When did you put your baby forward facing in the car?

[ZEWatson]

My baby has always hated the car, from the drive home from the hospital until now at 15 months old. It's horrendous, she screams like someone is torturing her. She doesn't nap in the car and once she's decided she's upset there's no amount of singing/ snacks/ toys/ distraction that will stop her. All our family are over 3 hours away and we do a lot of groups/ activities so have no choice but to drive.

She's a good weight and height and her car seat says she can go from 15m. I know it's TECHNICALLY safer to stay rear for as long as possible, but surely if she's so upset and I'm constantly distracted/ trying to settle her whilst driving then it isn't actually safer because I feel I'm so much more likely to crash when she's irate. Anyone else have this dilemma?

For reference she is a typical 'allergy baby'. She's fussy, she's got reflux, she generally is a miserable sod 😆

My DS was like this in the baby car seat, we put him in an extended rear facing seat at 9 months. He was so much happier. It had more room and he wasn't squashed. He stayed rear facing until he was five years old in that seat, then we turned it around and was in it till 8. Best money we ever spent, it was a britax two way ellit.

I don't think it's the rear facing that's the issue, more that the small seats aren't as comfortable.

Is she still in her infant carrier? Look into an extended rear facing seat. Go and try them out in a specialist shop - maybe you have an In Car Safety Centre near you? My reflux, allergy, fussy toddler loves her Axkid Minikid 2 😊

Both of mine stayed rear facing until 4.5 years old. Axkid seats are very good. It is easier having them FF but the benefits of RF in a crash are overwhelming. It can be the difference between a bruise and a broken neck/internal decapitation.

My uncle tests car seats (amongst other things), and said that this is the safest car seat, and it is forward facing. It’s expensive (but there is money off at the mo - we bought it at full price 😭). Ours loves it.

https://www.cybex-online.com/en/gb/p/10082279.html?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA8YyuBhBSEiwA5R3-E_D3mWydRCUD28c419uzjeAdMP1Z0JjdN9vfgmSteWfKeMiBcw6NUxoCndgQAvD_BwE

I'm slightly worried about your Uncale it's widely expected that rear facing small children is safer due to the risk of internal decapitation. Some countries even make it compulsory upto 4or 5 years old.

Even the US is better at us on this one as I believe the last time I checked they say 2 years at minimum.

Even though DD went into a forward facing car seat as a baby, when I found out with DS that its safer to keep them rear facing we bought a new seat for him.

I have to admit this is one of the areas where there is something of a dichotomy between RL and MN; in RL pretty much everyone went FF from about 12 - 18 months.

If your child tolerates rear facing that’s fine but a lot of them won’t without (loud) protests which as you rightly say makes car journeys potentially more dangerous.

Keep them rear facing - it's really not worth the risk.

If they're screaming rear facing, I don't see them doing anything different forward facing. Try looking into a new seat that will provide comfort.

How do you know she'll be happier forward facing? She might just not like the car full stop.

Mine rear faced until nearly 5 (small for his age). I didn't give him an opportunity to try forward facing until then.

This is something I'm always confused about. Apart from the newborn ones I've never seen a rear facing carseat. We've always had an isofix base, the newborn seat fits rear facing and the other seats fit forward facing.

Mine faced forward from 18 months. Agree not common on here but in real life everyone I know does this.

My sons 22 months and been forward facing for the psst 6 months

That specific car seat is the exception if you have to forward face it scored very highly.

We rear faced till 4/4.5

EDIT- She has been in the next size up seat since 4 months because we were so desperate to try anything. It's a Nuna Todl seat which I believe has high safety ratings. It's on the nuna 360 base. I'll still keep her rear for motorway drives I think...we live in Cardiff which is 20mph everywhere anyway 😆🤣

Yeah I've found this too. And there's a FB group called Car Seat Safety UK which is even more extreme, I joined it ages ago when looking for advice on car seats and they barely even allow you to mention forward facing before the age of 4. Lots of scary info on there about how crap UK car seat testing is.

Yet I literally know no one in real life who continued RF after 18 months. I FF mine from around 16 months, with my next I will try longer.

I can’t remember when exactly we switched to forward facing but it would have been around 12 months. Personally we found it did make a difference in terms of the screaming (and my two were subsequently diagnosed with autism so the screaming really was extreme and difficult to deal with).

Of course people get so evangelical about extended rear facing and of course it is safer, but when your child is unusually difficult in the car it’s a question of weighing up the risks vs. the benefits.

In the end, we decided that the minuscule risk of death by internal decapitation in a crash was massively outweighed by the reduction in screaming and severe distress. That was our call. Other families are entitled to do the opposite.

It is your child and your choice, no judgement at all, but the risks of forward facing before 4 are incomprehensible. Internal decapitation. A 5 times greater risk of death in a crash.

I know a lot of people forward face long before 4, but I think this comes from a lack of education (e.g. government says it's fine to sell these seats so it must be ok) rather than an informed position.

As awful as it is to listen to them so unhappy, the risk is too great. You wouldn't let them touch a pan of boiling water or fire no matter how much they protested.

Have you tried loop earplugs for you? And a different car seat for them which could be more supportive/comfortable.

Yes exactly this

Yes this is a good point- I don't know!
I wonder if it's a travel sickness or not being able to see where she's going thing it might help.
She's in a very expensive seat which looks very comfortable. Its reclines right back and sits upright too.
But you are right, she may not be any better forward facing, in which case I'd turn her right back.

I think it's very easy for people who have calm babies in the car to say 'just keep them RF, it's not worth the risk'. But honestly I can't even describe how hoffific the screams are and she'll keep going for HOURS. And I feel the risk of crashing is so much greater because of this. No amount of stops, feeds, clean bums etc will help, trust me we've tried everything.

People have suggested trying an ipad with a film or something but A- she isn't into watching TV yet and B- I'd really like to not rely on screens for traveling. If it becomes an last resort then sure.

We're still rear facing at almost 4. We have a Britax Romer seat that can be forward or rear facing but have no plans to switch it to forward mode at the moment. Agree with PPs that many just aren't aware of how much safer rear facing is.

You wouldn't let them touch a pan of boiling water or fire no matter how much they protested.

That’s a false equivalence though. Letting your child put their hand into a fire is a 100% chance of harm. What is the risk of having a car crash, as a percentage, every time you take a car journey? It’s not zero, but it’s small.

This is what I mean about people losing all rational thought when it comes to car seats. Risk vs. benefit.

I am OK with the knowledge that other parents made a different call to me 🤷‍♀️

@ZEWatson kindly, it sounds like you are well informed on car seat safety and you understand the risks/benefits, so really it doesn't matter when anyone else put their child FF.

You could get 600 responses on this thread saying they FF from 9 months and it was fine, but that doesn't mitigate the risks for your child.

You have to make the choice that is right for your family, and only you know how risk tolerant/averse you are, how bad the screaming is, and whether it's worth it. You don't need the validation or approval of anyone else.

DC1 we turned FF at about 18 months as she was sick about ten minutes into every journey when RF. Nothing cured it and we couldn't go anywhere, so in desperation we tried FF and the sickness stopped. DC2 however seems perfectly content RF, so will stay that way.

Yes. I am aware, very aware. I'm more interested in people's responses and opinions to be honest. I've worked in paeds A&E and I've treated children and babies who have been in car crashes, thankfully none fatal. These statistics are all relative. Car crashes aren't very common actually, fatal cad crashes obviously even less so. It's all a risk/ benefit weigh up. If I put her front facing and had a fatal crash obviously I'd never forgive myself and similarly if she were screaming herself silly rear facing and I was distracted and crashed, I'd wish I'd just put her front facing! As with all parenting it's a juggling act of weighing up all the options!

Still RF at 3.7 here. We have a Britax Maxway Plus which does them up to 6/7. Don't think he'll be in it that long as he's very tall but intend to stay RF for as long as possible.