Pregnant age 35 and feel incredibly old

[Boohoo123456]

Whilst I thought 35 was not too old to have second baby, since I’ve been pregnant, all the other mums seem to have completed their family by 32/33 at the eldest!!!

I hate feeling old. Im worried I’ll never be able to let it go and just enjoying being a mum to my last baby.

every women I see I am calculating their age in my head… it’s become an obsession!!

I just don’t see many mums my age that I can relate to.

I feel like a freak.

I was 34 when I got pregnant which felt fine but 35 really seems extreme.

its not even like I can say well at least I’m earning loads of money and lived a great life beforehand because that isn’t true. I don’t have my shit together and still have to develop my career so I don’t have an excuse
to be this old.

does any other ‘older mums’ feel like this? Is there anything I can do to let it go. It’s making me miserable before baby even comes… I keep thinking - when he’s 5, I’ll be 40, when he’s ten, I’ll be 45, when he’s 20, I’ll be 55!! It won’t stop

Thanks in advance

ps. I am in shape and reasonably attractive but obviously don’t look 28! I look 32 on a good day !! This will obv change when bubz comes as I’ve heard they age you by ten years… 😢

I had my only DC at 43, my DH was a little older.

Of the people I know who have had their first baby in the last 5 years or so none were under 35. The average age was about 41.

At the baby and toddler groups I attended there wasn’t a single mother under 30 at any of them.

DH and I don’t know any 20-35 year olds with young children so it all feels incredibly normal to us.

Gross

I was 36 when I had my first and 39 when I had my second. I'll be 50 before my youngest finishes primary school. A number of my school friends have children of similar ages and younger. I was the eldest in my NCT by 5 years for my first but if we hadn't discussed it I am it would have been obvious.

Re the 'they age you by ten years' comment, I just had my second baby on Friday (I'm 37.5) and was thinking yesterday how youthful I looked 😂

Do think OP is having a slightly hard time here as although it is quite heartening to hear all the people saying - don’t be silly you’re not old, which I agree with- I have certainly been lurking on mn threads where I’ve felt really put out by posters saying the opposite. I’ve definitely been on threads where the general sense is that 35 is Too Old or Not Ideal. I know because I’ve always been pissed off by them!

My mother had her first at 17 and second at 40 third at 43 😳
Don't sweat it op 33 and 35 are pretty ordinary ages for your first and second child

Aw why are people bashing holly Willoughby? Educated doesn't have to mean a rocket scientist

Had 1st at 35 and 2nd at 39. They are 10 and 6 respectively now. It's fine. No judgement from anyone in my circle and I wouldn't have been ready younger. Don't worry about it.

I'm 40, expecting our first in 2 weeks. Have had a textbook healthy pregnancy and lack of sickness or aches and pains have meant I've managed to keep fit and active throughout.

I don't feel old at all. Slightly insulted by this thread maybe; but not old.

Why is there a thread about this every week now???

I am 35, planning on starting ttc my second any day now. As are many of the women I know. And the other women I know are thinking about ttc their first.

Grump

Must depend where you live. Most people I know had their first in their mid 30s.

Had my first at 29 and want a 4/5 year gap so I’ll be not far off your age for DC2. Personally, 35 is my “cut off” but I don’t judge anyone older than that, it’s just personal choice and individual circumstances.

Wasn't there a very similar thread a couple of weeks ago? Also from a 35 year old, who was embarrassed and ashamed to be having her second baby at the grand old age of 35.

I understand your feelings but you are young!
With my 2nd I was 35 turning 36 a few months later. I remember saying to my midwife I suppose I'm a geriatric mum. And she said no way, and we definitely don't call it that. Made me feel a lot better.

I think it's always drummed into women 35+ and you are past it. But hopefully, it is starting to change and will change for our children

I felt exactly like this! First baby was 32 and I felt like a young mum (even though I objectively wasn't) second baby at 35 and suddenly I felt geriatric.

I had a low level risk factor of maternal age for my home birth too which didn't help (still had a straightforward birth).

So sorry I can't help but solidarity!

The sentiment is partially correct although I’d have worded it a little more gently.

Perhaps high performing career women vs those who choose alternative life plans!

Almost everyone I know on 150k+ had children much later in life. That is hardly surprising as it usually a trade off between career progression and age of having children.

It is far easier to maintain a decent paying role with a young child in tow than it is to work towards a high paying role in similar circumstances.

@Boohoo123456 I was 36 when I had my first and only and my husband was 53. I don't feel too old at all, I'd like to think I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter than I ever was in my late 20's even 😆 35 is quite a normal age nowadays, from reading on here it seems there are loads of women who have theirs in their early 40's so I think you need to chill and enjoy your little one, don't let bullshit numbers take away from babies life

Don't you worry about what everyone else could be thinking....l had my first at 38, second at 40 and third at 42....Honestly you should not waste any time worrying, and missing out enjoying being pregnant...Apparently more and more woman are getting pregnant later in life, you are not alone. I wish you the very best

I had my last baby just before I turned 40 and it was the easiest pregnancy and birth of all three of my children.

Cries in childless woman under £30k at almost 35 😂

@Boohoo123456 Try being 47 and unexpectedly pregnant. That’s got me feeling old!

Oh I shouldn't have opened this thread, I'm not in the right headspace for it and now I'm upset!

I would love another baby and thought I had loads more time (I'm 33), I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I had my first at 27 and felt the right age in myself. I moved areas when DS was 2 and went from being a young mum, easily the youngest in most groups, to solidly in the middle. Where I lived before 32-38 seemed usual for a first baby, where I live now it's more 25-30.

That shouldn’t put you off though. Whatever challenges we Go through shouldn’t deter us from the family we want to create. But at same time that doesn’t invalidate how you and I feel. I knew I’d feel this way but didn’t want to tell it stop me. Motherhood makes us stronger and wiser and this all part of the process. Have another baby for sure!! We only live once and it goes super quick xxx

My baby is 11 months old and I’m 42. First child, hoping for another.
I am aware I am an older mum especially for a first child but I certainly don’t feel old. I try to look after myself and lead an active lifestyle, eat healthy, teetotal.
I feel privileged to have our much longed for child. No one has ever made me feel “too old” to have a baby.

I was 37 when I had my second. I was one of the youngest out of the group I met and they were on their firsts. I didn't feel old, although I am very tired now he's a toddler that doesn't sleep!