Received anon complaint letter about my baby crying

[esgill]

My baby is four months old and I can only presume she had colic or reflux, which seems to slowly be getting better, as she cried a lot in the last few months in the evening. However, she sleeps through the night (now 7/8/9 pl through to 7/8 am) and every week we’re noticing she crying a bit less/seeming happier.

we live in a tenement flat and today received an anon letter complaining that our baby’s crying was affecting their “health and work” and saying they were being woken up “several times during the night” and that the sound carries through the stairwell. They acknowledged it’s not our fault but asked if we could soundproof the flat.

i am mortified. We barely survived the newborn stage. Loved it but also had crazy witching hour. But thankfully sleep deprivation was never an issue as we cosleep and our daughter has slept well at night since week 4/5.

I feel all this letter has achieved is making me feel more self conscious about the crying - not able to do anything more than I am doing. I always tend to her needs immediately and never leave her crying.

what would you do? Pin the letter to the door with a response? Or ignore and wait for them to come have a talk with us rather than send an anon complaint?

Ignore it. Babies cry.

Just ignore. Fuckers.

Surely everyone knows you don't complain about a baby crying? It's not like the parents aren't trying to stop it, it's just that babies cry.... sometimes they cannot be soothed.

Ignore.

Definitely ignore it. Babies cry; this is not news. It's on them to soundproof their flat or use earplugs if they can't tolerate normal human noise.

Yes, ignore it. Chuck it in the bin. All babies cry - and colicky babies cry a lot. After 3/4 months that should be reducing, so you probably won’t receive another complaint like this - but if you do, recycle that one as well.

I think they don’t understand how soundproofing works either. It costs money, involves tearing walls apart and cannot be easily done in a rented flat. Wondering why they aren’t considering that option for themselves or ear plugs? Their decision to live in a flat rather than a detached house. I have been crying all evening.

I'm not surprised you're upset, I would have found it really bruising to get a shitty note when I had a tiny baby as well. They are completely in the wrong, though.

I’m not really aligned with the other responses, a crying baby is very hard, as a parent, you know this, it tests the best of us, and it’s even worse when it’s not your baby .

so as much as you can’t sound proof, and of course an anon letter is not pleasant, I think it’s ok to accept a neighbour is struggling due to it.

Definitely ignore

Sign hung in the communal hall or on your door -

'Anonymous letters will be treated with the contempt they deserve!'

That's truly awful. I can't believe anyone would think writing a letter like that would achieve anything other than worry and upset of people already working as hard as they can to look after a young baby. I think you are perfectly within your rights to ignore it, or if it would make you feel better to respond do that, but these people do not deserve a response!

I feel all this letter has achieved is making me feel more self conscious about the crying - not able to do anything more than I am doing.

You could sound proof your flat as they have suggested.

Your choice to have a baby shouldn't affect your neighbours.

@jf20 I understand it’s not pleasant to listen to but they are further away from it and obviously nothing can be done about it so how constructive is such a letter? It’s obvious all it will do is make us feel bad as parents. A friend from another country said she is shocked and that she feels complaining about a baby crying is such a western thing. She said in her country neighbours would offer to help or bring food to the new parents as clearly they are struggling and complaining achieves nothing!

I didn’t say it was constructive or a good idea. I suggested you have some empathy for others who may also be struggling with it.

ridiculous

@gobolina they chose to live in a flat in a family area. They should soundproof their home or move to a detached house if they don’t like noise. We have put up with other sounds including loud sex, music, dogs barking.

Good lord.

No it doesn't work that, each person is responsible to minimise noise towards others

This 'yeah but they do' idea makes you sound about 12

Just ignore it. Baby crying is natural. Don't let that stupid note ruin your mood.

Thank you @Babyenroute @CharlotteMakepeace @blackpanth @sprigatito @DustyLee123 @Maray1967 @SallySunrise you’re right ignoring is probably best. I think the cowardly anonymity is what gets me the most. We put up with a lot of noise but only once knocked on a neighbour’s door. The students upstairs kept having loud parties past 10 pm which is genuinely considered noise pollution. They were understanding fortunately and turned down the music but this person probably realises it’s not reasonable so didn’t sign their name or flat number….

Not really, people live where they can afford to. Detached houses are way more expensive than flats.
I (thankfully) live in a detached house but noise can still annoy/affect me. I’m a shift worker and need sleep, can’t use earplugs for fear of missing my alarm. I have to drive to and from work and that’s dangerous on little/no sleep.

I accept it’s not nice to receive such a letter and I wouldn’t send one or complain myself. There’s no solution really, it annoys your neighbour and them complaining upsets you.

I’m wondering how they can be woken up several times a night if your baby has been sleeping through for a while now.
I mean a 4 months old sleeping through like this is amazing. Dc2 didn’t until he was 2yo!!

I sympathise with both sides, it’s not possible to keep a new baby quiet but equally being woken or kept awake by someone else’s baby isn’t much fun. In terms of soundproofing, do you have wooden floors you could add rugs to? Or potentially move your DC towards an external wall in terms of their cot? It’s not easy.

I think maybe you got a little over excited with a couple of posts supporting you, and got a little silly with it. I’m fairly sure if they could afford a detached house they’d buy one.

People who cannot tolerate the noises of babies and small children should not live in tenements. Of course op is not going to soundproof a rented flat!