5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

Gladly it seems she’s understood the lesson about not taking other peoples things which is great. You know, what child doesn’t want to eat endless chocolate and sweets but it really doesn’t mean they should be allowed unlimited access to them. We had a chocolate each from the box after dinner and she’s planning on which one to have tomorrow

GP and pediatrician not concerned about either of my kids height (DS is below the bottom of the chart) due to our heights, our extended families heights. Doctors tried to get my mum to bring me in when I was little as I was so short, but as she and all our extended family are naturally small she ignored them. On the first day of high school I was at least a foot shorter than my best friend (it’s a very cute photo!) now I am taller than her. So really not concerned about her stature, she’s petite just the same as everyone else in our family.

Its really hard to know. My parents weren't exactly strict with stuff but we did have a sweet tin which I think only came out after sunday lunch, and we could have one sweet each. But if we spent our pocket money on sweets that was allowed.

I do remember 'stealing' Christmas chocolates as a small child - and also having a thing for crisps in my teens when I would sneak several packets a day sometimes from the 48 pack multipack Mum used to keep in a cupboard.

But I have no idea if my greed was enhanced by the restrictions, or just my nature? They also allowed us to drink in moderation from mid teens. I do now enjoy a drink more than I should - and I do still love a packet of crisps (but not three) - however I don't have much of a sweet tooth nowadays so the chocolates are probably safe. Really hard to tell nature from nurture I think....

al

And rarely about food per se.

Will she not eat food with the promise of a dessert? And then if she doesn’t eat the food then she doesn’t get dessert?
put small portions in front of her and tell her she only gets the pudding if she eats the meal??
Sugar free chocolate spread??…. The sweeteners in that will make her fancy sugary foods more than if you gave her the normal chocolate spread…
I probably would talk to her about rampaging through your drawer because that would annoy me!

It really isn’t a good idea to say “eat this awful food and you can have this fantastic food”.

It’s so dismaying this old school stuff is still trotted out.

op please don’t use food as a reward or punishment. The situation is bad enough without making it worse.

That’s fair enough, I’ll admit I was really keen for DD to not be at the 3rd percentile her whole life, so have been more than happy to attempt project ‘fatten up and grow’!

Attitudes towards food established early in life can steer someone towards an eating disorder instead of, say, self-harm or compulsive shopping.

Not in the case of the ED sufferers I know. You really think eating healthy food in childhood leads to EDs?

There’s a much stronger link between childhood indulgence and obesity.

Right but did your daughter eat 'normal' food alongside whatever you had to flatten her up with?

It's not that straightforward if a child will only eat sweet things if available

I wish I could say I was happy with her diet and she didn’t have a leaning toward sweet/unhealthy food. At this stage, we have made the judgement call that we would prefer that to her being <3rd percentile for her life. It’s not going to be the call everyone makes and I acknowledge that… for us it’s the ‘least worst’ option. When she is a little older we will definitely have to address the diet more, but right now growth is key. She is now approaching the 20th percentile for height, so I’m slowly getting more comfortable!

No. I think that having certain foods framed as "forbidden", "treats", and "rewards" can contribute to EDs. I think that food deprivation as punishment can contribute to EDs.

EDs are serious mental health disorders as you know, often featuring anxiety, depression, compulsive behaviours, trauma, emotional distress. 70% sufferers have one or more comorbid psychiatric diagnoses.

The key risk factors for EDs are broadly - genetic, prenatal, environmental mechanisms in the form of parent-child interactions, family conditions, and extra familial influences.

In that context parental eating patterns are not so significant unless they have an ED themselves in which case the disordered approach to food (e.g. general preoccupation with food, shape and weight) can have considerable impact.

As you see from these boards “treat/reward” food is widespread, actual “forbidden” food is rare. Nonetheless most people don’t end up with EDs. Overweight and obesity are more common outcomes.

I can only talk personally but my daughter has her treat foods as treats and as part of her regular diet it's just the situation that is different and they are only referred to as treats in my head as a way of providing balance. Given the choice my daughter would never eat "treat" food as she would much rather sauerkraut than chocolate but I think it is good for her to have chocolate as part of her diet so sometimes I have to engineer a situation where it is offered.

I have a coffee after dropping my daughter every morning. Most mornings I drink it at my desk whilst I check my emails. If I have had a bad night I "treat" myself to a coffee in the living room and I sit can gather my thoughts and mindfully drink and enjoy my cup of coffee.

My daughter might have some chocolate with her lunch on a Saturday or like the other week she was very good when we were in the supermarket triple checking the ingredients of all of the Easter chocolates. I did find a small bunny she could eat but not actual Easter eggs so I "treated" her to one. What I said to her was "you can have this bunny, would you like one?"

My partner and I had pizza for tea on Friday. It was a treat as we had had a long week. We eat pizza for tea infrequently but as it was a treat we went for the finest range rather than the regular and paired it with a glass of wine rather than a cup for tea. The pizza didn't change by being a treat but it went from being food to being a meal more about enjoyment than needing food to satisfy hungrr

In our house a treat is a food, or situation that is frequently part of our lives but given irregularly and for enjoyment not just sustaining life. She will get some form of treat probably most days when she is not in nursery but the only food she knows as a treat is a satsuma. She loves them but can't have them as our dentist has said she can't have them as they are bad for her teeth. She has them as a treat every 2-3 months and they are only referred to as a treat so she knows that the rule hasn't changed and she can't ask for them and accept them at nursery

@Superscientist this is clearly working for your family. But it's exactly the kind of strategy/ modus operandi that doesn't work for a child who doesn't naturally prefer sauerkraut to chocolate! Imagine if your child didn't eat anything you put in front of them unless it was laden with sugar.

I also refer to previous posters who suggest supplementing with toast after dinner if needed. What do you do if the child will only accept toast that's covering in Nutella and then licks the Nutella off and leaves the toast?

cutting sugar out entirely is often recommended in that situation. So it becomes more explicitly a 'treat' food

@fishstiks

The average MN only reads the first post OP, so where you've updated - it's getting missed.

Her going backwards on her food choices needs proper help not MN.

Well I have a child who would eat a single table spoon of sauerkraut in 2 days!

She frequently only has 1 meal over the course of a weekend and last week only ate breakfast and fruit at nursery refusing her lunch and tea. At home she ate a small portion of plain pasta with a drizzle of olive oil

She is allergic to dairy, soya, eggs, celery, celeriac, fish, beef, pea protein, coconut, tomato, peppers, aubergine, paprika, chillies, all forms of onions and garlic, carob, tapioca and manioca. She can't have any chicken or turkey from soya fed poultry. She has a mild gluten intolerance which she has partially outgrown. She has severe silent reflux which has caused damage to her teeth so she can only have any form of citrus fruit very occasionally and can't have any form of fruit juice. She has toddler diarrhoea so we have to try to have a high fat and low fibre diet. She cannot have dried fruits or grapes because of this.

We live in a very restricted world when it comes to food and that is before we encounter toddler stubbornness!

What do you do when you go shopping and you can't find any safe to buy your daughter to eat. Even something as simple as a sausage can be out of bounds for my daughter as to make them a more appealing colour they add paprika or onions or garlic for flavor or it's a safe sausage but they use beef casing instead of pork.

Omg @Superscientist thats a tough one!

Thanks @BrondesburyBelle
We might not have issues with sugar (thankfully! - I had to go to 3 supermarkets to buy her an Easter egg) but her and food can still be very stressful! She's only on the 1st percentile for height so needs those calories!

You're creating a negative food situation for your daughter, as others have said you're making her feel that chocolate and sweets are forbidden and creating temptation.

You are setting your DD up for an eating disorder OP. Get help for your own issues with food.

Punish her??
I think you're a bit too precious about the chocs! I know adults who might do the same thing I agree with other posters, there's no good or bad foods and it might be best to relax things with treats.

LOL! Do you keep cleaning products in easy access to your 5 year old and then complain when they’ve got bleach in their eyes OP? If there’s something you don’t want dc to have access to put it out of reach…. Surely