When did you put your baby forward facing in the car?

[ZEWatson]

My baby has always hated the car, from the drive home from the hospital until now at 15 months old. It's horrendous, she screams like someone is torturing her. She doesn't nap in the car and once she's decided she's upset there's no amount of singing/ snacks/ toys/ distraction that will stop her. All our family are over 3 hours away and we do a lot of groups/ activities so have no choice but to drive.

She's a good weight and height and her car seat says she can go from 15m. I know it's TECHNICALLY safer to stay rear for as long as possible, but surely if she's so upset and I'm constantly distracted/ trying to settle her whilst driving then it isn't actually safer because I feel I'm so much more likely to crash when she's irate. Anyone else have this dilemma?

For reference she is a typical 'allergy baby'. She's fussy, she's got reflux, she generally is a miserable sod 😆

Older dc rear faced till 5 youngest is 3 and now ff as really heavy for her age and has other difficulties which meant ff was a better option for her. I know it’s not recommend till 4 but she is so big and couldn’t tolerate rf anymore

We have taken a pragmatic approach. In my car with a spin360 seat my daughter always rear faces. My partners car seat isn't a 360 and it doesn't work for us rear facing so she forward faces in this car seat. This seat is used 1 or 2 times in 2 weeks and a 10 minute journey. If we were using the seat more regularly we would have replaced it with a seat that worked for us in that car rear facing. It's not ideal and I would prefer she was rear facing 100% of the time but am accepting 95% of the time. she is 3.5 and has been forward facing in my partners car since 2 and a bit. She is happy switching between forward and rear facing, if she hadn't been again we would have found a replacement car seat.

We turned both of ours at 2.

Eldest was like yours for at least the first year, thankfully she improved but it truly was torture. We used to visit family 2.5 hours away and she'd scream for literally the first hour, pass out and sleep for an hour and then cry the last half hour home. It was awful and I agree, not safe.

These threads are always full of claims of ERF being X times safer but as you clearly understand, a huge increase in a tiny risk is still a tiny risk. DH and I briefly looked for research with real stats when ours were younger and we didn't find much (although I didn't look that hard tbh!).

As ever, @BertieBotts speaks sense.

Interestingly I also put this poll on my Instagram, knowing I'd get am honest and balanced response. Generally people I know are well educated people and most people said they switched between 15-24m. A few kept rf until 3/4. Another factor for asking mumsnet is you're much more likely to just get responses for people who have strong opinions and of course child safety is important to have strong opinions on. If she was tolerant, It wouldn't be a question. I honestly believe she isn't much/ any safer rear facing, because I feel the liklihood of crashing is far greater (nothing to do with the much greater risk of internal injury, im talking overall risk of crashing). I'm a very sensible, level headed, well educated person...I work in child health for goodness sake and I wouldn't take the decisions lightly.
And as said previously she is still rear facing. I'm just pondering all the options.

About 9 months

Yes, you worded it better than I could. An increased risk of a tiny risk is still tiny, but the increase of risk because of my distraction is much higher and therefore rear facing much more likely to crash than forward facing IF she's happier forward facing (but I'm not holding my breath because she screams in the pram whether forward or rear facing). I think she just doesn't like being restricted. She's a free spirit and fairplay to her she knows her mind, difficult when she's young but hopefully good in the long run.

Can she see out of the back window? If not can you remove the head rest on the cars seat so she can?

My allergy baby liked to be as upright as possible due to reflux and his seat allowed that. I'm not familiar with your seat so don't know how upright it goes.

To answer your original question both of my children RF until 4.

All of this 'I don't know anyone in RL who ERF'

I ERF until 5.5 years and my friends didn't really know. Unless they specifically bought up the topic or car seats or I parked close enough that they saw the inside of my car, they wouldn't know. Thinking back, I had blacked out windows so even from the outside they couldn't see. I never really gave people lifts so they didn't come in my car.

Don't use 'no one I know ERF' as a justification unless you've actively taken measures to check 🤷

OP I'm clearly very pro ERF but in your case I would trial a FF car seat to see if it helps. There is a balance to be struck.

If you current seat can forward face why not try and see if forward facing helps. Both of mine rear faced until 5 but they didn't scream the entire time. You might find that it helps or it might not and they might do better in an extended rear face seat like the axkid which isn't so wrapped around them.

My kids are long. My 3 year old is in age 5/6 clothes. He went ff at 18 months.

7 month old is on the 98th centile and almost as big as an average 1 year old. The car seat is supposed to last until 4 years but I don’t see it! I expect she will ff at 18 months too.

Axkid Minikid 4 or Besafe Stretch both have very tall backs. Officially up to 125cm height or 36kg weight, but carseat.se claim they can be used beyond the 125cm limit - I know the official line by UK retailers is only up to 125cm, though.

There is also Klippan Opti 129 which is 32kg/125cm but they have a crash test video on their site showing that they have tested it with the 138cm/32kg dummy (representing a 10 year old child). It is currently not possible under the R129 standard to certify a rear facing car seat with limit higher than 125cm.

Please can you explain the extended rear facing thing?
Apparently her current seat will last til 4yo. She's 50th centile weight and height so hopefully will last.

Sorry I'm useless at abbreviations on here...what is ERF please?

DS is almost 3. We are friends with around 15 children / families of the same age. None of them are forward facing. Everyone still rear faces.

@ZEWatson

ERF= extended rear facing

ERF is extended rear facing. These seats are typically up to 25kg and 125cm. The ones marketed until 4 are typically 18kg and 105cm.

Gotcha. Thanks

That's amazing that it works for them. I so wish she would tolerate it and I so hope we can hold out another few months at least. I will without doubt keep her RF for long journeys involving national speed limit roads. Around where we live is all 20mph and we're lucky if we even get over 15mph tbh. We live in the city.

15 months. Because I hate my child.

He is happier forward facing, and his speech really came on because we talk about what we can see. He also learnt his left and right by 2.5yo because we talk about it at every junction. I don’t know what is usual but I remember learning you can make an L with your left hand when I was about 7.

But yes OP, do what works for you and your family. Some car seats are “safer” but none are “unsafe” unless you’re deciding to have no car seat at all.

ETA RF v FF at almost 3 is 50-50 where I live.

My oldest rear faced until 5yrs8mths and my 4yr old and 2yr old are still rear facing in erf seats. My oldest could still be rear facing as she's very small, she will be almost 9 by the time she maxes out the height and weight of her 25kg seat, however she started getting car sick when in her seat.

My youngest absolutely hated her infant carrier and only tolerated her Joie tilt seat. She has been so much happier in her erf seat as it has a very upright position with barely a recline. It could be that your daughter wants to be more upright? May be worth trying out different seats, however I really appreciate that this is difficult when you don't live near a specialist car seat shop (we aren't near any either)

My almost 6 year old who is 95th centile for height comfortably rear faces in an Axkid mini, so all these posters saying their tall toddlers couldn’t fit are talking rubbish.

I will move him forward facing when he’s 6.5 as at that point DC2 will have grown out of her rear facing seat, so she can move into his Axkid.

Yeah we have her on the most upright position, we put her reclined when we do the long drives (which is always at night or nap time).

We went to visit a friend in Ireland and borrowed their car seat which she was (somehow) even worse in. I've never seen her scream like it. Whether it was a comfort thing or just because its not what she's used to idk

There are a few isofix ones that spin round. We had the Joie 360. Has added benefit of being able to have them facing the door for less awkward getting the straps right them turning them forward or rear facing and clicking into place.

Ours were RF till about 3.

Ours is one of these but Nuna version. Fits newborn to 4years ish and goes forward or rear facing

I suppose it depends on the size of the seat and distance from the seat. Once my daughters legs are longer she won't be able to fit rear facing. She definitely got a year or so until we face that issue though