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Original poster

Ex left us for BPD minor

103 replies

Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 19:35

Hi

I posted a while back regarding my ex (31) leaving us for a minor.

She has now turned 16 and her mum has consented the relationship and he lives in her family home.

The girl has BPD borderline personality disorder and adds me on fake social media accounts constantly. She sends the most unhinged messages. Under his name and various fake names. The last message I received was 'help me please'
I informed the police as it was so bizarre it's like a split personality but they said she denied it and 'is safe and well'

Apparently she has tried to kill herself two times, controls the relationship and has a short temper.

He won't leave as he loves her and 'everyone always leaves her'

I just can't get my head around him doing everything a 16 yo tells him to do but he hasn't even sent my children a bday card in the past 8 months. He has more compassion for her than he does my children.

She told him he can't see the children as it will remind him of me.

This girl hates me and everyone from his past (his mum says)

It's making me question my worth what is wrong with me. My children cry for him everyday and feel it's their fault
For some reason it still hurts me and I need to heal. I often randomly cry.

You know in Alice and wonderland and she falls down a hole of weird abnormal things that's how I feel.

I can't believe this situation I am so hurt. I haven't spoken to him once since he disappeared to be with the girl. I have no one to talk to due to the shame.

I also can't help feel like how can he get away with all the pain he's caused but he is.

OP posts:
Flensburg · 05/01/2024 19:40

Why doesn't it make you question what is wrong with HIM??!
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. But you must see that he and her mother are clearly in the wrong. She is far too young and vulnerable to be in a relationship with a 31 year old.

PinkMimosa · 05/01/2024 19:50

I can remember your thread. You really do need to stop responding to the messages.

I think the advice you were given was to make sure that all of your SM is locked down, completely. I'd also think about changing your mobile number.

As the PP said, there's nothing wrong with you, but there's something seriously wrong with him.

He's a Paedophile. He's chosen to be a Paedophile and he's chosen to continue the relationship with her. He's also the one choosing not to see his own DC.

I think you might need to speak to your GP about how you're feeling, you sound very low.

And I'd definitely speak to a friend, you need sober RL support Flowers

Soutterlyfedup · 05/01/2024 19:54

You are well shot of him. He is a dodgy creep is he is interested sexually in a wee girl like that. Block him and her and make sure he is paying his way with the kids.Seek legal advice re contact . He sounds horrible and I would ensure you safeguard your children from him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General parenting Relationship problems
Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 19:54

Thank you I have contacted my GP.
I dont respond to the messages at all she has followed my business page on various accounts names and sent me a message saying HELP ME as I say I contacted the police

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 05/01/2024 19:55

I remember your thread.

Change the name on your social media so she can’t find you with new accounts. Block her. Stop thinking about her or him. They are of no value and no earthly use to you now.

Start planning for the new reality. Their actions, old and new, are irrelevant. They have mental health issues. They aren’t your problem anymore.

Dinoboymama · 05/01/2024 19:57

BPD can't be diagnosed in a minor as immaturity can mimic the same behaviours.

Change your name on social media to stop her being able to find you I might help stop the messages coming through.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 19:59

Thank you it's just the lack of closure or reason too.
I do believe his head has gone.
10 years ago he had psychosis maybe he never fully recovered. That's the only explanation I can come to.

OP posts:
Asurvivor · 05/01/2024 19:59

I didn’t see your earlier posts so I don’t know the background but it sounds really tough for you OP.

It is understandable how hurt you feel, I hope you are able to ask friends or family for help. The shame is not yours to bear, it is his and his alone.

And agree with other posters, protect yourself & your dc from the messages & unstable behaviour of both of them.

Wishing you well.

SteadyEddi · 05/01/2024 20:00

I read your previous post but can’t remember if the kids are his?

can you block her?

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:02

Thank you all it's a new year wish I could forget most days are good just have low emotional days trying to make sense of it

OP posts:
SteadyEddi · 05/01/2024 20:03

I think block her, go through official channels to get child maintenance if the entitlement is there, focus on yourself and the kids welfare and recovering from what must have been a shock. Start talking possibly starting with a factual update via text. Talk to all your close friends and close family. Get the support you need.

SteadyEddi · 05/01/2024 20:04

If you can access talking therapies please do

PinkMimosa · 05/01/2024 20:04

I don't think you're going to get closure or know what's caused his behaviour. It's so difficult but like others have said, you need to start thinking about what your new life will be for you and your DC.

And I wouldn't call the Police again. It just feeds the drama for her.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:06

Since august I think she has made approx 12 accounts on various platforms in various names (all linked to him.) I've blocked them she always makes more. I just find it bizarre as I haven't spoken a word to him. They don't have my new number.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 05/01/2024 20:07

Are the children his? If not help them to move on.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:07

PinkMimosa · 05/01/2024 20:04

I don't think you're going to get closure or know what's caused his behaviour. It's so difficult but like others have said, you need to start thinking about what your new life will be for you and your DC.

And I wouldn't call the Police again. It just feeds the drama for her.

Thank you for your advice Flowers

OP posts:
IwouldntWorry · 05/01/2024 20:08

So the relationship started when she was 15?
I wouldn’t be letting him near my children!

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:12

Yes they are his children unfortunately. On NYE one of my nephews said to my LG (6 y/o)
'haha your dad left you' I wasn't there my heart broke
My son has been so angry and aggressive in school and home. The school have said they believe he is displaying his hurt through anger it all makes me breakdown and the girls messages makes me feel like she is laughing at our hurt.

Another message she sent pretending to be him-
I want to see the kids
Please bring them around
Get to mine please I want my kids

It's strange

OP posts:
ArchetypalBusyMum · 05/01/2024 20:14

Some people are broken in terms of values/priorities/standards of decency/appreciation of the impact their choices make in themselves or others.

Sounds like he's one of them.
I am stunned you are taking this to be a reflection on you and your worth/negative influence on him.
What he's done is criminal (underage until just now) and highly distasteful to any half decent person.
The poor child clearly has massive problems and the fact her mum hasn't told him to get tae f*ck suggests she's poorly protected and one could surmise suffering the effects of bad parenting.

How any of this can compute as anything other than irrefutably on him I have no idea.

I'm wondering whether this is impacting your ability to (age appropriately) educate your kids on how wrong adults can be sometimes and help them start to see that it's nothing they've done wrong. They need to come to understand that dad is a very very flawed person and while they can love him as it's natural, they can also see him for what he is, deeply problematic, and it's not their fault.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:14

The school have given me a support worker for my son and play therapy for my girl it feels like I'm picking up the pieces hopefully this helps them i don't feel strong at all it's so painful

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 05/01/2024 20:15

And I wouldn't call the Police again. It just feeds the drama for her.

I took that to mean that OP was concerned for the safety of the child (now legal adult) that he has groomed.

squigglygiggly · 05/01/2024 20:16

Dinoboymama · 05/01/2024 19:57

BPD can't be diagnosed in a minor as immaturity can mimic the same behaviours.

Change your name on social media to stop her being able to find you I might help stop the messages coming through.

I know 2 people who were diagnosed BPD in their mid teens

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:17

Waitingfordoggo · 05/01/2024 20:15

And I wouldn't call the Police again. It just feeds the drama for her.

I took that to mean that OP was concerned for the safety of the child (now legal adult) that he has groomed.

I did your right but in all honesty she did play it like a game. The police said 'she is known to us and I have a feeling she will deny it'

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 05/01/2024 20:17

Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:14

The school have given me a support worker for my son and play therapy for my girl it feels like I'm picking up the pieces hopefully this helps them i don't feel strong at all it's so painful

This sounds positive OP. Don’t let him live ‘rent-free’ in your head, as they say. He sounds like an atrocious person and in fact a criminal given that he entered into a ‘relationship’ with a child. You absolutely don’t want someone like that in your or your children’s lives. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and just continue to be the good mum that your children need. 💐

Dynamoat · 05/01/2024 20:18

You have a reason, he's a peadophile.

Focus on your children and their safeguarding.

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