I don’t want to breastfeed

[Pancakdayz]

3 weeks in and now I’ve started it I feel like I have to keep going

My newborn is cluster feeding and it’s hell I can’t put her down without her waking immediately and crying for me she’s just been Feeding non stop she’s not even going an hour sometimes

Sleep is awful I can’t remember the last time I had longer than 2 hours in a ro

i have a toddler and the guilt I’m feeling because I just sit feeding my newborn is relentless

I feel like I have to keep going I just am hating it. The only thing I like is the ease of it but I just don’t enjoy this. I want to be able to have someone else hold my newborn for me I feel drained I can’t have 1-2-1 time with my toddler it’s just so difficult

I only breastfed my youngest of 3 and I did find that she didn't so much as cluster feed in the evening but more just scream from the chaos of my trying to get the other two to bed.
The early weeks were chaos but like your little one my two just played and entertained themselves and didn't seem to mind.
I had heard that putting them down on their side initially to reduce the startle reflex and then gently roll them onto their back once you knew they weren't going to wake would help you put them down and it did.

When youngest was 6 weeks I started putting her to bed first (in the next to me in my room) and then getting the other two stories and into bed and this really helped me get everyone sorted for the night. I'd check on her and then go to bed about an hour or so after I got the big two down.

I did find breastfeeding easier when established for getting out of the house, and less washing up to do, but I don't notice much difference in her and her siblings who were both formula fed. So far she is a better eater than them and she's 2.5 but that's it really.

Most European countries advise using formula from day one until you manage breastfeeding.
In the UK, they tell you it will affect your milk production. IT DOESN'T! They only tell you this because they know some mothers will realise how much easier to use formula and give up on breastfeeding.
Every mother I know from my country used formula (including me) and managed to complitely give up and move on to exclusive breastfeeding after a month or two (depending on the baby).

I remember week 3, I decided to go get my nails done as i felt so yuck. DH walking DD up and down the high street in the pram. I was so sleep deprived my hands were shaking and they couldnt paint them.

We introduced a bottle of formula so DH could have ger for a bit while I caught up on sleep. That massively helped. We eventually dropped the formula when she was about 4 months old as it were more settled then. We went on for three years.

Just here to say if you want to carry on, you can with help. If you want to stop, stop! You've done amazing and should be proud of yourself.

OP I remember being besides myself unable to feed my LO. I was a little different to you as we never managed a successful feed, but I was attempting and then pumping for every feed, making measly amounts of milk. I made a post on mumsnet and got lots of replies telling me to switch to formula, it wasn't a big deal and nobody cared how I fed my child. I was a bit shocked because at the time it felt so significant and definitely a very big deal! Months down the line, I realise everyone was right and echo what they say. It's just not a big deal. Formula is a safe alternative and my formula fed baby has been a healthy, thriving baby. Making bottles is absolutely not the hassle it is made out to be (I'm sure the NHS just spread this to stop people doing it!) and the fact I can share feeding with my DH has been amazing (and more than compensates for the small amount of extra washing, sterilising and formula prepping!). I tried, gave it my best, switched and didn't look back. If you want to stop, stop. If you don't want to stop and it is more about your toddler, there is some good advice in this thread. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty. You sound like an amazing mum.

My three were formula fed from the outset and they all grew up happy and healthy kids plus it wasn't just me in attendance to their needs.

For some people it doesn't pass, it's absolutely ok to stop if it's not working for you. This is why new Mums carry on struggling, because they don't receive proper support. Just an army of people saying "stick with it", that's not practical help at all. I found breastfeeding to be an absolute nightmare, it's not easier than bottles in my opinion because the baby is never full and it can takes hours. Such a huge inconvenience! Just my opinion based on personal experience, absolutely well done to those for carrying on but there's no shame at all in packing it in and getting on with your life.

You don't have to do it, I gave up with our girls because it was taking my sanity and they grew happier from fuller tummies

If you hate it, stop! It's totally fine. Or consider combi feeding, that's what I did. Made the transition from breast to bottle super easy as I gradually upped formula and decreased breast over 5 or 6 months.

I did this at night. Kept sterilised bottles and bottles of pre made formula beside my bed. No way was I getting up in the middle of the night and going down to the kitchen to make bottles if I didn't have to.

I had a love hate relationship with breastfeeding. The worst moments were when I had no choice but to breastfeed as the GP gave up trying to find a formula she didn't react to due to multiple food allergies.
You can breastfeed 100% of the time, 80% 50% 20% 0% and anything in between. Breastmilk is amazing and breastfeeding is wonderful but it also can be heartbreakingly awful. I ebf, I ff and I tried combifeeding. If I could have got combifeeding to work I think I would have breastfeed until a natural end and stayed out of hospital. Breastfeeding an allergy and reflux baby trashed my mental and physical health but at the same time it was also wonderful for my mental health as it was something I could still do for my daughter when my depression had br bed bound

Chose the option that eases your soul and lifts you up and doesn't beat you down. 3oz expressed milk is good at that point, it was about the amount my daughter took in a bottle in the mornings whilst I got some sleep (pre bottle aversion)

My dad was 3 months premature and he was fed in condensed milk as a baby as they didn't have high calorie formulas at the time! He thrived and did amazingly considering he was born on what was the edge for life

People only care about bf Vs FF until you wean and then it's purees Vs baby led and then it's organic Vs chicken nuggets. Judge in the moment but soon long forgotten. Just do what works for your family

The day I made a bottle of formula and sent a message (a polite one) asking the peer supporters to leave me to it, was the day my parenting journey became much easier!

@sleepingbeau Yes! We use extra formula so the baby is full and sleeps better etc.
I gave formula before naps and night time but breastfed during the day- it didn't effect my milk yet I had a happy baby who slept well.

What European countries? I've had children in 2 European countries and lived in a 3rd, this isn't the information I was given.

"it gets better...enjoy the cuddles"...what a stupid, unhelpful comment. Wouldn't surprise me if this person is a midwife.

I couldn't manage it. I decided that the feeling of wanting to rip my precious baby off my boob and throw him across the room was not conducive to happy motherhood so jumped to bottle feeding. There is sooooo much guilt attached to breast/bottle and frankly we don't need it. Both are best if it suits mother, lifestyle, baby. If you want to bottle feed then go ahead - there are many advantages. Just don't make yourself feel that it is somehow less than. It's not something the baby will put on their cv, nor you on your gravestone. I'm a teacher and it never crosses my mind that a child's outcomes are down to some milk. There are a huge number of variables at play before that needs to be considered. Good luck.

Stop, then. It’s entirely your decision.

I gave up breastfeeding after 3 days, it hurt and I hated it. I used to dress each feed so I swapped to bottle because I wanted to be having a nice bonding experience which with the bottle it was, baby being fed me relaxed opposed to me sat in tears feeding, in pain and stressed. You have to do what rights for you.

Give it up. Formula is fine and healthy don't make yourself feel shit as it's hard enough as it is

@sleepingbeau women on here have described being in pain and miserable. They are not enjoying cuddling their baby. Your comment is totally tone deaf.

Aleays totally baffled by posts like this. This lady is literally telling us it’s absolutely horrific for her, but your response is to tell her she’s doing what’s best for herself??? How exactly?!

Why do some people insist on ignoring the real, lived experience of many women - which is that breastfeeding can be utterly damaging, destroying their mental and physical health. The potential minuscule risk of reduced chances of certain cancers in later life is not worth that for many, many women. BF is the best thing for SOME babies and SOME women but this bizarre, blinkered view that any amount of suffering is worthwhile because its always best for everyone is so messed up.

**
Why do some people insist on ignoring the real, lived experience of many women - which is that breastfeeding can be utterly damaging, destroying their mental and physical health”

Because they’re zealots who believe everyone should do as they do, regardless.