Is what my toddler said serious? (trigger warning - potential child abuse)

[TheNextFreakingThing]

Ds is 2 years old. He turns 3 in September. He joined a new childminder beginning of December. He has settled in well and goes there happily. Today evening when I changed his nappy he asked me if I'm using my finger. I said no, just a wet wipe. He asked me a couple of times more. Then I asked him if anyone uses their finger while changing his nappy and he said the name of his child minder. I asked what she does and he touched and pulled his penis and poked with his finger around his groin. He seemed to find it hilarious. I asked him very casually a couple more times and he did the same thing but then I stopped asking because i didn't want to implant thoughts or false memories in his head by asking leading questions.

Should I be concerned? I mean I am very concerned but I also think it's likely to be just random toddler talk. Ds isn't the most reliable narrator at the best of times.

The childminder is an elderly lady who has been working with children for decades. She works together with another young childminder. If I remember right the changing area is just in the passage and not anywhere private or secluded. There has been no change in ds' behaviour recently. He's a happy little boy.

I dont know what to do. I can't imagine anything sinister is going on but what if? Can i take that risk? I'd also hate to make such a serious allegation against a most probably completely innocent person but again...what if?

For now, I'm planning to just not send him anymore and try to get a nursery place for him but that's quite difficult in my area.

Am I overreacting? Or underreacting? What else can I do? Where do I get help?

Could it be that maybe she just a bit rough when changing him? So he gets a bit poked?

I don't know op. Hopefully someone will be along with some sage advice soon.

I’d be concerned. Don’t ignore it, just in case.

Does she apply creams?

I would move him, I just wouldn’t be able to get the suspension out of my head.

He didn't seem upset about it. He found it very funny.

I would be concerned too OP.

Yes, I have asked her to apply sudo cream but just on his bottom. Not his penis. Also, I always apply the cream with a cotton ball or tissue. Never my finger. Does anyone use their fingers? That might be a possible explanation.

I’d have to move him if I wasnt confident he was safe

I'd always have used my fingers to apply Sudocream

But it's still concerning and I'd take advice on this.

I always used my fingers to apply cream perhaps its thar

I use my fingers to apply cream, when necessary. I'd also move the penis and scrotum (gently!) to clean around them when necessary.

Now you have me worried about nappy changes!

Are you allowed to use a finger? Or indeed want to… I’d use cotton wool or tissue. I wouldn’t have thought they’re allowed to touch the area?

I wouldn’t like it either OP, I’d move him. I would also mention it.

From whom? If I tell anyone official they would have to report it, wouldn't they? What if it's nothing? Most probably it's nothing. How can I put someone through this based on the word of a very unreliable toddler?

I apply cream with my clean fingers. But I don’t pull and tug at my son’s penis. I have lifted it to ensure its clean or to check for infection (he’s had balanitis a few times). I’m usually fairly relaxed but I’d trust your instincts on this.

I’ve always used my fingers to apply cream, never cotton balls or tissue or anything else.

Everyone commenting saying I use my fingers, on your own child presumably? Not in a care setting surely.

@RickyGervaislovesdogs yes my own child, I have no idea what my care setting do TBF.

Just looked up the policy: 2 members of staff present, disposable gloves.

I've always applied nappy rash crram with my hands (fingers), never knew there was a different way to do it. We use metanium so it's too thick to apply with cotton.

I think if it were me I'd have a conversation with the childminder about it (not necessarily in a confrontational way) and trust your instinct with the manner of her response.

Chances are on your side because well over 90% of paedophiles are male.

Of course in a care setting they use fingers to apply creams!

At ournursery they also use their (gloved) fingers to apply metanium, I've seen them do it on dd at pickup time occasionally when I arrive during a nappy change (back when she still wore nappies). Never had any feeling of dodginess about any of the staff there.

Well, on my DGS. Perhaps I should speak to his mum and get her opinion on this. But when you have a poonami situation, you can't just give a quick wipe and wrap up again, you have to wipe into the folds and creases!

Could she be tickling him? To keep him entertained / amused while she changes him? 'here comes the finger' type thing.

or does she have long nails or could be a bit pokey as she changes him?

I would also use my fingers to apply cream.

i think you've handled it well so far and right to be cautious. Others might have better advice about how to handle but definitely trust your gut instincts.

Only you can decide whether to report as honestly it kind of depends on how he relayed what happened and what he imitated (none of us were there and the way you’ve described it is a bit vague)

it could be a whole host of reasons. She could have wiped a bit hard and finger went through the wipe (have done it myself to DD)

Applying cream and moving his genitals out of the way to ensure good coverage

checking to see if there was a rash further in

etc.

I would mention it to her op. Set your mind at ease at least. You can be tactful as to not sound too much like you're accusing

I honestly didn’t know that people apply Vaseline/Sudocrem with tissues or cotton balls, that’s really interesting to know. I’ve always used my fingers when applying creams and still do.

If you use cotton balls and the childminder uses fingers then he’s probably just noticing the difference. In my daughter’s nursery they use gloves when applying Vaseline and still use their fingers when doing so.

Maybe have a word with the childminder and ask how they apply the cream? It doesn’t sound like anything sinister, just that DS has picked up on the difference