I don’t want to breastfeed

[Pancakdayz]

3 weeks in and now I’ve started it I feel like I have to keep going

My newborn is cluster feeding and it’s hell I can’t put her down without her waking immediately and crying for me she’s just been Feeding non stop she’s not even going an hour sometimes

Sleep is awful I can’t remember the last time I had longer than 2 hours in a ro

i have a toddler and the guilt I’m feeling because I just sit feeding my newborn is relentless

I feel like I have to keep going I just am hating it. The only thing I like is the ease of it but I just don’t enjoy this. I want to be able to have someone else hold my newborn for me I feel drained I can’t have 1-2-1 time with my toddler it’s just so difficult

You don't have to do it OP.

Have you tried pumping and giving baby a bottle? You could give them more milk this way and they may settle for longer.
Or, just get yourself some formula tomorrow.

You sound like a great Mum OP and you have the added responsibility of a toddler - it's a lot!

I hear your desperation OP. It’s so unbelievably difficult at the start with 2, especially when the feeding is all on you. If you need to hear it, it’s totally and completely okay to stop breastfeeding. If you want to continue breastfeeding but need to get more of your chest then this place is safe. If you want some advice there are some really knowledgeable folk on here re: breastfeeding. I hope you are okay x

If it's not for you, for whatever the reason is (and never feel like you need to justify it to anyone ever!!!!) then stop.

Your health and wellbeing is so important.

Lots of love OP xx

3 weeks in is awful. All the bad things and none of the benefits. At 6-8 weeks, it's much easier and I think less faff than bottles and sterilising and expense. I hate the idea of lugging crap everywhere and BFing is a lazy women's dream. Have boobs, will travel.

However, if you don't want to, don't.

You don’t have to! I spent four months struggling to BF my first. My second was bottle feeding on day two. It just wasn’t going to work.

Breastfeeding is tough going for the first 8 weeks or so. After 12 weeks it’s extremely easy and convenient for most. You are in the trenches now with a newborn and a toddler so look after yourself - your at the hardest place at the moment.

Its really personal.

I really really wish I'd stopped earlier with my first. I persevered for slightly over 4 months and it was hell.

I took Cabergoline with my 2nd( it prevents / stops milk production).

I am very happy with my choice this time round

People will try and guilt trip you to carry on. But I think you should stop if it's causing you this much distress.

I am going to add to the chorus of 'its really fucking hard, you're doing a great job, and if you want to bottle feed (or mix feed) instead then do it.'

The only thing I'd say is that Im not sure that would make things easier. Because it gives you more work - probably more laundry as ime babies vomit and dribble milk more when they're bottle fed, washing and sterilising bottles, making up bottles, shopping for formula. And formula is more likely to cause issues like constipation with the baby which could cause issues of itself. Also have you managed the knack of having a hand free whilst breastfeeding? I could breastfeed DC2 and have a hand free to play or read with DC1, I could walk around holding DC2 breastfeeding in one arm, I couldn't do any of that whilst doing a bottle feed. I mix fed both my babies from being 2 weeks old btw so not wedding to exclusively breastfeeding but I do think the breastfeeding is a lot more convenient when you have another child to care for tbh. The things I did do though that helped a lot was a dummy for naps where needed, and also DH did 3 of the night feeds a week with a bottle (initially expressed breast milk then formula from around 6 weeks old). That gave me three nights a week with a longer block of sleep. Also if I had breastfed baby and they wouldn't settle to sleep quickly after he would take over and he did all night time nappy changes. I hope you have a partner that can support you in a similar way?

Don’t do it then. I hated it. It hurt and l got sick of the “it doesn’t hurt nonsense”. It did. It wasn’t a technique thing as it hurt even when l pumped. Plus it was twins and my supply was crap, l got sick of the screaming after feeding. Then my husband would make them some formula

Breast feeding is best fir the baby and best for you, but you don't need permission to stop.

You don’t have to!!

For all the reasons you mentioned, I didn’t even want to try breast feeding with #2. I couldn’t imagine the sleep deprivation and coping with a newborn and a toddler all day so I went straight to formula and we were all happy!!

#2 is all grown up now and is healthy and smart. Same as #1.

Breast milk is the ideal food, but it can be very hard so do what works for your family. Your LO will be fine either way.

As someone who has done both, your genuine hand-on-heart feelings matter. If you want to stop, stop. If you want to keep at it, do so. Don’t let anyone else influence you in any which way.

Cluster feeding really is so draining isn't it? I remember once having a meltdown when I fed my dd for 3 hours and she was hungry again 20 minutes later.

Mixed feeding might be the way to go. There is so much public debate about breast v bottle. I didn't even realise mixed feeding was an option until after I had a baby.

If you can get your lo to take a bottle as well as the breast then that might make things more manageable. But, you are in the thick of it right now so I feel for you. Good luck going forward.

I remember this feeling well with my 2nd DS! The toddler spent most of those early days planted in front of the Wiggles. Try not to feel guilty.

I introduced a bottle (as much as he'd take) after bathtime and before bed. He usually cluster fed all afternoon so this was a top up really, and he'd then sleep quite soundly until after midnight. It really helped with getting some quality story time with the older one followed by a big unbroken sleep for me.

Sometimes I'd leave him with XH to give a second bottle at 12/1am so I'd get a longer sleep.

If you want to stop breastfeeding you should! I'm just sharing my experience in case you're on the fence and maybe introducing some strategically timed bottles might improve things without having to give up BF completely.

I kept going with bf as I couldn’t be arsed with the faff with bottle feeding.

By my third I had mastered the art of feeding the baby in a sling and managing the other two. If you can manage to breastfeed in a sling it’s the business. Otherwise try doing jigsaws, colouring- other sitting down things with the toddler while feeding. It helps a lot.

In the early days I made a lot of use of haakaas and froze breast milk.

Then husband or sometimes my mum would be able to make a bottle or two and that would allow me a stretch of uninterrupted sleep at night.

Have you tried this? Might just see you through. But if you're not happy, you've done 3 weeks and that's great. Move to formula if you need to.

This was me too. Hard in the short term, worth it for me in the long run.

You do know she does not have to feed all the time? Just pit your finger in her mouth and detach her.

If she wants to exclusively breast feed then this is bad advice. Cluster feeding tells the body to increase milk supply as the baby demands more.
Of course it is ok to stop, best way would be to replace one feed at a time with a bottle and slow down gradually to avoid problems. I wouldn’t advise pumping as that just adds another job to keep you away from both dc.
What you have to decide is whether you actually want to stop or if this is just a difficult patch you can push through. If you do it will get easier.

Oof yeah it's so hard at first especially when you have a toddler.

I really didn't think I was going to make it, but actually in the end I stuck with it out of ease. Mainly because you don't have to remember any extra stuff when you go out.

And you go out so much more and earlier with dc2 because you've got to do stuff with the toddler.

It was awful for the first 6 weeks though, hated every minute, and the guilt was intense.

Just remember this bit will pass.

Look, I say this as a woman who breastfed all three of her children;

You don't have to do this! It's not working for you or your family. It's 2024, there are very acceptable alternatives to breastfeeding. It's OK not to do this if it's not working. I know lots of wonderful children who never had an ounce of breastmilk.

You don’t have to do it! We are giving you permission to stop feeling bad. Honestly. Don’t beat yourself up.

So stop. Use formula.

This isn't a moral issue, no matter what common culture would have you believe. You wouldn't be a better mother for having breastfed your second child.