Received anon complaint letter about my baby crying

[esgill]

My baby is four months old and I can only presume she had colic or reflux, which seems to slowly be getting better, as she cried a lot in the last few months in the evening. However, she sleeps through the night (now 7/8/9 pl through to 7/8 am) and every week we’re noticing she crying a bit less/seeming happier.

we live in a tenement flat and today received an anon letter complaining that our baby’s crying was affecting their “health and work” and saying they were being woken up “several times during the night” and that the sound carries through the stairwell. They acknowledged it’s not our fault but asked if we could soundproof the flat.

i am mortified. We barely survived the newborn stage. Loved it but also had crazy witching hour. But thankfully sleep deprivation was never an issue as we cosleep and our daughter has slept well at night since week 4/5.

I feel all this letter has achieved is making me feel more self conscious about the crying - not able to do anything more than I am doing. I always tend to her needs immediately and never leave her crying.

what would you do? Pin the letter to the door with a response? Or ignore and wait for them to come have a talk with us rather than send an anon complaint?

This is absolutely awful. I also live in a tenement. When we first moved in our upstairs neighbour complained about our then 5 year old running about (yes upstairs neighbour not downstairs!). Anyway turned out he had serious mental health problems. I think there is something not entirely normal with your neighbour. I've never understood why people who are sensitive to noise live in tenements. They are not even like modern flats, they are usually incredibly noisy due to crap soundproofing (not your fault).

I think your idea about pinning the note to the door with a reply is a good one. And btw we went on to have a second child therefore a newborn baby and I was so worried the whole time about the baby crying and now I look back (three years later) and feel so bloody angry. The neighbour has since moved and we have lovely ones now.

Why should she. They can sound proof their flat or get ear plugs

@LutonBeds i get that it sucks but it’s not like we’re having parties. It’s a small human who can’t be reasoned with but one day we’ll be able to reason with her. I grew up in detached houses in the country as they were cheaper than living in the city. I do think if people can’t accept normal city sounds they probably shouldn’t live in close proximity to others. Everyone else in the building has been super kind and understanding — and supportive.

Acknowledge they were probably just venting.. But dc's crying is chalk on a board to some people..

But so could the NDN soundproof their own flat.

Yes the OP baby is crying but it’s also sleeping through the night at 4 months old!

Just a heads-up that MN has a few deliberately contrarian posters who love to stick the boot in when an OP is feeling vulnerable. You have to weed those out and not let them upset you. You could say the sky was blue and there'd be a few people posting "Gosh, how embarrassing that you still think blue is a thing".

Ignore and wait for them to approach, given they sent an anonymous letter I very much doubt they will approach you.
There is nothing you can realistically do to change things. A baby crying is part of living next to people. Don’t let them make you anxious about your baby’s crying.

I thought it was anonymous?

@littleteapot86 thank you, yeah tenement flats are noisy at the best of times. We hear our downstairs neighbour’s snoring through the floor and it’s bothered me for the years we’ve lived here but I never said anything. Suspect she’s the one who complained so maybe I should suggest she gets an anti snore pillow lol.

@sprigatito I’ve noticed this — god imagine if your only hobby is sitting on a forum being contrarian haha!

And for the people saying the neighbour couldn't afford a detached house... That may not be true. I live in a tenement but it's a pretty middle class fancy one (haha I know I sound like a total knob now but just illustrating a point) and if you travelled about 10/15 mins out of my city you could easily get a nice wee detached house for the same price. More modern flats are often better soundproofed too so that would also have been an option . Basically the neighbour has chosen the worst type of property to live in if they are sensitive to noise...

Seems odd that they are being woken several times a night if baby sleeps through.

I lived above a young family before having my own kids. The baby would cry for hours and hours during the night. I don't know for sure if they were trying to settle her, but I couldn't hear any adults moving around or talking, or anything else. It was absolutely awful and went on for over a year. I have sympathy with your neighbour as it is tough to deal with, but it sounds as though you are at least doing all you can.

@coverp she didn’t sleep through for the first month but that was a while ago now… and she slept soon after I offered her milk.

@littleteapot86 yep our tenement flat isn’t cheap and there are better sound proofed flats/houses that are less expensive further out of town. This sort of property is a lifestyle choice…

I'd have to pop downstairs and thank them for the letter and apologise for any inconvenience that the normal crying of a small baby is causing and add that despite wishing you too could get a little more sleep, it hasn't been too bad as you haven't really slept properly for x amount of time due to their constant snoring all night long. Suggest they soundproof their flat.

Write a letter saying something like, 'sorry if you have been disturbed but unfortunately babies do cry a bit. Soundproofing isn't possible as we rent but hopefully these will help...'. Attach a few packs of ear plugs to the wall with the letter.

Putting the complaint aside for a second - How did you not know if your baby had reflux??? It causes them to vomit a LOT. How can you not know the difference between Reflux and colic? Reflux can be quite serious and is extremely painful for babies, as is colic. With Reflux, they need to be kept upright for 40 mins after every feed and for their bed/moses basket to be lifted ever so slightly at the head-end so that they're not completely flat. This can often be the case until they're toddlers. However leaving her to cry is bloody cruel. If that's what you were doing then I can understand the neighbour's stress BUT if you weren't (some babies do just whinge a lot!) then they're being massively unfair. Only you know which it is.

@Serendipity888 ha such a good idea. Wish we knew for certain it was them. Pretty sure it is as others in the building have had children, or have been kind to us eg someone brought us around cinnamon buns, another congratulated us and when we apologised for any noise, said to not worry and hoped we have been getting some sleep.

@DogLover24 quite easily? Have you never heard of silent reflux? She had symptoms of both (back arching, going red faced and crying, not liking being on her back after feeds during the day, gassy) and we did everything we possibly could for both, with advice from the GP and health visitor. In the end the main advice is “they grow out of it” but we burped her, had her upright, tried infacol and baby gaviscon etc.

Ignore and if they can carry on say, they shouldn't live in a flat if they can't cope with noise or people around them but babys cry!

My neighbour in our flat knocked on twice in the DAY TIME that my daughter who was 3 was playing too loud and she was trying to sleep. It's was 1pm in the afternoon the first time she knocked and around 3pm the second time. She lived on the bottom flat with a pathway right outside her window with people/kids walking/running through every day. She was absolutely insane!

And it's their choice to live in an apartment with other people around them and probably know full well the walls are likely paper thin and would be able to hear more than if the decided to live in a house!

Don't worry about it, you are doing excellently!

The cheeky fuckers should be thanking their lucky stars the baby doesn't cry all night. And even if the baby did or does then, tough shit. It's the downside to living in a flat. Ear plugs are excellent for this exact reason.

Also, being so spineless to write an ANONYMOUS letter (because they know deep down they are being unreasonable) doesn't deserve your tears.

And to the woman who states she is not "aligned" with the other responses- get a grip ffs!

You are doing beautifully mama, don't let this passive aggressive BS knock the shine off these special months.

Good luck.

If you have a thin front door or a gap under it, or bare floor boards, the sound can carry more, so soft furnishings, a draft excluder, rugs etc can help. But other than that, there is little that you can do.

@esgill Not cool for them to send that note to you, but let’s be realistic. If they are living in a flat rather than a detached house, it’s likely for financial reasons rather than a lifestyle choice 😅

@DogLover24 obviously you can't read, she didn't leave her baby to cry and as she said their is such a thing as silent reflux.. no vomiting required. Go educate yourself before jumping on her.

Ignore and do not give head space or tears to it.

Spineless morons who know they are unreasonable hence anonymous