When did you put your baby forward facing in the car?

[ZEWatson]

My baby has always hated the car, from the drive home from the hospital until now at 15 months old. It's horrendous, she screams like someone is torturing her. She doesn't nap in the car and once she's decided she's upset there's no amount of singing/ snacks/ toys/ distraction that will stop her. All our family are over 3 hours away and we do a lot of groups/ activities so have no choice but to drive.

She's a good weight and height and her car seat says she can go from 15m. I know it's TECHNICALLY safer to stay rear for as long as possible, but surely if she's so upset and I'm constantly distracted/ trying to settle her whilst driving then it isn't actually safer because I feel I'm so much more likely to crash when she's irate. Anyone else have this dilemma?

For reference she is a typical 'allergy baby'. She's fussy, she's got reflux, she generally is a miserable sod 😆

Yes his legs were crossed but still looked squashed and uncomfortable so I didn’t want him sitting like that.

What if forward facing doesn't stop the screaming?
There are other things that should be tried first - mirrors, safely mounted tablets, the front seat, a more inclined seat, a proper fit check to rule out discomfort from a poor fit, even vision or hearing issues that could contribute to motion sickness should be ruled out.

Sorry if this was confusing, I meant crossed legs pressed against a seat due to them being too tall to dangle down.
I do know all this information, honestly. I'll take a read of the link. I feel like I've exhausted all possibilities of managing her (other than a previous posters suggestion of passenger seat).
Thanks for your message. I really don't meant to sway anyone either way. I'm just gathering information. She is 100% rear facing atm.

Surely that also looks like a quite a big car though?

Thanks. Yeah as I've stated above we've tried all these things (other than hearing/ vision checks) but as she's the same in the pram I think it's just due to fussy behaviour. And I also stated above (I appreciate its about 60 messages above) i don't know at all that she'll be happier, I actually expect it might not make a difference because in the pram she cries whether its forward or backwards facing! In that case she'll stay rear facing until too big or whatever other reason causes us to spin her

I have the same seat in a ford focus and you still get a good amount of leg room in it.

According to Brake, 20 children aged under 16 died in 2022 as occupants in car accidents. Think how many miles were travelled by all children last year.

You're dealing with a very low absolute risk already. Of course you can choose to reduce it, that's fine. But the extra reduction in absolute risk will be very small, and it's ridiculous to try and shame or berate people for not doing that reduction.

So with these extended rear seats it's the actual isofix attachments (don't know their technical name) that extend out to allow leg room?
I'm not sure this would work in our car (nissan note) as my husband already can't have his seat back fully if the seat is reclined. I suppose it could go behind the passenger side.

This is my personal opinion, but I am a statistician.

Anyone who gives a child a tablet while they're still rear facing in a car seat has a poor understanding (one way or another) of different types of dangers and risks and how to compare them.

So unbelievably sad for those children and families and we're not to know without research whether they were rear facing, front facing, had seatbelts on, puffer coats blah blah. But yes a small risk already and an even smaller risk by being rear facing. Risk/ benefit weigh up.

How? A toddler isn't going to die from a few minutes of cbeebies are they?

That rather proves my point. There are risks other than death to consider in this life.

My 2 and a half year old is in an Axkid ERF car seat in my fiat 500. He looks set to fit it til close to 4 years old and I'm weighing up turning forward facing earlier than I'd planned or buying a new car. But he'll be fine til 3 and a half at least based on his current height and growth.

You should have a look online about how children sit in ERF seats as I think you're maybe a bit hung up on where their legs go.

Maybe I am 🤣🤣 In all honesty I can't picture how much room there is between the bottom of the carseat and the seatback without going to the car to look.

Absurd that you think it's an equivalent risk

Nearly 4 year old still rear facing and will do until HBB ready.

If you don’t have room in a car for them to rear face you won’t have room to forward face. They need to have a 55cm gap to the seat in front.

Car seat education in this country needs improving massively. It always amazes me how many people I see putting kids in cars with coats on, no seats or sitting on a parents lap.

Apologies OP, I haven't RTFT, but could you get to somewhere like the In-Car Safety Centre to talk to them about it and try a couple of different seats in your car?

Mine both ERFd in BeSafe/Britax seats til ca. 5yrs but there are so many factors involved. We all measure risk differently, for better or worse. Hope you can sort something out for your daughter that keeps her safe and doesn't make every journey such a horror 😳

DS3 would cry terribly in the car. This was in the early days of extended rear facing. It unfortunately made no difference when he was forward facing (approximately 12months). Even if someone was sat comforting him. It made for some difficult journeys. He luckily just grew out of it in his own time.

2 very much not calm babies here. I had to turn up the radio and sing loudly on car journeys with my eldest! Eldest rear faced til 4.5, youngest is 4.5 and still rear facing in an axkid seat.

You don't need isofix to rear face and there are rear facing seats that fit in small cars. A Facebook groups that might help are Rear facing seats for toddlers they have photos of the seats in small cars.

I notice you said about moving the seat to behind the passenger side - have you tried that with the current seat? Mine is on the passenger side and they can see me better in the mirror

We turned DS around at about 2 when I was pregnant and could no longer lift him high enough to get over the seat belt (isofix for our seat is only for FF).

DD is almost 2 and still RF. She's a tiny little thing though and seems happy enough. I'll turn her round when she wants to. I agree that if they're screaming it makes it more dangerous.

Try FF and see what happens. You can always go back if it makes no difference.

@ZEWatson

How much room? Not a lot. But no child is going to be sitting in an ERF with their legs stretch out in front of them. Adults look at ERFs and imagine how uncomfortable it would be for them. It's not the same for kids.

They sit with their knees up or cross their legs. The majority of children don't mind at all but if your child does then research a wee bit more and decide when you feel happy moving to forward facing. 15 months is really little.

She actually was on the passenger side until about 10m old because there was a problem with the isofix on the driver side (that's another story but all sorted now)

She's no different if someone is sat in the back. My mother has 4 children and 7 grandchildren and she says she's never seen a baby with such a loud, piercing cry. I've got loads of friends who have kids who say they've never met a child like her...when I say she's fussy...I mean she's completely and utterly bonkers, she gets herself SO hysterical over the most tiny inconvenience (such as going in the car or pram) 🤦🏼‍♀️🙈

Once you try FF, chances are baby is always going to want to forward face, so then will be even more unhappy RF. In my experience, there is 0 point trying to educate about car seat safety, because there is so much survivors bias. Most FF seats only endure UK standard testing at 30mph, that is a combined crash speed too so both cars travelling at only 15mph. A PP suggested the Cybex Anoris T, this is one of the safest forward facing seats, however personally I wouldn’t put a child under 3 in it unless there were serious medical reasons why they couldn’t RF in a Swedish Plus tested seat.

My 22 month old is generally very good and happy in the car but we've had occasions where he's been crying or screaming and nearly making himself sick and I can't concentrate on driving at all. That must be so hard to experience that all the time.

I think it's unlikely to be related to the direction of travel though, especially if she's also like it in the pram. I would try other options first like an ERF seat (axkid are a very good brand) or putting her in the front passenger seat rear facing with the airbag off. I know you said you don't want to rely on iPads or such like for travelling which is understandable, but that would be preferable to forward facing. There's also loads of advice for travel sickness that could be tried first.

There's a bit of downplaying of the extra risks of forward facing in the comments, it's not just slightly riskier. In the event of a crash, it is much more dangerous especially when they're so young. But I also completely get the increased risk of a crash when you're so distracted.

I know you've mentioned you'll keep her rear facing for motorway driving, but bear in mind if you turn her forward facing and she does prefer it, you may well find it even more difficult than it currently is to have her rear facing for some journeys, and being distracted on a motorway is extremely dangerous to everyone.