Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

AI Bot speech 🤦🏼‍♀️ Don’t feed it.

She’s supporting her trans child, she sounds like a great mum.

Op, unfortunately I wouldn’t advise posting on AIBU for advice regarding trans children as the majority of posters are uninformed at best and hopelessly bigoted at worst. The smaller LGBTQ forums are more helpful in general.

think some posters haven't picked up that the younger children weren't just using the wrong pronouns. They were using a negative word for trans people.

The OP herself highlighted the word she which gives the impression that pronouns were a part of this and were objected to by the OP's child (and the OP) but the OP hasn't said what the "hate speech" actually was.

If my 15yo daughter is bullied and called a "bitch", a negative word only used towards females (and sex actually is a protected characteristic), does that justify her punching a year 7 in the face (seemingly twice)? No clearly not. What if she is called a "whore" also derogatory word for a female, or a "slut"?

Any child who punches a much, much younger child in the face should clearly be suspended. Frankly any child who punches anyone in the face should be suspended. Punching people in the face is never acceptable. If the OP's child did it once they turn 18 they could find themselves prosecuted.

The bullies are allowed to hold gender critical views. They are NOT allowed to use those views to intimidate the OP's son. As so many have said there is no hierarchy here.

Can I just ask, if you can't force someone to use the pronouns you want them to use, does that mean I (as a woman from birth) couldn't force someone to use she/ her for me and I have to accept they may use he/him because I can't force them?

OP:

For starters, you need to ask the school how on earth 20yr 7s were able to hang up on 3 year 10s in the school at break. There should be staff circulating constantly and this should have been seen and picked up on. If it wasn't, then there is an issue with behaviour and staffing.

Secondly - whilst it shouldn't matter that a yr10 hit a yr7, unfortunately it will colour the view.

The bullying and transphobia is absolutely NOT ok and I wonder if the school are reluctant to act because they don't want it to be recorded officially.

Frankly, it sounds like the school have got several issues to the point where I would probably remove my child. Unless, of course, there is a huge back story and your child is routinely in trouble etc.

This all sounds incredibly hard OP. Of course you need to fight your child’s corner in terms of staying at the school, if your child is happy there.

Once that is sorted I would really urge some reflection on whether you are doing the right thing in going along with your child’s wish to be the opposite sex. I’m sure you’re aware that this situation is disproportionately seen in teenage girls who are autistic.

This organisation is recommended and the autism section has specific information applicable to your situation.
https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/resources/

If they’re constantly misgendering him and other aren’t also being punished then I think that’s best.

You are fighting against a brick wall when the most important thing is your child’s safety and education

To clarify - I meant that whether the kids are yr7 or yr10, hitting should be frowned on for both sides, not just the older child.

There’s clearly more to this than OP’s story but I expect we can all agree

• gangs of y7s should not be allowed to bully anyone without consequence
• denigrating language pertaining to others’ bodies or presentation should not be permitted without consequence
• 15 year old girls shouldn’t hit 11 year old girls without consequences
• 15 year old boys who hit girls of any age should absolutely face consequences, because they have a sex advantage
• anyone bullying anyone because they are autistic, believe themselves to be the opposite sex, or are wearing non-uniform hats should face consequences

Anyone choosing to present herself/himself in unconventional ways can expect to receive unwanted attention. This is not right, but it is a fact. I had a friend once who insisted he had the right to walk alone through a dark park as a short cut, despite already having been beaten up doing the same earlier in the week. Of course he had the right, and it was absolutely unacceptable that he was attacked, but in doing so he chose to put himself at risk. Again, it’s not right, and needs to change, but it is reality.

Also, the OP did not mention a “comfort hat”. It was a “comfort present from his mother”. It’s quite fascinating to see where one mis-reading has led.

The school pupils and teachers have a history of misgendering him.

No one should have their speech compelled or controlled. If they don’t want to call your child a boy then they shouldn’t be forced to lie.

It would be weird and rude, and you (or more likely the person to whom they were speaking, as they aren’t often going to be referring to you in the third person to your face) would rightly challenge them for it, but how would you force them? Report them to the police?

Agree completely

You can’t force people, no. and it’s not a hATe cRiMe

In reality, this won’t happen as people can see sex.

Of course not. You can’t force people to say anything. I’m a very feminine looking woman. If someone chooses to call me Mr then I’m just going to think they’re extremely odd. I can’t force them to call me Mrs.

Back in the dark ages when I was at school, bullying by calling me (and other nerdy girls) a boy was pretty common. Is that 'misgendering', though, or just bratty kids being bratty?

I can understand the 'comfort hat' as a response to autistic overload. DS favoured a hoody pulled tightly round his face. Sadly it made him look like a thug and attracted the attention he was trying to avoid, so we persuaded him out of it. You might see that as giving in to societal pressure.

Wise words. Won’t be easy for you to hear OP, but sometime adults as well and children need a bit of tough love. Good luck.

It's literally because there is so much anti trans bs on MN that is unchecked.

I'm pretty sure that's how it works when 'mtf' is involved,so yes.

If you see “anti trans stuff” report it. But just because you don’t like what’s being said doesn’t make it “anti trans”.

I genuinely disagree. It isn't abut being anti trans, it's about recognising that in any situation punching a child (and a much younger child at that) in the face is not an acceptable response.

This is why we as parents (particularly of boys) spend a lot of time telling our children not to fight at school but to walk away and tell a teacher.

So it’s ok for them to punch a younger girl in the face? What about that girl?

This.

OP, many children who think they are trans have autism or ADHD, or other problems. They feel like misfits, so they understandably jump at what looks like an explanation.

But nobody is ‘born in the wrong body’. Most ‘trans’ children, if they avoid medication and surgery, eventually recognise they are the sex they were born. Feeling there’s something wrong with you is just part of growing up for many young people.

Unfortunately, identifying as trans or non-binary is fashionable in schools at present. As PP says, it’s an ideology that’s very appealing to children who feel they don’t fit in.

It’s a shame those younger girls are bullying your child. They need to be stopped from bullying. But they must not be forced to pretend they believe a girl is a boy.

I do sympathise with you and your child, OP. I know you only want the best for your child. Going along with a child’s mistaken beliefs is not the best path.

You can get help and support from TransgenderTrend.com

Best wishes to you and your child.

Have a word with yourself, you seem to be suggesting that the value of people is more if they're pretty, feminine, have balayage hair etc. what absolute horse shit.

You also seem to be suggesting that the vulnerable, neurodiverse child hit someone because people were being mean when actually they were surrounded by a large number of people who were threatening and abusing them and they were punched by one of them. What other course of action would you have suggested? Because for me, pushing someone away or punching back is an acceptable method of self defence.

For all those saying ‘teach your kid resilience if they’re weird’ would you also say ‘teach your pretty, feminine, balayage daughter to deal with sexual harassment and assault’? After all, you can’t control other people and sometimes other people are just mean if you put yourself out there’.