1yr old no tears at new nursery, insecure attachment?

[ChesneyHawwkes]

DS just started nursery. Settling went well, no tears, key worker remarked how he just wandered odd to play and didnt look back at me once. Great, he's comfortable i thought! Week 1, no tears, no looking back at drop off. When pucking up, he's calmly handed back to me. Key worker said it was very unusual for there to be no tears at all ob first day I've now googled this, does he have an insecure attachment?? He is a happy little lad, lots of smiles and cuddles with me when at home but not much sign of any separation anxiety yet. I struggled to bond first couple of months and DH did a lot of the night time settling, feeds. Thought we were well clear of this but could i potentially harmed our attachment? Is it unusual to settle to nursery straight away ? Argh, TIA everyone

As a previous nursery teacher it’s not uncommon for children not to cry. Youve lucked out as it’s so much more upsetting for you to drop off a crying child. If he is happy then it shows he’s comfortable and confident. He knows you’re coming back for him and he’s okay. Please don’t think you’ve damaged your bond as you haven’t.
I hope he continues to go into nursery happily and leaves when happier to see you.

I .used to work in childcare it wasn't unusual for babies not to cry your baby is fine he's secure.

Neither of mine ever cried when starting nursery and between them we’ve had 5 first days ranging from 9 months and 3 years old (we’ve moved around a bit and had a nursery close). Used holiday kids clubs too with no tears. When mine started at the school nursery at 2.5 the upset ones were very much the minority.

He sounds like a happy little boy, don’t overthink it!

Imo there is personality/temprement involved which is genetic.

So attachment isn't the only factor.

My daughter didn't cry first day at nursery or school. Because she was a happy, secure, curious little thing who wanted to go and play with the toys. Nothing is wrong with him or you or your attachment to each other. Take absolutely no notice.

Take no notice.

It's great he's going in so well. The tears may come at some point but I'd be happy for the fact he's happy and relaxed to go in willingly.

My DD has never cried or been unsure about walking into a new situation whether that be nursery, pre school, school or outside classes.

I just thanked my lucky stars I wasn't one of the parents having to have my child peeled off me because that would have been bloody awful!

She's secure and happy. She's just a confident, social little girl.

As others have said, this shows he has a secure attachment and trusts that you will be back for him. Don’t worry, just enjoy not having the upset of him crying at every drop off!

My understanding is that a lot of what is spouted about attachment is rubbish when it comes to normal, loving families. Children with insecure attachment are those who have been abused and neglected.

Both of my DC loved starting nursery, especially our sociable lockdown baby who'd hardly seen anyone bar us and was DESPERATE to get out into the world. They both had the odd wobble as the years went by but on the whole nursery was an entirely positive experience for them both, and they both made real friendships quite young.

Eldest is now at school and still runs into her classroom without a backwards glance every morning, which is so lovely.

My DS never cried, and he's VERY attached to me, we have a very strong bond and relationship. He never cried during the 4 years he spent in nursery (and he went to 3 different nurseries) and he's the happiest boy walking through the school gates now at reception.
I like to think he's so secure in our relationship that he has no fear I will not pick him up at the end of the day.

Sounds like you have a happy, confident little boy. Don't look for labels where there aren't any!

Yes attachment disorders/insecure attachments can be a sign of chaotic homes or neglect, but sometimes little children have big emotions and just cry

Mine never cried at just over two. Now at 4 she cries most days. Swings and roundabouts.

Thanks for this
He does generally have a chilled out and calm temperament (a lot like my partner) and enjoys being around other children at baby groups

A temperament that will likely take him far in life. Sounds like a lovely little boy!

Thank you so much everyone, really appreciate the feedback and thoughts.

Feeling massively relieved, after a night of overthinking!

The mad thing about parenting is that you feel you need to worry about something. I used to worry my kids were dissociative because none of their toys got names beyond dog, cat, baby and they didn’t have comfort items. 20+ years later, there’s no sign they’ve advanced to hurting small animals or becoming serial killers. Don’t worry OP, most of us have been there at (several) points.

My second never cried and was never upset about being left at nursery or school. We have an entirely normal bond and it's never occurred to me there was a problem, probably because I wasn't already worried about anything. Please don't worry.

As others have said, it means he has GOOD attachment - knows you’re coming back!

Soo so true. Was very nervous about nursery settling.... wow, he's happy there and enjoying himself.... then - OH NO!! He's happy and enjoying himself without me??!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hey we have 3 toddlers and never once has any had separation anxiety. I say that's a good thing a happy child

DS (only child) always went off very happily to nursery, school, residential trips away etc. Usually without even a backward glance!
He was a confident, outgoing, sociable and chatty kid whose friends were very important to him from a very young age.
That's just him. Nice to know there are plenty of others just the same. (I used to get ever so slightly miffed at the 'not even a backwards glance'. That's just me. )

See my 3 yo has been awful at drop offs since he started at 1 and that led me to exactly the same conclusion for the opposite reason - insecure attachment! The thing is you can’t know and I agree with what everyone else says; he sounds a lovely, confident, happy little boy who you’re doing a fantastic job of raising :)

Don’t overthink this or question your parenting.

With my DD there was never a backward glance when she went to childminder, pre-school or school. No tears at all. I think it’s just her personality. She has a very sunny disposition, is extremely sociable, loves meeting people, loves conversation (complete opposite to me 😂)

She is 18 now and we have a very close and loving relationship.