I don’t want to breastfeed

[Pancakdayz]

3 weeks in and now I’ve started it I feel like I have to keep going

My newborn is cluster feeding and it’s hell I can’t put her down without her waking immediately and crying for me she’s just been Feeding non stop she’s not even going an hour sometimes

Sleep is awful I can’t remember the last time I had longer than 2 hours in a ro

i have a toddler and the guilt I’m feeling because I just sit feeding my newborn is relentless

I feel like I have to keep going I just am hating it. The only thing I like is the ease of it but I just don’t enjoy this. I want to be able to have someone else hold my newborn for me I feel drained I can’t have 1-2-1 time with my toddler it’s just so difficult

Stop if you want .
Or mixed feed if you want, for as long as you want.

Personally I think bottle feeding is piss easy but usually people use the word 'faffy' to describe it - that's not been my experience to be honest. Do what's best for your situation.

I have tried an electric wearable pump and I get 3oz max :( so not much? I don’t know what’s right or wrong amount at this stage

i do want to introduce a bottle and since I’ve just bought a very expensive pump I’d like to try and get some more from that

and I have heard around/after 6 weeks it gets easier and I do try to hang onto this. And this is why I feel I shouldn’t quit yet because everyone will just see that I didn’t stick itbout

my toddler has been absoloutely amazing, and is getting good with some independent play but we also do books / puzzles where I can sit with him while feeding baby. My guilt is more because I’m just constantly holding the newborn it feels like and I wonder what he thinks and if it upsets him? He seems fine and has been fantastic with his baby sister

but I just worry he’ll be upset and feel left out and it’ll affect him soon

You don't have to buy at the age if you don't breast feed you are making bottles constantly. It gets better by 6 weeks

I know they're ugly and take up loads of room but I found an electric baby swing to be a life saver at that stage. I could pop baby in to be rocked and soothed (often to sleep) while attending to the toddler. A lot of people recommend wearing babywearing which is also great, but some things are definitely easier without a small human strapped to your front!

My midwife was a BF propagandist who basically emotionally blackmailed sobbing, engorged me into into not jacking it in when dC1 was ten days old. He was a milk-maniac and I never got more than two hours sleep until he was established on solid food. I thought I’d killed him with baby rice and banana when I woke up one morning and it was light outside. Thanks to her I felt like it was breast-feed or die trying and I think I have that to thank for PND.

On the plus, tits are always available, sort of free and don’t need sterilised. On the minus, it can drive you right off your head.

You’re getting anxious about your older child, and BFing is making you feel end-of-the-ropey. At this point, prioritise yourself, and start with a sleep. Would you try a half-way measure and introduce the odd bottle? I did so with DC2 on the advice of another, kinder midwife who took the pragmatic view that while combining can reduce supply and end BFing, it can also prolong it when it’s a toss-up between the odd bottle when it’s all too much or stopping altogether.

Or just give it the boot. The baby has had the benefit of colostrum and you can get a well-earned snooze.

You certainly don’t have to

If you want to stop, stop

If you want TJ give it 2 weeks and see how you are, do that

Either way your baby will be fine - do what you need to do for your own mental health

Helpful

I have re-written this about 3 times as I don't want to give poor advice. I have had 4, DS1 was breastfed, and I didn't love it but felt it was the right thing to do, he was a 10lb baby and always hungry, he was an hour on and an hour off sometimes, it was dreadfully hard during the night., I felt like I never had enough sleep and I had mastitis on several occasions, and just problems with him latching on, I did it for 6 months and then switched to bottles ( I had to go back to work). My DD1 was born a year after her brother, and tried to feed her myself, but after 2 weeks (no wet nappies, issues with latching on) I gave her bottles. My last two I decided not to breast feed at all, and the journey was better. My grandson has recently been born, and his mum said from the start that she would not breastfeed and obviously they've gone through those nighttime feeds when they are in their first couple of months and the baby is not sure whether it is night time or day. By 9 weeks my grandson was having his night time bottle, and going down from 7.30pm til at least 4.30am, which would be like a godsend for most, he sometimes goes later too. My son and DIL were quite strict about him only having a bottle every 3 hours etc.. Long story short, but please do what will be right for you. My four are all grown up now, and there was never a difference in intelligence, ability to do things, or susceptibility to illness. Breastfeeding made zero difference to me other than making things hard. Hope this helps xxx

Yeah it's also fucking soul destroying for some people and if it is going to result in PND then it won't be good at all for baby or for mum.

The relief I felt at week 3 when my sister said "Feeding your baby is the priority here, not boob or bottle" Feeling I had the choice made me realise I wanted to choose to keep going.

Probably going to get flamed for this, but I don't care! Eldest was fed to a routine. He was healthy and happy. Next child fed on demand. She never stopped eating. It made me crazy as I never stopped having my boob out, her in my arms and it made her so unsettled. I'll never forget the amount of crying, then huge amounts of vomit that came out of her regularly. There was so much at DSs birthday party at 5 weeks old that it became the day she went on a feeding routine. She was so much happier after. And there was so much less vomit. I know what is recommended for feeding today, but that's my experience.

I hope you find the solution that works for you and yours. If that's changing to the bottle, then you're still being a great mum, as you're feeding your baby.

I fed my youngest ready made formula. Sure it was more expensive than powder but it was a million times easier and saved my sanity. All the people saying formula is a faff, it actually doesn't have to be.

I also hated it & gave up after 1 week. I was so much happier after that! If you don't want to do it you don't have to. Lots of love

Please give up if you want to without any guilt.

Apart from colostrum, i haven’t even tried with my second baby. It has allowed me to get a bigger block of sleep while DH has her, and it has allowed me a lot more 121 time with my 3 year old, who I missed taking out during my 3rd trimester as I was in pain and had breathing issues.

It’s been so much better for our family. I was also FF and am very healthy.

Don't do it. Just formula feed instead.

No-one cares and it doesn't really affect anything except you and your mental health

I ended up with thrush in the breast (fucking agony) cracked nips and mastitis

Awful

Sounds like you could be needlessly linking two separate things - guilt over time with your toddler and hellish feeding.

If you continue breastfeeding you might find it easier in the long run to sit with baby under your top while you read/play with your toddler with your spare hand than the two hands it needs to give a bottle and obviously a bit of prep time. But it's not like your breast milk will dry up as soon as you give the baby formula - especially if you're still feeding at night. Why not try the formula and see if it works better for you.

Don't worry about your toddler seeing you holding the baby - that's putting needless guilt and pressure on yourself. You're looking after your toddler's future playmate and they will love their baby sibling too. They will be impacted by the big change in their life but it's a positive one and you're clearly aware of their needs.

Gets some bottles, formula and sterilising kit. A tight bra and some painkillers. Dont give it a second thought. They’ll be eating chicken nuggets off the floor in no time 😂

I bf both ds's, actually I was mixed feeding quite a lot too. Stop if you want to. Nothing should cause this much distress.

But before you do, is there a breast feeding clinic anywhere near you, or private advice, because I went to our local hospital (admittedly this was years ago when it was more available) and that helped.

When I felt like you I started to combi feed so DH could give bottles and I caught up with much needed rest/sleep and relaxation. Feeding a baby is essential but BF is only 1 way to do this, give yourself a break and let someone else take the reins. Good luck and congratulations on your new arrival

@Pancakdayz I am just over 2 weeks into our breast feeding journey with DC2. It’s definitely a learning curve as I couldn’t breast feed DC1. I don’t think anyone prepares you for how difficult it it. Day 2 was the worst baby was literally attached to me for 18 hours with the odd 5-10 minute break. I thought they had broken me as was already 3 days with no sleep.

Although not a rule as yesterday was horrendous - we are going 1-2 hours in the day and 3-5 at night. I have been expressing and DH has been giving baby a bottle of breast milk around 10:30-11. I go to bed after previous feed around 8:30-9. That way I get a few hours sleep.

I find that because baby has gone longer at night my boobs need expressing come morning. Also if baby takes from one side and refuses the other/has very little from the other that one starts leaking so I express then too.

I keep reading it gets easier around 6-8 weeks 🤞🏼. I just keep thinking how easy it is to leave the house without having to prepare bottles 🙈.

Apparently breastfeeding is like taking a daily 7 mile walk and takes up 30% of your body’s energy - which is more than your heart uses!

You honestly sound amazing, managing a toddler and feeding a baby at the same time is not easy, bottle or breast!! What you're saying is very familiar though, I became so protective and worried about DC1 when DC2 was a newborn, DC1 was 5. I can also echo what others say about formula not necessarily being easier at this stage, I distinctly remember hearing bottle fed babies screaming for milk as obviously there's a wait for a bottle to be made up, I found it quite stressful and was happy to just be able to stick mine on a boob without having to wait.

I pumped milk because I was returning to work but I hated it, pumping, breastfeeding and bottle feeding felt like the worst of all worlds to me. All the washing and sterilizing bottles and parts, as well as sitting like a cow a few times a day and having to eat CONSTANTLY. I didn't even start expressing milk until the 8 week point but had 14 litres stashed by the time DC1 was 13 weeks. Soul destroying.

Give yourself a break. Bottle feed if it's what's best for you, because a happy relaxed you is what's best for baby. But the breastfeeding will very soon get much easier, and you don't need to express unless it's returning to work before they're a year and you want to ebf.

Then don't. I found it agonising, and I didnt make enough milk of good with quality so dd1 was always hungry and I was miserable. The relief for us all when we switched to bottles was like nothing else. I breast fed dd2 for longer (though still only a few months). Guess which one of those kids gets sick more? Dd2 get every cold going. Other than that at 18 and 16 there is no tangible difference between them health or development wise. It's absolutely fine to stop.

i don’t think pumping makes things easier. It’s just adding more jobs - breastfeeding and pumping and bottle feeding. 3oz is fine, it takes time for your body to get used to pumping.

aw your toddler will be absolutely fine. No matter what way you feed there is lots of holding the newborn but it is short amount of time really. We had a baby swing I found really handy to get a bit of peace.

Please don't feel bad if you would like to stop breastfeeding. 3 weeks is amazing. I breastfed my first 3 children until 12/17/30 months old and when I had my 4th I knew I couldn't breastfeed again for the sake of all of my other children and routine for everybody. I breastfed my 4th in hospital when it was just the two of us but as soon as I got home I switched to bottles and I've never looked back or felt guilt for doing what was best for everyone.

Do whatever you want to do and be gentle with yourself x