How old is too old to co-sleep??

[Crazydoglady04]

My partners little girl is 6. She started staying with us every weekend when she was 3 and has had her own bedroom since she was 4 and has slept in her own bed at our house since then. Around the time of doing up her bedroom we spoke to her mum who said she still slept in bed with her, but she was going to decorate a bedroom for her and get her in her own bed before she started school in September.
Fast forward over 2 years and she still co-sleeps with her mum/nana/grandad at home and still does not have her own bedroom.
Everytime they go on holiday and we don't see her for a week we go back to square one of getting up repeatedly for hours in the middle of the night because she refuses to stay in her own bed.
So my question is, what age is too old to co-sleep? We feel like 6 is a bit too old now, and she should be able to self sooth and fall asleep on her own which she cannot do. Her mum says she doesn't want to upset her daughter and she'll start sleeping in her own bed when she's ready.
The most important thing to us is that she has consistency but we seem to be on very different pages with her mother.

@Coshei I have many friends similar to this. I honestly don't understand how it benefits anyone. MN is hilarious though on posts like this. One can only be a great parent if one spends every minute of the day with ones kids plus nighttime too apparently. I'd love to get a dads opinion on co sleeping & whether it's something he also enjoys. My friend has so many of her kids in her bed at night her poor hubby sleeps on the sofa downstairs most nights. Surely when people want a babysitter it becomes a major problem? Do all grandparents want a small (or large) child crawling into their beds? I wouldn't.

I think it's definitely fine at 6 (much earlier also fine) to decide that cosleeping isn't happening in your house.

We have tried cosleeping occasionally when one of ours has been unwell or whatever but they have a truly astonishing ability to take up the entire bed and kick us both in multiple places so no more... I also just don't want to - of course happy to go and comfort them if they're unwell or have a nightmare but as a matter of routine, I expect them to be able to sleep on their own and link up their sleep cycles. I would go mad if I didn't get any privacy at night, the lack of privacy in the day is bad enough

@ru53

I listened to Sophia Axelrods 'how babies sleep' audiobook and followed her methods almost exactly, only took 2 weeks and she was sleeping through the night on her own.

It requires leaving baby alone for a few minutes when crying which, I won't lie, was definitely tough. But at that point she had been crying/grumbling between 8pm and 11pm for about a month while I tried to get her to sleep in my arms so I had to try something different for my own sanity. I figured two minutes crying on her own was no worse than hours crying with me. And actually it only took her a few days to realise things weren't so bad in her cot and another week or so to settle without us going in every few minutes.

The book explains the science behind the method and provides references to relevant studies which helped me follow through with it all. There's lots of environmental things to implement too (like red lights and blackout blinds) that were super easy to do.

Honestly it's such a good thing to do, the difference a good nights sleep makes to everyones mental health is massive, and there's just no way I would get a proper sleep with a wriggly little toddler in the bed.

I‘m a single Dad and I find it very strange. I’m also pretty sure I’d get some funny looks if my daughter slept next to me in bed.

My friends have not slept in the same bed since their daughter was born. To me this sounds insane but each to their own.

Yes I have a husband my dd sometimes sleeps in his bed.

My children are happy in their own beds or our beds and they sleep fine when at relatives houses or on Beaver, Cub and now Scout camps.

My DD co-slept most of the time until she was 12. She had her own room and would start off in it but come into ours almost every night. She's been abroad with school and is happily looking forward to heading off to uni in September so I don't think it's done any harm.

However, (and I haven't RTFT), I do think the OP's SD ought to have a room of her own that isn't her mother's, even if she doesn't actually end up sleeping in it yet.

It’s to do with her because she is her step mum and they live together some of the time

Any age is too old to co-sleep its a stupid, lazy and dangerous practice. There is no reason not to have your baby in its own sleeping space from day one. They learn to sleep alone and self soothe from tiny and sleep much better in the long run. Our DS is 6yrs now, he has never spent a night in our bed. DS was in our room in a moses basket till 8wks then went in his own room in his cot. He has slept 10-12 hours from 10wks and still does.

The fact you moved him at 8 weeks proves how little you know about safe sleep.

Is this post satire?

We have to hope!

sounds really detached and uncaring to me

How old are you? Do you sleep by yourself?

Our son is eight, he sleeps with us, on the odd rare occasion he will sleep in his bed, if he is babysat and the babysitting includes bedtime he’ll sleep in his bed, unless its grandma or uncle babysitting and he’ll often sleep with them.

They’re too old when they don’t want to do it anymore, obviously a parent can end it, but they can’t force another parent to end it.

One day

Close family members of mine co-slept with their children until at least mid teens - dad with older child, mum with younger child. I know because they all liked to talk proudly about it at family gatherings. I always found it deeply strange, I just can't imagine wanting to get in a parent's bed past early childhood. And now, as a parent myself, I can't understand not wanting to sleep beside your partner. The fact that they needed to tell us (repeatedly) was the weirdest thing though.

We co slept from about 5 months to 3 years then put our daughter in her own room. She was ok for about a year but now suddenly prefers to go to bed with us. We just recently bought a king size bed because we don't mind it and maybe it's just part of her development at the moment. It can affect intimacy unless you've got a comfy sofa!

We transitioned at 3, sort of said you’re a big girl now so you need to sleep in your own bedroom and she was great with it. She does still sometimes come into ours and I’ll always be ok with that (who doesn’t need a cuddle sometimes?). But for us 3 was the right time

DD 3.5 briefly started sleeping in her own room this summer but following an op where we were separated she’s back in with us. Tbh it’s warmer - can’t afford to have the heating on at night and this way she’s snuggled and warm between us!
she can sleep with us as long as she wants to. As I work full time j can’t imagine getting home at 6.45 then putting her in her own room and not seeing her for 12 hours. I love waking up in the night with my peanut bladder and seeing her little face

So nice to hear that others still think co sleeping is fine with primary aged kids, my 8yo daughter still sleeps in my bed, my husband sleep in her room surrounded by teddies and dolls 🙈 she's always had her own room but rarely sleeps in it, husband doesn't mind as we actually sleep better (he's a shift worker).

My now 11 yo went into her own room at 3 and can't stand sharing a bed.

I slept in my mums bed until I was 13!!!

She should have her own room but it's absolutely fine that she prefers to sleep with mum. Those saying that parents just want someone to cuddle - why do you not think that the kid doesn't?

Both my kids wondered into our bed until they were about 8. Not every night, as were put to bed in their own rooms/beds but when they had bad dreams, woke for the loo or just because they wanted to. We never formally stopped them, they drifted out of the habit - probably because they were physically bigger and 3 in a bed isn’t very roomy!

However, assuming mum is still single, your DSD not sharing the bed with an unrelated adult at her mum’s. I think it’s fair to ask if you can set different rules for your house on that basis and to have mum’s support. Perhaps she could have a night-light and one of those cuddly toys that you heat up in the microwave as a warm body substitute? And a reward for sleeping in her own bed like a big girl?

Hahah this made me smile, my younger brother and I did the same when my dad went away overnight until I was 15 and he was 13. Then our parents divorced - the upside was that we now had every night to take it in turns if we wanted!

I used to get nightmares and feel scared at night and would therefore go into my mum's bed reasonably regularly, maybe once a week, until I left home aged 21. If memory serves, I think I nearly slept in her bed when I was 23 and spending a night at home the night before my wedding. But she was annoying me watching telly on her iPad so I went into my old room

Really? Since having children, I've had many conversations with my grandparents and great aunties/other relatives of the same generation and they've all got stories about cosleeping with their children/trying to persuade their children to get out of mum and dad's bed. Sure they don't use the term cosleep, but their children wanted to be close to them at night all the same.