even though I felt old at the time! I'm also obsessed with calculating things, my weirdest one is an acceptable age to live to (I'm hoping for 86 🤣) hoping that it will give me motivation to stay fit, healthy and try and keep as young as possible!

It will all work out OP, be kind to yourself, there's always something to worry about ❤️

It’s not an issue now it’s more about later on. I don’t have an issue with older mums and I totally acknowledge it’s probably better to be born to your average 40 year old than your average 18 year old, but we can’t pretend it’s problem free because ‘you’re only as old as you feel’