5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

OK OP, I can see you’re feeling defensive now, even when posters are trying to be constructive. I haven’t called you cruel- I think I’ve been super supportive across my posts actually- so going to step away.

best of luck.

Knowing that she does actually like other foods, I would not let her have the sweet foods instead.

I don't feel like my response was particularly defensive, I hadn't said you had called me cruel, others have and I just demonstrated a situation with withholding sweets that I would consider to be particularly mean rather than the sweeping consensus that our saying no dessert after eating nothing for dinner, was mean.

@Kwasi so then you wouldn't allow dessert?

I would allow dessert as long as enough dinner had been eaten and without any tantrums.

@fishstiks in your shoes, I would honestly leave this thread and get some professional advice. I have dealt with a fussy eater who doesn’t have AFRID and it is so so hard to remain consistent. I can see and understand exactly how you have ended up where you are and wouldn’t criticise you at all. Things make sense in our adult mind (like the punishment for taking your choc) but not for the child which is where a professional helps. In addition to this, you are attempting to navigate an entirely different situation with your second child alongside this which will be having an impact too.

Please ignore all the nasty posters accusing you of damaging your DC because their children self-regulate their sugar intake. Their posts perfectly prove the point that they have no clue how to parent a child that does not have the ability to self regulate.

Sending you love and hope an expert can help you build the right eating habits. One thing I will say from experience is that it takes time, a lot longer than we expect. Stay patient and it will happen

Food and mealtimes have clearly become a battleground.

PSOV syndrome is probably what OP's child has ''Prefers sweets over Vegetables''
Or ''FBS'' Food battle syndrome.

Glad it was helpful although I haven’t exactly got a lot of genius answers for you! We ended up in exactly your situation for years. Pancake or porridge for breakfast (wouldn’t be eaten without golden syrup, honey or chocolate spread), lunch was an ongoing problem throughout primary school that I described in a previous post but the only thing he would eat was crisps and an oat bar. Dinner was a limited range such as plain pasta (we started making our own with fresh eggs to try and get more protein in), plain rice with sweetcorn, a few other options. But if there was pudding in the house then all dinner time options would be rejected so we had to phase it out. We haven’t had puddings for years apart from if a guest brings one- this often happens at the weekend. Like you I have to sneak food to the picky eater at weird times and hide it from the over eater. It looks messed up for those who think children should have family meals three times a day but I am adamant the situation was not caused by parenting choices! If one child won’t eat enough at mealtimes and the other child will be made sick/ upset by either being given further food or not given it then what other choice do you actually have? I try not to make food a big focus for either of them, so DS will eat his secretly provided additional food in his room listening to music or reading, he feels safe and relaxed, gets food when he needs it and DD doesn’t need to know. Many people have advised me to cut out the extra food and only provide three balanced meals at the table but having tried this extensively he lost weight and got quite ill. I also tried sticking with school lunches for ages (3 years) in primary school thinking he’d get used to it and try new things but he never did!

Finally, if you do need to capitulate on the sweet stuff, I’m sure you’ve tried this kind of thing but there are ways of making it more nutritious. Things we’ve had some success with are: pip and nut Chocolate spread has nut butter rather than veg oil and isn’t so sweet as Nutella. Obviously it won’t get a look in if there is Nutella in the house… cakes and crumbles can be made with almond flour for more protein. Pancakes can be made with a whole egg per pancake. Flapjacks can be sweetened with blended raisins and dates and topped with chocolate to make them a ‘treat’ but at least they have fibre in. Sometimes I’ve snuck blended seeds in successfully too. Ella’s cookbook has some good ‘healthy’ treat recipies I’ve used. I try to avoid sweeteners but favour honey and date syrup over refined sugar where possible.

Good luck OP and hats off to you for wading through all the ridiculous posts on this thread with such good humour.

@fishstiks - you mention your very high metabolism and that you can't put on weight; is it possible your dd has inherited this and can just eat whatever she wants like you did?
She might need high calorie foods to keep up her energy levels

Agree there should be consequences for the stealing, but short & immediate, like no tv after school that day
No consequences should ever be based around food restrictions

Asking her to plan her meals was a good idea from another poster, plus get her to choose what to add to the shopping list each week

Buffet for after school is good too - no 'what shall we have' questions, but things are just out on the table and she chooses what to put on her plate and eat

Maybe ask the doctor what's the worst that could happen if you do just let her self regulate her eating first a few weeks. She's changed over the past few months and very likely she will change again over the next few

Parenting is testing sometimes!

It seems there are a lot of issues around food in your house, in part due to your DS' additional needs. I would hazard a guess that your DD is aware of her brother's needs, whether you speak about them or not. I grew up with a sibling who had ASD and even though it was undiagnosed in childhood and my parents were rather ostrich-like in the way they approached any issues, I knew from a very early age (certainly before school age) that this sibling interacted with the world very differently from the rest of us.

Also as PPs have mentioned, perhaps your DD behaves this way in part to draw your attention to her. She has discovered that refusing food or taking food in secret elicits a response. Since you have a young baby and a child with additional needs, she probably doesn't receive as much individual attention as she would like. That isn't a criticism at all, in any busy household it's hard to carve out time and space for each child, and you are coping with more than most. But it's one more reason to remove the emotion from anything food related.

Could you give a rough timeline for how you have managed these food issues? In your OP you said that you only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. That sounds very categorical and as though these rules have existed throughout your child's life. But in later posts you say that this has been the case for only a few weeks. You've also mentioned going through stages of forcing her to eat. How long have you used each approach? Weeks, months, years? How old was she at each point? Have the changes coincided with other big changes in her life (the birth of her siblings, starting school, etc.)?

My 6 yo would never steal food, because he knows he can always ask me and within reason ill let him have treaty things, whether it be after dinner or whatever. By being so strict on treat foods you have made them more tempting to her. You need to change your way of thinking on this because she may end up with disordered eating in later life.

Way too strict, not surprised at all that a five year old couldn’t resist if she is so restricted normally.

What kind of parents give their kids tofu yuk! 🤮

Most normal ones 😂 it’s amazing (especially the fresh stuff from Asian markets) Dd would sell me off for a lifetime supply of agedashi tofu.

The more rules and stress you impose the worse it will get. You sound stressy. The healthiest kids never come from the homes with the strictest rules. They come
from the homes where they are taught to learn how to be healthy for themselves, not because someone is imposing it on them

Wow never letting them have desert is a bit odd. School dinners come with a desert in primary and in secondary the meal deal at my kids school is cheaper than not buying the desert.

Mine are teens now. Have always had desert. Sometimes yoghurt and sometimes fruit or chocolate or whatever is on. I don’t have restrictions on snacks in that they can be freely accessed but do have limits on only one packet of crisps in a day or one chocolate bar etc. Usually biscuits is a couple of the loose ones from a larger packet or if the chocolate wrapped ones then one. Out dentist made some comment about not allowing sweets but then said if you must then let them have sweets with their meal rather than between meals. Although I’m not a fan of my ex’s introduction of Easter eggs with cereal in for breakfast and then they can eat the egg after. Overkill for me.

When I’ve been bought sweets as a gift I would expect to be asked if they want one but do often offer them around.

Hiding food in places like your bedroom drawer is asking for trouble though.

My kids are also fussy eaters. One is ND and eats better than the rest of us on the house but the other isn’t although could potentially be, it definitely has a beige diet and lots of fruit.

To improve eating though you it needs to be around the freely accessible and even there for experimenting and playing with. I teach sen kids and food play is a big thing to get them eating more variety.

So you have banned sweet food and yet you leave chocolates within reach…really? Banning food can result in all sorts of issues down the road. When we’re having a sweet treat I make sure there is some fruit included- a banana with a teaspoon of warm Nutella, apple crumble etc. Maybe not perfect but al least there is some goodness in what they are eating. Lift the ban, one treat a day or just at the weekend and relax. I hope your little one’s fussy eating passes soon.

I knew someone who was very strict about her child having sweets and biscuits. The child started stealing stuff and hiding it in her room. Sweets and biscuits became the focus of her life.

I think some children have too much sweet stuff and "junk food", but I do believe being so strict about "forbidden" foods creates a disproportionate yearning for them and often makes a child dishonest and secretive.

I would relax the rules a bit regarding sweet treats and hopefully your child will not be so fixated on them.

I think you are a bit strict on the sweet things. There is nothing wrong with eating lots of fruit. I'm surprised she's allowed crisps at school. Mine stopped eating hot dinners because they hid so much veg in the sauces it always tasted odd. Mine loved breadsticks, cheese cubes and cherry tomatoes for lunch. Was never a huge fan of sandwiches. Also loves toasted pitta with ham and cucumber on the side.

There's a huge difference between not being allowed chocolate cake and ice cream after refusing to eat any rice or greens and wanting fruit after having a try.

She clearly loves sweet things and feels she's not allowed them to the point she's stealing. Show how they are not treats but part of a healthy diet in moderation. You are teaching her that they are "bad" foods to be ashamed of which is a sign of a poor relationship with food. And let her choose actual sweets from a shop at least once a week.

a lot of research out there about pickiness, having a very picky 3 year old myself In understand the struggle. Two things however seem wrong to me: why do you and DH have treats if they are so restricted to your DD. You’re either a low sugar household or not, you can’t just deny your little one. Separately, its not worth breaking the trust with DD over this, she shouldn’t be seeking out sweets in secret, you shouldn’t feel the need the hide them. such restriction only makes the treat more desirable and does not help picky eating. recommendation i came across on this is to serve sweets alongside the main, so that the treat is not on a pedestal, and try not to use it to motivate overall eating (eg if you eat this, you can have that)

Sounds like food is a battle and over time she now restricts her diet to a few things . Lots of control and pressure . Have you tried letting her help herself off large shared plates on the table , not commenting on what she chooses or leaves but do some kind of reward ? Eg if you try / eat some jacket potato with a variety of fillings you get a star on your chart . Two stars gets a treat , sticker book or something she likes , not food related? Get her to help butter sandwiches? Spread various fillings on bread? With no pressure to eat it?