Received anon complaint letter about my baby crying

[esgill]

My baby is four months old and I can only presume she had colic or reflux, which seems to slowly be getting better, as she cried a lot in the last few months in the evening. However, she sleeps through the night (now 7/8/9 pl through to 7/8 am) and every week we’re noticing she crying a bit less/seeming happier.

we live in a tenement flat and today received an anon letter complaining that our baby’s crying was affecting their “health and work” and saying they were being woken up “several times during the night” and that the sound carries through the stairwell. They acknowledged it’s not our fault but asked if we could soundproof the flat.

i am mortified. We barely survived the newborn stage. Loved it but also had crazy witching hour. But thankfully sleep deprivation was never an issue as we cosleep and our daughter has slept well at night since week 4/5.

I feel all this letter has achieved is making me feel more self conscious about the crying - not able to do anything more than I am doing. I always tend to her needs immediately and never leave her crying.

what would you do? Pin the letter to the door with a response? Or ignore and wait for them to come have a talk with us rather than send an anon complaint?

Maybe. But possibly not. I moved from a detached house (suburbs 15 min drive away) to a large tenement in the city . It's 100% a lifestyle choice for me and same for my neighbours. Having said that, none of my family understood why we moved 😅

@gobolina they chose to live in a flat in a family area. They should soundproof their home or move to a detached house if they don’t like noise. We have put up with other sounds including loud sex, music, dogs barking.

No, now you're just sounding entitled. If they could afford to buy a detached home they probably would be living in one rather than a flat - and it shouldn't be someone's own responsibility to soundproof their own home as a result of noisy neighbours. They have the right to expect a reasonable level of peace and quiet, and to have a decent night's sleep.

However, I'd have been upset as well about a note if I had a baby. My son cried constantly when he was tint. I think it's harsh to send the note and it's not like you can do much about it (I presume you try comfort him, have tried a dummy, a sling, etc etc).

Stick a notice on your door - the original anonymous letter plus another one asking the author to (1) own up, and (2) fuck off.

Yes to this.

Both of mine slept through the night at 9 weeks old.

Screamed blue fucking murder all bloody arse fucking day (can you tell I am still traumatised by it a decade on?!). But slept 10 hours a night.

This is completely reasonable, and you are right.

Don't like human noises, don't live near humans. It's very simple.

The problem is your spineless and pathetic neighbour, not you.

@surreygirl1987 no I am not. They asked us to soundproof the flat and it would be better if they did so if normal human sound bothers them. They chose to live in an expensive tenement flat rather than a cheaper detached house or modern flat a little further out. I am not asking them to do anything (don’t even know for certain who sent it) but we are allowed to have a baby.

Ignore them OP.
If they know you and your flat well enough to leave an anonymous letter, they could have easily had a neighbourly conversation with you if there was something specific.
Except they won't do that because they're being unreasonable and cowardly and would rather be passive aggressive to a mother with a baby to make the mother feel rubbish and on edge and leave her wondering which of her neighbours are the ones who'd do this.

Buy some cheap earplugs and pop a set through each door! They can soundproof themselves!

Ignore it. They’ve said themselves it is not your fault.

I think your tears are an overreaction. Obviously it would be better if they knocked and spoke to you but for all you know they have anxiety or some other reason.

I feel for them as well, if noise has impacted their health and work. I get that you feel vulnerable as a new mother with a reflux baby, but they could have things in their lives that make them vulnerable as well.

The note didn't tell you to step your baby crying, they aren't that unreasonable. They've asked you to try and better soundproof your flat. I think that's fair enough since it's your family keeping people awake.

Yes they chose to live in a tenement- but so did you. I think that brings with it some responsibility to consider your neighbours.

Do you have carpet and rugs? Have you blocked off gaps under doors? Is the baby's bed over someone else's bedroom?

You say you can't afford to sound proof while also flippantly saying your neighbour should move to a free standing house if they don't like it. I'm sure they would have done so if they could!

@Blahblahblahblahblahurgh @LolaSmiles @Newyearnewusername2024 @MissingMoominMamma @mathanxiety thank you all for the support. It really stressed me out to receive it — the only thing a letter like this was going to achieve — but I guess it’s anonymous so I should try and not think about it and just keep on trying to best raise my child (who has been sleeping peacefully beside me for the past three hours…)

Please just bin the letter and don't let it get to you. Babies cry and there's not much anyone can do about it! Our neighbours 2nd baby had colic and screamed every evening for weeks on end. All I felt was great sympathy for them going through it, I can't imagine adding to their stress by complaining! You're doing great OP and this won't last forever 💐

Leave a note in the block.
Whoever left me the anonymous note.
I am doing my best, babies cry and I don't need you guilt tripping me about having a baby.
If you don't like it move

*I think your tears are an overreaction. Obviously it would be better if they knocked and spoke to you but for all you know they have anxiety or some other reason.

I feel for them as well, if noise has impacted their health and work. I get that you feel vulnerable as a new mother with a reflux baby, but they could have things in their lives that make them vulnerable as well*

exactly.

It really stressed me out to receive it — the only thing a letter like this was going to achieve — but I guess it’s anonymous so I should try and not think about it and just keep on trying to best raise my child (who has been sleeping peacefully beside me for the past three hours…)
Try to put it out your mind.
The only reason to send a silly anonymous note rather than have a conversation or say who it's from is because they don't want to have a reasonable conversation.

Babies can be difficult and if you're living in flats or houses with thin walls the sound can carry, so I understand if they're finding it annoying at times. There's no need for anonymous notes though.

Oh I really feel for you as I’ve experienced neighbours like these. Honestly they are ignorant twits and they should feel ashamed. Babies cry. If they don’t like it then that’s on them to take steps such as earplugs/soundproofing. Or they’ll have to suck it up or move. Tell them to go and live in a field. They were babies once! I bet if they’ve complained to family or friends they’ll be getting laughed at. Some people are unbelievable! Hold your head high and don’t let them get you down! Being a new parent is hard enough without having shitheads like that getting you down.

Oh OP I’d have to be passive aggressive back 😀

I would put a note back through all neighbouring doors along the lines of…

We at no xx have received a letter of complaint about our newborn baby. Unfortunately whoever popped it through our letterbox did so under the shadow of darkness and without signing it so we have no idea who it was so we have posted this reply to all our neighbours.

I’m sorry you are finding our newborn baby such a nuisance and a disruption to your life. I can assure you we have found the last few months unbelievably hard and it would’ve been nice if you’d bothered to speak to us so we could’ve explained through our sleep deprived haze that our newborn has struggled with colic/reflux but we haven’t been given the opportunity.

We’re both really saddened that one of our neighbours has chosen to anonymously send us the letter.

signed xx

OP - it will become apparent who it was!

Take no notice of them, newborns are hard work x

Ignore it. Babies cry. It's what they do. It's how they communicate.
Cowardly neighbours were once crying shit machines themselves once...

Ignore it but stick it in a drawer and don’t dump it, just in case your correspondent becomes a nuisance. If they seriously thought they had a legitimate complaint they’d have done it the right way and knocked your door.

😂

Agreed

Honestly OP you strike me as one of those people who demand empathy and understanding from others without extending it in return.

Your neighbour could be having a genuinely difficult time and you don't seem to give a damn.

Yes your baby is crying less at night, but your baby will become a toddler with a noisy walker, or a child running about the hallway, or a teen gaming all night etc. The lack of soundproofing is the issue, as they said in their letter.

They didn't attack you as a parent. They didn't tell you to keep the baby quiet. They just asked you to have some empathy for them and improve your soundproofing.

For all you know they've done everything they can on their end in terms of blocking the noise out.

Also, it's great your baby is sleeping through- but before you get too smug about it, remember a sleeping baby doesn't make you a good mother anymore than a crying refluxed baby made you bad one. Babies do what they do.

Genuinely felt worse and worse for your neighbour the more you posted because you sound incredibly self focused and devoid of empathy for a neighbour whose health has been impacted.

People can also "choose" not to live in flats, can't they?

@SunRainStorm has written exactly what I thought too when I went through the thread. I was just too lazy to write a proper comment because of how tired I am!