Do you do things/activities as a family all together?

[staryeyed]

If so what do you do and how old are your children?

I love our family time together so much (children are 5 and 3)

we always try and eat together, only time we don't is if dh is late home.

things we love doing as a family: visiting local children's farm, going to playgrounds, going for walks in the woods and collecting pinecones, leaves etc, special trips occasionally to a castle maybe, the seaside etc, swimming together, bike riding, football etc etc

if we are at home we have table football tournaments (best thing we ever bought!), play a game like Snakes & Ladders or do puzzles, read stories or watch films with popcorn. or cook/make things.

love it, can you tell am feeling nostalgic after lovely Easter weekend together?

am SO looking forward to moving next year and being able to do stuff like canoeing.boating together as kids get older

seeker - that situation just doesn't arise with us... but I suspect that our parenting techniques are very, very different .

How does it not arise, Anna - does everyone always want to do the same thing?

I missed how old your children are, by the way.

DSS1 is nearly 13, DSS2 is 10.5 and DD is 3.4.

DSS1 likes staying at home on his own sometimes and chilling with a book or in front of the TV. Since he works really hard at school and plays tennis on Wednesdays he is genuinely sometimes pretty knackered and we have no problem letting him stay at home if he prefers to.

DSS2 pretty much always wants to be with his father, so whatever his father is doing, DSS2 will be doing to - whether he enjoys it particularly or not.

DD doesn't want to be left out of anything - the problem with her is keeping her at home when DSSs and partner go out to tennis and don't want her.

In a general way though we are very consensual with one another... we want to agree.

So do we - want to agree, that is. But we don't, always. And that's when I think, as a parent,I have the casting vote.

Yes. That's what my partner's ex-wife thinks. That's why she's the ex

watch tv, have take outs play music and dance like mad

Anna, the situation doesn't arise for you because the child who wants to opt out of the family activity is old enough to stay home alone.

With a 5 yr old it is different. We won't be forcing DS into the car when he is a teenager and he chooses to stay home alone for a few hours. (I suspect DH will no longer be able to pick him up by then )

Anna, the situation doesn't arise for you because the child who wants to opt out of the family activity is old enough to stay home alone.

With a 5 yr old it is different. We won't be forcing DS into the car when he is a teenager and he chooses to stay home alone for a few hours. (I suspect DH will no longer be able to pick him up by then )

Ooops!

OSOTC - that's not how it is and that is not why the situation doesn't arise.

We have lengthy conversations about what we are all going to do and when, and discuss how, over time, each one of us is going to get to do what he/she wants. The secret to consensus is discussion and the fair spread of decision making across the family.

We have plenty of situations when an activity won't be much fun for my daughter (say) and don't force it upon her.

You have to know when it is appropriate to get all family members doing something together, and when not.

Thanks, Anna!

It must be lovely to be so right - wish I was!
In the meantime, I will continue to muddle along in my less than perfect family - and if I think sometimes I know better than my 7 year old what is best for him, I will say so, and isnsist that he comes on a walk he doesn;t think he wants to go on but will love once he =gets to the beach

seeker - I think you are the one who seems to think she knows how right she is

I think it is misguided to think that as parents we know better than our children what is good for them. We need to listen to them a lot to help them find out for themselves what is good for them...

I thought we were talking about 'forced fun' ie when a small child doesn't want to come along with the family but ends up having a fab time.

Luckily DH and I think it is entirely appropriate to force a 5 yr old out of the house for a country walk where he is going to be running around having a whale of a time playing pooh sticks and splashing in puddles, especially when it is a beautiful Saturday afternoon and he has been in school all week and the forecast for the Sunday is wind and rain and he is going to have plenty of time to play Lego then.

Would one of you really stay behind and miss out on a family activity that your small daughter would enjoy just because when it was time to leave she preferred to play her favourite indoor game?

Janni worded it well earlier: "Respect for everyone's wishes is fine up to a point, but small children do sometimes have to be told what to do"

We have DS aged 4.5 and the three of us do everything together. I am a SAHM and do lots of stuff at home with DS like painting, junk modelling, teaching him reading and numbers etc, baking, watching DVD's, taking him swimming, to the park or to bouncy indoor places.
He does football and drama on the weekends and sometimes DH takes him or sometimes we all go together. As a family we do stuff in the garden all together, go to the park, go into town for a coffee or lunch, we do homey things like look for stuff in garden centres, DIY stores, PCWorld, IKEA together (we draw the line at Tesco which I do online, we do cinema, trips to zoos, farms, country parks, forests, or just stay home have mad dancing in the lounge, play board games or just sit around watching telly.
DH puts him to bed most nights as I am out three evenings a week and DH tends to sit and watch long children's DVD's or TV programmes with DS more than I do.
It's tiring though and me and DH hardly have any purely adult time to ourselves and this is starting to be an issue for us - because we want some time to ourselves. But our little ones are only this age for a short time and it is so lovely to see DS's little face so happy.
We also have DSD aged 8.5 who visits occassionally and we do all of the above when she is here or we go and do fun stuff in London when we visit her.

No, because it wouldn't happen... it really wouldn't . She is quite able to project herself into whatever activity she is being offered outside and to understand that she would enjoy it/it's better to do that now and come back and do puzzles/dolls house/painting later.

One of us does stay behind when the activity is unsuitable for her.

We don't do "forced family fun", actually I agree with Anna on this. if one child doesn't want to do something I'd leave them behind as long as there was someone to leave them with.

I have gruesome memories of forced family fun as a child and it's put me off certain activities for life.

But generally the dds are quite easy to please, the 3 of them are close in age and tend to want to go out and do similar things, with each other and with us, so lack of enthusiasm for family outings is not a regular problem.

I hope for your sake she is just as amenable when she's an opinionated 6 year old!

Oh, she's very opinionated and always has been.

Having an opinion is a pre-requisite for negotiation and reaching consensus...

I would hate for anyone to think that it is a regular problem in my household. I don't think regularly forcing children to do things is a good thing which is why I raised the issue a few days ago. It would definitely be easier for me if DS was always willing to join in or to accept delayed gratification of his wishes in a graceful manner rather than hiding under the bed. But I am relieved to see that some other posters encounter the same problems as me (seeing as none of my RL friends do) so I am glad I have raised the issue.

By the way staryeyed, sorry for taking over your thread but I think a few people have found this an interesting discussion.

Seeker, don't you mean stubborn rather than opiniated?

we do tons of stuff together, all the time

BUT what we have worked out along the way is that they have just as much fun at the local (fab) park that is FREE as they do when we pay ££££ to go to Tatton Park or whatever

so we do the free stuff

THEN if they spend the time moaning you do not think "ungrateful little shits, this has cost me £40 to come here, enjoy yourselves FFS!! "

you think "ahhh well, let's go home then"

I think its important for all family members to sometimes do things that is not their preferred activity and participate in others fun too. As long as everyone gets to do a little of what they like and nothing of what they absolutely hate.