Parents - Do you think people without children have missed out?

[Pshop55]

So this is for parents only! I want to know if you feel that people without children are missing out on a big experience/feelings/joy & ‘don’t know what they are missing’ and be honest! No one is judging just want honest answers as we have been talking about this tonight, obviously everyone’s answers are just their own opinion before anyone gets offended!!

Yes they are.

But.

I am missing out on things you tend to only experience without DC.

i think it’s important ti be happy and have plans for both situations. When we were TTC we were very happy with the alternative life we would have without DC if it never happened - luxury, money, travel etc.

I did everything very late in my life, ie lived out my 30s clubbing drinking dancing traveling around the world. I didn't think I'd have children and my time was up.

At 41 I got pregnant with dc and so now I have a toddler.

I don't think anyone really misses anything.

Life was good without children, life is good with a child. Im glad I had her
As I had wanted kids for a long time.
But if I didn't... I don't think I'd be yearning.

No.

I adore my DC with all my being but it's extremely challenging and exhausting with what feels like, little to no reward.
I was on the side of not wanting children, then I did. But equally I still think I would have been just as fulfilled if I did not have kids.
I think for the sake of my relationship, work, mental health, social life, health 😆

I'm not a parent, but I never want to be one, so no I don't feel like I'm missing out.

No, they’re not missing out, I wouldn’t change having my child for the world but if someone had actually really been able to show me what it was like to be a parent I would have thought twice. My favourite hobby pre child was cycling in the countryside for miles, I have done this a handful of times in 7 years and would love the freedom to be able to do my hobbies again. No more weekly pub quiz etc either
I think for people who desperately want children and can’t have them it must be devastating but people who choose not to have children are not missing out at all.

Completely agree

Yes.

I have lots of childfree by choice friends and acquaintances and I would never say it.

But YES, massively.

There is truly no joy in life like your sweet soft toddler cuddling you, kissing you, telling you repeatedly they love you. Climbing into bed for a cuddle and just saying “mummy. Mummy” repeatedly in a happy little voice while holding your face. When you can tell they love you so much it’s like they want to climb inside your skin to get as close to you as possible. Annoying at 5am? A bit! But the joy, pureness and fulfilment is unrivalled.

Same with having an older child tell you they love you spontaneously, or tell you “I just want to hang out with you,” or watching them emulate your hobbies because they look up to you, or watch them become the fantastic unique person they are. Their face light up when they spot you in the audience at the school play. It’s a joy and a privilege.

I always see childfree by choice advocates/influencers argue “you can’t say there’s no greater love - I love my partner and my parents!” But it isn’t the same. And you can’t know until you’ve experienced it. The feelings a parent has towards a child are driven by evolution to be that strong.

Plus I love my husband more as the father of my children than I did when we were dating before babies. Those might have been wilder/sexier/more carefree times, but the bond of loving and sharing a life with someone you share children with is next-level. I look in his eyes and see my children’s beautiful eyes. I see his traits, talents and personality in our children. I get to see him being a father. It is just all on a different level, to me.

Who knows if childless people will grow to regret it. Most probably won’t. You can’t miss what you don’t know.

But life is a series of decisions where we never know what the alternative decision would have been like. So yes, I really do think people without children can know they aren’t missing out. You can’t miss out on something that never existed. I don’t really know why we put procreating on such a pedestal really, after all, it is just another decision to be made in life.

FWIW I thought I’d enjoy parenting more than I have. I love my DC but I find parenting more slog with moments of joy and happiness. But, following on from my point above, it doesn’t equate to feeling like I am ‘missing out’ on a child free existence.

Well I think the love and bond between a mother and child has the potential to be very strong ( stronger than the father/ child bond). Not everyone nurtures that bond of course.
It’s all just opinion though and I wouldn’t foist mine on this topic on anyone in real life. It’s too sensitive. I have a friend who I believe would make the most amazing mother but she’s maintained she doesn’t want them and I respect that.

Just because you didn’t know love and real joy before children doesn’t mean others haven’t. People experience love and joy in many ways. It’s strange to look at life through your own lens and assume that’s the ‘right’ way

@Workingtomorrow I was asked my opinion and I gave it. It’s pretty rude to dismiss my post in that way.
As far as people who are abusive I doubt having children made them that way, I suspect they were already vile human beings.

Missed out on a whole load of stress and worry? Yes!

We waited to have a baby until our 30s … and I’m glad we did, life naturally seems to be ‘slowing down’ so to speak for people/couples around our age- no longer finding value in partying or travelling. Sometimes I miss our old life being able to do what we want when we want.. that being said becoming a parent has been the most amazing experience.. I wouldn’t swap it now for the world and couldn’t imagine a life without our little one.. I don’t feel we are ‘missing anything’ we did lots in our 20s together.
Equally, I’m not sure if you’d miss being a parent if you’ve never been one - I don’t think you can imagine exactly what it’s like because you’re not in it? Although I recognise people who are childless not by choice may feel they’ve missed out on a lot of experiences.

No. I absolutely adore my DD and she brings an incredible amount of joy to my life. BUT, before we had her, I also loved my life and even now I do have her, I don't think I was "missing out" before.

It's different lives. One is not better than the other. I wouldn't ever trade my life with her, now she's here, but equally I had a great life before.

There are plenty of people who would make terrible parents and absolutely would hate the whole experience of having and raising children.

Agreed! These people aren’t ‘missing out’.

Not having children clearly means that you miss out on the specific experience of raising children, however not having children may lead to missing out on other experiences - parents may have less free cash, less free time, miss out on work, travel etc opportunities.

I actually don’t really agree with this take. I’ll be ‘done’ with children by my early 40s (as in, they’ll all be over 18). With luck that’s decades of good health and good finances left to enjoy holidays, free time, hobbies etc. In fact I look forward to this time a lot, and always joke what me and DH will get up to.

I also had a fab time from aged 18-mid 20s, drinking, travelling, socialising, festivals, living with different groups of people, building my career. I don’t really feel like I “missed out”.

My career certainly has benefited since having children, as my motivation and drive has increased (although I understand this isn’t an option for some women). That drive to “do well” for your kids meant we got on the housing market and chased good jobs, in a way I wouldn’t have if I was just 30 and single/childless.

Obviously you miss out on the specific experience of being childless, but you don’t miss out on all other good stuff in life (travel/freedom/fulfilment etc) just because you had kids. You just dial it back for a couple of years while they’re little. People greatly over exaggerate it imo.

Of course childfree by choice people know what they're missing. They're childfree, not stupid or without insight and empathy. They exist in a world where people they love - family and friends - have children, they live and work with those people and share their lives and experience and day to day across decades.

But being childfree by choice is a decision people make based on their own personal evaluation. They know what they're missing and don't care - they see the alternative as better for them. If then didn't then they'd have/have had children.

I'm out of the trenches of small kids, so this is a view no longer colored by sleepless nights and utter lack of freedom

I feel connected to life and community in way that I didn't even know existed before I had kids - and I was active & involved then too. It's weird and hard to describe, but it feels almost like a level of adulthood & connection that wasn't there before.

But I don't think child free are missing out even so - it's just unique, like a lot of other things could be maybe, that I don't get to experience

It does often come across like that

For me, it depends if the person in question wanted children or not. (Sorry if this had already been said, I haven't read the thread).

My friend can't have children and desperately wants them. The time has gone now and it won't happen. I was almost 40 when I had my child and I can now see how much she is missing out on. I wouldn't have understood this before I had a child as I was never even sure if I wanted one.

However I have another friend who doesn't want children and I don't feel she is missing out on anything. I understand her life as it was mine until I was 39. She doesn't feel like she is either.

For what it's worth, I'm so glad I had my child. It's changed my life in a way I couldn't have known and he makes me sp happy. Most of all, i love seeing him with my husband and our families - I never knew I would love this as much as I do. He's only 3 and I am genuinely loving everyday and the bounce and excitement he brings to each day.

Eh? Not one single bitter comment on here from a child free person that I can see. And I am not child free.

I feel this. I also feel like a proper grown up now, I feel complete having that motherly love, I love being someones mum. I feel like I can relate to other adults better now. It's given me amazing confidence.

Don’t! This has been good to read!

On this thread? I haven't seen any bitterness.

Nope.

I think most of what you experience with children can be replicated with other people - wanting to kill them when they embarrass you I also experience with my (now Ex H).

I felt like I would do anything to protect them, but to be honest I also feel like that about my cats so...