Parents - Do you think people without children have missed out?

[Pshop55]

So this is for parents only! I want to know if you feel that people without children are missing out on a big experience/feelings/joy & ‘don’t know what they are missing’ and be honest! No one is judging just want honest answers as we have been talking about this tonight, obviously everyone’s answers are just their own opinion before anyone gets offended!!

Exactly.

I'm glad I had DC but my life was also good and fulfilling before I had him and it would also be good and fulfilling if we had decided to remain childfree.

I think that childfree people will never understand what it is like to be a parent. I say this because everyone feels like they can add their 2 cents and opinion.

Do I think they are missing out? Only if it’s what you want. If you do not want children then you do not know what you do not know. I’m sure there are other joys in life and other ways to have a fulfilled life.

I see advantages and disadvantages to both - my childfree friends have their own challenges - when I hear what some are going through I would prefer my parenting “struggles”. Sometimes they are envious of me for getting having a child “out of my system”. Some have very different ambitions to me - I am such a “home girl” and very family oriented so it works for me. I have friends that prefer travelling the world, love night life and enjoying their freedom and so the child free life works for them.

I agree with PP - having children is such a gamble - you don’t know who you will get.

I also think so many people with children make parenting sound like hell.

It’s a bit like having a husband/life time partner. Are all single people missing out? Probably - but there are other freedoms that they can explore.

booni but not everyone has your experience ... I had a super chilled baby and made the sensible decision to stick with one, I've never been woken up too early or not been able to drink a coffee in peace .... and never been disturbed when using the toilet but I was a very strict parent and wouldn't have allowed my DC to disturb me when I needed the bathroom.

I have loved being a parent and I would have missed out on a lot of things that I have enjoyed, or have changed me as a person (for the better) if I hadn't.

I, and no one else, can or should speak for others.

With my siblings and now with their children the men wanted and want children more.

And with those who wanted them they stepped up so stereotypical gender roles in my family are fluid.

Ditto. I don't understand why you would purposefully set your life ablaze more than once? As for being a mummy is your greatest achievement? F* off. My existence is an achievement without children being factored in. They don't somehow elevate you. They expose every sore spot, past trauma and insecurity you can think of. Being a parent isn't for the faint hearted.

I think old age is a lonely prospect without children and grandchildren.

This is predicated on the notion that your children stay in touch and don't go NC with you!

Yes. But it might not really hit home under they are sixty plus (nothing to do with caring).

There is really interesting research that shows that things go downhill for around 25 years after marriage and children and then slowly get better so I expect the childless would be happier during this 25 year period!

It also depends on your experience of family life of course. Having a disabled child and constant high levels of stress from dealing with them and the challenges of funding help, managing school etc. which has directly affected my health, is not something I think anyone is really 'missing out' on.

Yes well said. The only thing I would maybe say though is that you would think it’s easier to predict how a travelling experience would make you feel beforehand Vs having children as people often say ‘I didn’t know I could feel these emotions’ until after they’ve had the baby?

Only if it’s something they desire. Yes if course you will not be experiencing the same things, but ‘missing out’ makes it seem negative. Im aware I will not have the same life experiences as a child free person, but im ok with that. We can want different things.

No one should have children they don’t really, really want.
Parenting is a unique experience. But so is bungee jumping, living in the Australian outback or being the Queen. I’ve done none of these things.
Each parents journey different from the next parent. Are they missing out? In my opinion, only if it is something they desperately wanted and were unable to achieve.

It depends.

If they want children and have been unable to have them and if they feel they are missing out then who am I to say they aren't? I have to respect how they say they feel about their situation.

If they don't want children then no, I don't think they're missing out.

No. But I might have thought that way before I had a child. My first husband didn't want kids and in the torment of trying to work out what to do, I read a lot of 'childfree by choice' articles and to someone who was finding out she did want children, they came across really badly. But having had a child and blessedly no longer feeling broody, I don't think they would seem like that now.

I know that I would have lost out, hugely. I can't imagine my life without ds. Which certainly doesn't mean it's all been sunshine.

They are missing out, but only inasmuch as I am missing out on not having a dog because I don't have one. I have a dog-free lifestyle, which is an alternative I am happy with.

No. I think people's lives without children are different but not less rich with love and experiences (and cash!).

Yes. I didn't know this love before. It doesn't compare to love we feel for our partners (and I do adore mine). It is more amazing than I could imagine (as well as tiring/stressful etc!). But I know that not everyone wants this life, so I understand to them, that they probably wouldn't appreciate it the way I do, if they had it (unless they are childfree not by choice!)

Yes and no. Tbh I’ve always been quite emotional and struggled with things like the news quite badly. Things are emphasised when you have a small child, but wasn’t completely new to me. Some people gain a lot more empathy though. I think it’s more that you love your child in an incredibly protective way and in a different way to your partner. But again, everyone experiences this differently.

I like to think that these days, most people who have kids wanted them and that alone will influence how you feel.

If they wanted children and couldn't have them, yes. If they didn't want children, then no. Not everyone is suited to being a parent, and not everyone would like being one.

Really?

My DD actually has the same name of someone who was childless and elderly. I didn't know she was childless until after she died as adults who could have been her children's age visited her in sickness and in health.

Someone I know who was very old recently died. That person has lots of visitors in the care home they ended up in.

I knew someone else elderly who had an adult child I never saw. Instead he had lots of friends and neighbours visit him in his care home. When he was alive he knew everyone on his street plus frequent visitors of his neighbours like me.

I have more examples.

All these old childless people lived in "unfriendly" London.

I’ve always desperately wanted children, even if there is no logic to it. It’s like people who are desperate to find a partner and fall in love, or travel the world and can’t cope feeling caged. It can be a drive within us.

Of course they are missing out on things but, equally, so am I not having their lifestyle! That's a fact.

If you mean are they missing out in a judgy way "my life's better than yours because I've got kids" well is just a unfounded judgy call. Some will be , some won't.

I think that happiness and fulfilment can be had with, or without children. I do think maternal love is unique, but is it better than romantic or platonic love? No, just different.

Yes. They're missing out on the love. I mean, it's a serious, serious hassle a lot of the time, but the love you have for them and the frequent moments of joy are worth it.

Having children made me realise what I’d been missing out on and I regret not having them earlier as I would have liked to have had more. So I guess for some if they had children they might feel similar. You can’t truly know what it’s like unless you’ve done it.
However on the other side your independence is restricted for some time and I will miss out on doing things like travelling.