Received anon complaint letter about my baby crying

[esgill]

My baby is four months old and I can only presume she had colic or reflux, which seems to slowly be getting better, as she cried a lot in the last few months in the evening. However, she sleeps through the night (now 7/8/9 pl through to 7/8 am) and every week we’re noticing she crying a bit less/seeming happier.

we live in a tenement flat and today received an anon letter complaining that our baby’s crying was affecting their “health and work” and saying they were being woken up “several times during the night” and that the sound carries through the stairwell. They acknowledged it’s not our fault but asked if we could soundproof the flat.

i am mortified. We barely survived the newborn stage. Loved it but also had crazy witching hour. But thankfully sleep deprivation was never an issue as we cosleep and our daughter has slept well at night since week 4/5.

I feel all this letter has achieved is making me feel more self conscious about the crying - not able to do anything more than I am doing. I always tend to her needs immediately and never leave her crying.

what would you do? Pin the letter to the door with a response? Or ignore and wait for them to come have a talk with us rather than send an anon complaint?

What's stopping the cowardly neighbour from soundproofing their own flat, or moving to a detached house? As the OP has already said living in the tenements is a lifestyle choice as detached houses can be bought for the same price.

@CeeCeeBloom

For all we know the neighbours have done their best to sound proof their flat. But if the noise is coming from their ceiling for example, then they can hardly lay a rug on their roof to block it. But it would be cheap and easy enough for OP to do.

Also, please tell me in what magical land does a detached house cost the same as a flat?

I'm guessing the OP would rather her neighbours move further out- without any regard for whether that would work for someone who relies on services nearby, works in the area, has their support networks in the area, can't drive and relies on PT, has mobility issues, can afford to move etc etc etc.

Yes Living in flats requires some acceptance of noise- but it also requires some consideration of your neighbours and tempering your impact on them. It goes both ways. OP has this ugly attitude of 'if you don't like it - move!' Instead of just making reasonable adjustments to minimise her family's contribution to the noise.

@SunRainStorm only a complete and utter wanker complains about a baby crying. Why on earth should OP soundproof her flat because she had a baby? It's nuts!

Sadly majority of people don’t choose to live in flats - most of us simply cannot afford a house sadly- but its part and parcel of communal flat living - babies crying, dogs barking - its not easy especially if you work WFH - however noise cancelling earpods prove to be useful at times!

@CeeCeeBloom she should soundproof her flat because her day-to-day noise is carrying down the stairwell and disturbing her neighbours.

The fact that it's a baby isn't really relevant. Even the letter acknowledges that it isn't her fault and can't be helped. It didn't say 'shut your baby up' it alerted her to the fact that the noise travels and asked her to do some soundproofing.

Obviously it would have been better to knock and have a chat, but for all we know the neighbour have anxiety, ASD etc.

OP and her baby aren't the only people with needs and challenges in their life.

Crying babies is an inescapable reality for and parent or those living in close proximity. You can try to mitigate it, perhaps by settling in another room, or by laying down sound absorbent flooring, but it is essential a temporary problem.

I’d leave a bunch of earplugs outside the entrance for frazzled neighbors to take!

Tear up the note and throw it in the bin. Ignore it. Don't give it another thought.

All babies cry. They are little humans and have as much right to 'the enjoyment of their homes' as your nasty, small-minded letter writer.

@SunRainStorm and if she can't afford/doesn't have the time/simply doesn't want to? The cowardly anonymous neighbour is just going to have to suck it up, aren't they? Are you the neighbour?

OP and her baby aren't the only people with needs and challenges in their life.

You sound bitter.

I used to live in a terraced house when my DC were babies. My DD hardly ever cried but DS1 cried and was sick a lot too. He had projectile vomiting. I used to clean him up, wrap him up, put him in his car seat and drive him around until he fell asleep. Crying babies sound awful and if your neighbour is trying to concentrate on work it would be almost impossible. I'd put crying baby in my car and drive them around until they slept.

I ca sympathise with both sides. I understand why you're upset, but can also imagine having a very grumpy baby crying at all times of the day and night would be difficult for others too.

@CeeCeeBloom

I'm sorry, but you're the one getting heated and making personal insults towards a complete stranger who disagrees with you.

Im not bitter, nor am I the neighbour. I'm actually a mother of three including a new baby, living in a townhouse and taking reasonable steps to be a good neighbour.

I won't be conversing with you further. Have a great weekend. 👍

Wondering how you stop your newborn from crying in order to "be a good neighbour"? 🤔

👏

Where is your friend from?
I think I’m moving!

so sorry you’re going through this. Must be really shit, just know you’re doing the best you can. ❤️

1. ignore it.
2. leave a box of cheap earplugs in the stairwell and a note saying "help yourself".
3. get builders in to complete the quiet task of knocking down walls and tearing your home apart.
4. play motorhead at highest volume, on repeat, so nothing but lemmy can be heard throughout the entire block.
5. get a really noisy dog that yaps 24/7.
6. simply ask baby to be quiet, I did this with colicky baby no.2, "ah ds2, have you considered not crying excessively in extreme discomfort?", didn't help me but maybe you'll have a magical baby with better comprehension.
7. leave a note back explaining you're sorry, but your baby is just in their "highly unreasonable era".
8. get baby gaviscon if you haven't already? Game changer for us!
9. take up drumming as a career and practise during the times baby is most unsettled. I definitely saw that was a cure for colicky baby's on Dr Phil once.
10. try to not let this stress you, babies cry, they stop eventually. If someone can't deal with communal noise, then they're daft to live in a communal building. Not your problem 💐

Ridiculous. Ignore. They need to invest in some heavy duty ear plugs. Babies cry just as they would have done once.

To be fair to @esgill only she knows where she lives and how much property costs. It’s not the point of the thread, but if the fed-up neighbour owns a tenement property in one of the really expensive parts of Glasgow or Edinburgh, they could realistically expect to buy a house elsewhere in the city for the same price, or even less. Am guessing similar could be said of other places where traditional apartments in prime locations go for mad money.

Did you not raise her bed at an angle?
Your description sounds very much like reflux. I'm just confused that you don't know whether it's reflux or colic despite having seen a doctor. Even silent reflux is usually distinguishable from Colic. Either way, the neighbour is unreasonable IF you've done everything you can to help your DD and you haven't left her to cry.
My DD went through a two week phase of crying non-stop. It broke my heart to see her so distressed for (at one point) hours on end. If they do make themselves known/knock on door then suggest they invest in some ear plugs and some compassion

Do NOT tell me to 'educate myself' How dare you?! Clearly your reading comprehension is not up to par as I never said op did say such a thing. If you'd read my post properly you'll see that I worded that as a question..... Keep up!

Can you improve your sound proofing though?

Do you have a carpet in the room baby sleeps? If not can you get a cheap rug for the floor?

People are arseholes. My DS cried solid for 3 years. He was horrific. I was close to a nervous breakdown, a letter like that would've tipped me over the edge.

You're doing a great job OP, it's hard. Ignore it.

They do come out the other side, I now a pre teen on my hands who is an absolute delight. Worth every hour he cried those early years.

@esgill you have my empathy. Anonymous note writer does not. They were being unreasonable and rude. We share this world with people of all age groups. That means that we do have to find a way to be tolerant of babies crying. Babies cry. That is reality. And if it bothers you then that is your problem not the baby’s problem. Not the parent’s problem. It is your problem to deal with and you have no right to put it back onto the parents like anonymous note writer did.

Most people at some stage in their life have had to be tolerant of babies crying. Decent people do not take out their frustration or annoyance on the parents.

It’s difficult - I feel for all of you. If you knew who the tenant was, I would suggest going to chat with them to see if there was anything more to be done that didn’t involve soundproofing. For example, could they get a noise machine? Could you put seals under your doors etc…

It's a bit of an a-hole move though isn't it, a letter