Trauma or Autism or Neither. Thread 2.

[StrugglesSadness]

@imip
@Scirocco
@Choconuttolata

Thank you with all of my heart to everybody who contributed to the first thread. You are all wonderful & have helped me through some very dark times.

Recap (Just) 11 year old son struggles with transitions & changes to routines. Extreme violence shown mainly towards myself but also his sister (7) (if he is able to get to her) & himself. Also runs from the home & has to be bought back by the police. Also absolutely trashes the home on a regular basis.

Social worker (who I asked for back in August) is extremely reluctant to put the paperwork through for an Autism assessment, despite school saying that my son 'masks' there & my son's counsellor saying that the assessment is needed, or to help us very much with anything at all really.

Hi
I didn’t see the original post and I’m sure this has already been said but the GP can do the referral. School can actually do it to, I’m an assistant head teacher in a secondary and where we have had parents having issues getting a Gp appointment etc we just do it ourselves. Have you asked the SENDCO? In my experience social workers are not very proactive at referring to CAMHS (no digs intended social workers are over worked and underfunded).

Thanks for @ 'ing me, let's hope this is the thread that sees some progress.

Hey 👋 mum of 2 autistic kids 13yo daughter and 8yo son, the health visitor referred my son for assessment and the school referred my daughter, but your gp can also refer for assessment too.

Thank you Scirocco.
Hi Sammie1990 Thank you for posting.
We had an assessment put through in September 2022 but it was refused due to it being 'Just violence & emotional regulation'. It was only about 10 pages & this new one, just my part, I've filled in about 50 pages! it's sooo detailed now, & we have the counsellors letter too, which we didn't have before.

The Senco did the first one with me & says that she is allowed to do a Second one (I don't know if that's true)

School is interesting (frustrating) as, even though it was them who suggested 'Masking' & 'Autism' too me in the first place, when my son was 8, they now say that they 'Don't see it'. My son manages well academically but has a huge list of things that upset him & cause meltdowns, in relation to school, but the meltdowns happen at home.

When I tell school about my son's upsets, they say that he's probably actually upset about something at home & just says that it's school.

Hi Avie29 I can't get the GP to do it. They said that they 'Won't be listened to'.

Hi
before I go into more detail are you in the position to pay for a private diagnosis?

No Sammie1990 Unfortunately not.

Hi
just to clarify are you seeking an assessment for ASD or for an EHCP? I’m assuming the former?

Sammie1990 ASD.
I did an EHCP but it was refused, I might appeal or hang on now until high school starts in September & try again.

Realised that I made a mistake posting up there. The Senco says that now she has been the lead professional on one, then she is not allowed to do it again.

My son came out of school very tearful yesterday. They are talking about end of school parties etc & there's one thing where 'They need 100% of us to agree so I said that I agree even though it will be horrible because it means that everything will change'

When I asked what he meant by everything changing, he said that he won't have his usual lessons for that day, so is upset by the change in routine.

What followed was a meltdown until their dad picked them up (3 hours late. So that helped. I had to do tea which my son, of course, refused to eat, because change in routine for 'dads evening')

My daughter opened the door & their dad walked in to see my son charging into me, then backing up & doing it again, like a bull.

We got him to his dad's but he was still being violent, I followed behind with his sister. I find it so difficult to leave him when he's so upset. I went over to the shops (several shops) & just waited around there just in case they needed me, for half half and then text their dad & he said that he was then calming down but could I grab him (my son) something for tea, so I dropped that off, gave my daughter a cuddle & then felt able to come home.

Choconuttolata Re previous post on the last thread. 'Transforming care'. I feel like I need some more information on why exactly this blood test is needed. It's such a shame that I can't just get a straight answer out of the social worker.

Her email got my back up. It was just 'So I've spoken to these people & you need to get a blood test done, let me know when it's done'.

Like I don't even get a say in weather or not I might want my son to have this blood test. There was no choice of... 'If you decide to get this done'...

Her email got my back up. It was just 'So I've spoken to these people & you need to get a blood test done, let me know when it's done'.

The social worker isn't making a lot of sense. If you were going to your GP, on a purely practical level, you would need to know what blood test to ask for.

Hi FloorWipes. Well she said 'To see weather there are any chemical imbalances for him'. So I assume that I say that? (I don't know, I probably sound thick!)

I will, & have done, whatever she asked, within reason. I've done/& am doing countless parenting courses etc, but I'm not having these blood tests without understanding it a bit more.

It's different, making me jump through hoops to get... Well. Nothing. Because nothing changes. But I mean that's fine because it's me.

But it's different expecting me to put my son through that when she won't even explain it.

I would speak to the GP about the blood tests, because normally a paediatrician would advise on what specific blood tests would be required and you have not seen a paediatrician. The GP can speak to transforming care and ask a paediatrician for advice before proceeding. It is not really something social care can dictate as they are not medically trained.

@StrugglesSadness I don't think that would work honestly! The phrase "chemical imbalance" on its own is virtually meaningless. I don't think a GP would know what to do with that request. You might get a better answer from the social worker if you say that your GP doesn't know what test is being requested, which could well be true.

Old thread link:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4823598-trauma-or-autism-or-neither?page=40&reply=135000936

Aah FloorWipes & Choconuttolata See it's gibberish to me but I just don't know!

I think, actually, that the Social worker doesn't like resistance does she. I think for the first few months when I just said 'Yes' to everything, then it was all good.

Fast forward a few months & everything started to go (even more) wrong, so I started pushing back as I'm jumping through all of these hoops & nothing is changing, & maybe I need to feel like I have just a little control, when everything else is in free-fall, & now she doesn't like it.

I'm going to speak to the GP & also 'Beans' again as she seemed like she can get questions answered at least. I did phone her yesterday but she isn't back in until Tuesday, & they said that she is the 'NDD expert' so I'll wait to speak to her.

In other news, their dad tried to get me to give him clothes for today again. Seriously. He knows that I've just paid out for a new bed & he's moaning about spnding a couple of £ at the charity shop for some clothes.

Many local authorities are having budget problems.

As a result some of them are routinely turning down EHCPs even if there really is a need (which it sounds like there is).

schoolsweek.co.uk/ministers-withold-17m-from-five-safety-valve-councils/

I would strongly encourage you to continue the EHCP process if you can.

You might also find the National Autistic society helpful. They run parent dupport groups and you do not need to have a diagnosis to attend (as they recognise that the path to a diagnosis is long)

Thank you Octavia64. I'm still going for an EHCP, I just might hold on until September.

Schools entire contribution for the new NDD paperwork, & the EHCP, are that he is 'fine', 'But will need extra support to transition to High school'...

When they had their Mock Sat exams, my son was in such a state that he sat on the ground outside the school office & refused to move. The head teacher came & talked to him, She persuaded him to go in after a few minutes. Then they phoned me, telling me that he'd been sick twice so I went & collected him & kept him off for day 2 of the Sats.

The head teacher said to me after 'I'm fairly certain that he made himself sick as he was so anxious'. I agreed.

However, none of this is mentioned anywhere, he is just 'Fine'.

I think we can all see that that isn't "fine" at all. Also "made himself sick" is a strange way to put it unless he literally had his fingers down his throat.

I'm just angry on your behalf reading all this because why are all these professionals so hopeless and obstructive. You've jumped through all the hoops as you say. I think you're managing well to not let yourself be gaslit. Keep going.

Thank you for the support FloorWipes. It's utterly soul destroying, I feel completely alone (apart from everybody on here)

I googled what a blood test might show... Imagine if, after all of this, a simple blood test could have fixed everything!

I spend half my life googling stuff & asking on here, because the Social worker won't talk to me. Imagine as well, if I could ask her a question & she answered me properly!

They thing is your social worker is not an expert in disability. They are still stuck I. The mindset that parenting causes most problems and their usual offer of parenting course etc haven’t worked, you don’t feel supported. I think it is actually early help you have? They are even more inexperienced.

Hi imip. No, we had early help but I asked for it to be stepped up.

So we stepped up to SS but I didn't realised that everything else would stop.

I actually long for the days of early help. They helped me/paid to replace broken items/took rubbish away/paid for holiday clubs, visited me once a week, visited the children more than once every 4 months, answered emails etc. Phoned me after I reported a bad meltdown 'Just to check that you are ok'

All of that was lost over-night.

I found my letter from Family First the other day, it said that they'd been informed by the Social worker that they have to shut my case, & the reason for that is that SS have access to so much more support.

We had family solutions (who did 6 sessions instead of 12) & that's it. Since August. The parenting courses I can/& am accessing by myself (& paying for some)

The counselling was sorted by myself & Barnardo's. Nothing to do with SS.

So SS may 'Have access' to more support, but they aren't giving it to me!

Even this 'Parenting assessment' that she said she was going to do. Not that I want it, but where is it then? They could do it now & find that the 'Area where I need support' is a weekly skip to take away all of the broken items, so that my son doesn't continue to have access to broken wood/metal to then use as a weapon, next meltdown.

FFS. The state of our life.

I may have posted this earlier, but there are lots of free courses like this and I think it may help. I know parents who have done them, and although they have some issues, I think you might be able to make it work for you.
https://www.wefindanylearner.com/understanding-autism/

There are lots of these free types of courses.

Can you step back down to early help? CINs are voluntary anyway.