1yr old no tears at new nursery, insecure attachment?

[ChesneyHawwkes]

DS just started nursery. Settling went well, no tears, key worker remarked how he just wandered odd to play and didnt look back at me once. Great, he's comfortable i thought! Week 1, no tears, no looking back at drop off. When pucking up, he's calmly handed back to me. Key worker said it was very unusual for there to be no tears at all ob first day I've now googled this, does he have an insecure attachment?? He is a happy little lad, lots of smiles and cuddles with me when at home but not much sign of any separation anxiety yet. I struggled to bond first couple of months and DH did a lot of the night time settling, feeds. Thought we were well clear of this but could i potentially harmed our attachment? Is it unusual to settle to nursery straight away ? Argh, TIA everyone

My son waved goodbye, went to the classroom and sat down at the crayoning table without a backwards glance. I came home and broke my heart, thinking it meant he didn't love me as much as the other kids who were crying for mom.
To this day, he's always just taken new experiences in his stride, it's amazing to watch.

My eldest started nursery at around 14-15 months, he didn’t cry on drop off either, wasn’t at all bothered. He did cry on drop off about 6 months later after he’d had 2 weeks off for a holiday, that lasted a couple of months then he was fine again.

Now my youngest started nursery at exactly 12 months about 7 weeks ago, he was fine on the settling session but has cried every morning on drop off since, it gets a little bit less every week though….we almost made it through the door before he cried this week! 🙈

I think it's a sign of a secure and confident child, who knows that mum will be back later after they've had a bit of a play.

It's not uncommon though, for a child to start crying a few weeks in, once they realise they have to do this every single week, so you might not be out of the woods yet!

Who would have thought that children existed before Google? Common sense will surely tell you that you have a secure and confident child? Trust your parental instincts.

He sounds securely attached. The key worker sounds a bit inexperienced, clueless, or dense and is trying to reassure you but going about it in the wrong way. I'd find those comments very annoying and speak to the manager to check all is OK and if it's usual for keyworkers to be commenting on what the think is unusual about your child.

I agree - DT’s started nursery full time at six months. We didn’t have tears - they were happy to go to nursery and happy at home. I regarded the lack of tears as a positive attachment.

Attachment disorder is usually from chronic neglect, not because you've not done the nighttime feeds. Everything is fine

No, it’s a novelty!

There will be tears soon enough and no it isn’t uncommon! Please stop googling it!

Sounds like a very confident little one. Please don’t worry.

I agree.
I have three, one of them was like this. He's now a super confident near adult with really excellent social skills. I think it's just his personality.

Confidence entering a new setting is evidence of a secure attachment in young children, not an insecure attachment. It sounds like you're doing a good job and your little one feels confident that you will always be there for him so he can go off and explore.

Honestly, sounds like they almost want them to cry! My son was the same. He started nursery just after turning 1 and was 3 recently. I was slightly offended at first, but happy that he was confident to go off and explore. He's very securely attached. He gives us the biggest hugs when we pick him up. He has always been quite a relaxed boy. I have an 11 month old too and think he will be a different story though 🫠. I'd always take a child who doesn't cry. I even struggle seeing other people's upset kids.

Having the confidence to go off alone in a new setting with no tears is quite the opposite actually and shows they feel safe enough and confident enough that you'll be back.

Same as most posters, my dd started nursery at 2 and was quite happy to go in and wasn't at all bothered when I said I'd come back for her later. She just headed for the toys.

It actually means your child has a very secure attachment! They feel happy and confident to go off and explore without you, knowing later they will see you again. It means you have given them the tools to be able to do this.

My daughter never cried going into nursery (she was 2.5) and even as a shy nervous child, she ran in to play with her new friends every day and often asked to go back on her non nursery days. When I was talking about this with the HV she told me the same.

My son didn't cry at all at pre school but cried when starting nursery class at school. My daughter was devastated to be left at pre school until she made a bond with her key worker and later waltzed into nursery class without looking back. Same with any club/setting now. Both have great bond and attachment with both parents.

I think an insecure attachment is not something you can create easily, please don’t overthink. It sounds like your LO is happy, confident and secure to explore knowing that you’ll be back for him. My 6yo and 2yo go off without a backwards glance and are always delighted to see me when I collect them! I’ve a friend with an older child who struggles to be separated from her at all - he can just about go to school, but can’t be dropped at play dates, parties, with any friends etc, has never had a sleepover - I think that’s much much harder and so just enjoy and be confident in yourself and your parenting!

He's fine!! He knows he has a wonderful Mummy who loves him so much she takes him to this amazing place where there are other babies to play with, loads of different toys, interesting new adults to interact with, and then at the end of the day, Mummy comes to take him home again and shower him with love & the family comforts of home. You've clearly done a great job already. Don't fret.

I don’t think mine cried too much at the start either, I think it was me who struggled in the car after! You are doing great.

My 10 month old started nursery about a month ago and so far has only cried once at nursery drop off, and even that was because he had woken up really early that morning.

He’s a really happy carefree baby, so I’ve never thought anything of it to be honest!

He’s always happy to see me at home time, which is lovely.

I think if he did cry it would make it really hard to leave him and it makes me feel better knowing that he’s comfortable and content going to nursery!

Congratulage yourself on raising a confident child. Mine werent bothered either when I left them at nursery for the first time. Neither was I. Crack on and pat yourself on the back

OP I’m a Psychologist and specialise in child development. My toddler has been exactly the same, I view it as an indication of secure attachment. As a parent you are aiming to support your child to move away from you to feel confident in exploring the world knowing that they can always come back to you. It’s great that your child has been able to do that. As well as this, it is possible your little one just hasn’t reached that developmental stage just yet. My child was completely unbothered by us leaving him for the first 3 months at nursery and then at 15 months has developed a little bit of separation anxiety at drop off. He can be comforted by nursery staff and always has a great day, it’s just where he’s at for the minute.

Naaaah, nothing wrong at all. My son was the same. He’s 7 now and really quite independent (happy being dropped off and doesn’t bat an eyelid at holiday clubs etc). He clambers all over me and equally doesn’t leave me alone and loves cuddling.

He is just confident and content and knows you’re coming back to collect him. All kids are different and just because he isn’t physically clinging to you doesn’t mean anything negative in the same way those kids who cling to their parents isn’t a negative.

We all expect kids and babies to be the same, but like adults, they all have their own little personalities.

I wouldn’t worry about not bonding at the beginning, I was exactly the same and dad did most night feeds for first few months and then DS went through an only dada phase and I thought I’d failed forever! Fast forward and he’s just turned two and is going through a I hate dada phase and I have to go everywhere with him 😆in regard nursery he’s always loved it and never cries, just occasionally if he’s been a bit ill or feeling a bit off but in general he’s very independent and confident.

My DS was exactly the same, wandered off without a backward glance. DD a conpletely different ballgame! Enjoy it. Hes a happy secure, curious little boy.

Stay away from google!!