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Original poster

Ex left us for BPD minor

103 replies

Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 19:35

Hi

I posted a while back regarding my ex (31) leaving us for a minor.

She has now turned 16 and her mum has consented the relationship and he lives in her family home.

The girl has BPD borderline personality disorder and adds me on fake social media accounts constantly. She sends the most unhinged messages. Under his name and various fake names. The last message I received was 'help me please'
I informed the police as it was so bizarre it's like a split personality but they said she denied it and 'is safe and well'

Apparently she has tried to kill herself two times, controls the relationship and has a short temper.

He won't leave as he loves her and 'everyone always leaves her'

I just can't get my head around him doing everything a 16 yo tells him to do but he hasn't even sent my children a bday card in the past 8 months. He has more compassion for her than he does my children.

She told him he can't see the children as it will remind him of me.

This girl hates me and everyone from his past (his mum says)

It's making me question my worth what is wrong with me. My children cry for him everyday and feel it's their fault
For some reason it still hurts me and I need to heal. I often randomly cry.

You know in Alice and wonderland and she falls down a hole of weird abnormal things that's how I feel.

I can't believe this situation I am so hurt. I haven't spoken to him once since he disappeared to be with the girl. I have no one to talk to due to the shame.

I also can't help feel like how can he get away with all the pain he's caused but he is.

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 05/01/2024 20:20

Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:17

I did your right but in all honesty she did play it like a game. The police said 'she is known to us and I have a feeling she will deny it'

Show quote history

She may well be an absolute nightmare but she is completely absolved from any responsibility that the relationship happened at all. All he had to do as an adult was not start a relationship with a child.

It’s a shame she doesn’t want to be helped but you did the right thing.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:20

My LG always says I DONT CARE I LOVE MY DAD EVEN IF HE DOESN'T LOVE ME. She is only 6. It honestly kills me. I have tried to teach them about projection in everyday life and how people usually treat others how they feel about themselves including dad. But it's like I'm the only one who feels it's wrong. The police, her mum, him, her. See no problem

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2024 20:24

Op, you can't argue with stupid.
She's clearly a vulnerable young person, but she's not your responsibility.
He's a grown uass predatory man who does not deserve your tears. You ARE better off without him.
The kids are getting support, all you can do is support them to feel their feelings and keep on going. It will get better.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General parenting Relationship problems
Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:24

Thank you all I'm sorry to vent. I'm really looking forward to the future. My children are truly are beautiful inside and out. I have many good days where I'm grateful we 'got out' but some days I feel so low and cry. Thanks again better days are coming

OP posts:
ItsNotOkItsNotTheEnd · 05/01/2024 20:24

Keep reporting her odd behaviour to the police. It's disturbing her mother seems OK with her new relationship and that he is so quick to drop his children on her command.

Know this though it is NOT your fault. You need to tell yourself that everyday. Him leaving is not a reflection on you or the children and I would be inclined to tell them that and tell them the truth in that you do not know why he does not make contact but you will always be there no matter what for them and they can always come to you for love, support and what ever else they need. Keep reminding them that.

You cannot control what he does but can you can focus on your healing which will help your children. They are looking at you to be strong and show them how to get through this. Fake it until you make it. Love yourself, do what makes you happy and if you find yourself asking questions about why he has done what he has just sit with it and don't try to answer them. It is uncertainty and you will never know the reasons.

mamacorn1 · 05/01/2024 20:24

Trust all of us OP - he is wrong. Not only is she a child, but a mentally unwell one. Try to see her as a victim of his rather than the other way round. Please never let your children have contact with this man alone, no matter what takes place In the future. The situation is so weird and abusive, you have to question why the authorities are not involved with this girl and her mother.

Lindy2 · 05/01/2024 20:29

I'd be grateful he wasn't in contact with my children. I'm sorry but him being with a mentally ill, vulnerable 16 year old is just vile.

Stay well away from them all and keep your children away. You are better off without him.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:32

mamacorn1 · 05/01/2024 20:24

Trust all of us OP - he is wrong. Not only is she a child, but a mentally unwell one. Try to see her as a victim of his rather than the other way round. Please never let your children have contact with this man alone, no matter what takes place In the future. The situation is so weird and abusive, you have to question why the authorities are not involved with this girl and her mother.

Authorities are involved. I'm not sure why but he has been interviewed by the police multiple times even stopped at the airport for potential child grooming. But the mum consents it. In his defence he doesn't come across as the creepy type, more introverted gentle type. I find it hard to believe he is a predator myself. I think he loves her or why would do all this for her. He lives with her and her mum 2 hours away in the countryside. She goes to school. He goes to work. He wouldn't even want to do a school run for me.

OP posts:
DragonFly98 · 05/01/2024 20:34

You thread is title is really offensive calling a child a BPD minor. Under 18's aren't diagnosed with BPD and even if someone was you don't refer to them in that way.

DragonFly98 · 05/01/2024 20:36

squigglygiggly · 05/01/2024 20:16

I know 2 people who were diagnosed BPD in their mid teens

Show quote history

Years ago teens were, not anymore.

TheMoth · 05/01/2024 20:38

You find it hard to think of him as a predator? Wtf?! She's a child. She was a child of 15 and now a child of 16.
This thread can't be real.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:42

DragonFly98 · 05/01/2024 20:34

You thread is title is really offensive calling a child a BPD minor. Under 18's aren't diagnosed with BPD and even if someone was you don't refer to them in that way.

Sorry I didn't mean to cause offence she was under psychiatric watch last January and has tried to kill herself multiple times. His mum wrote me a letter to tell me that she has BPD. And her unstable behaviour validated that for me. Although it could be her age. I don't judge anyone with health issues but I do believe it allows others to know how to navigate the situation best suited to the individual.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 20:44

TheMoth · 05/01/2024 20:38

You find it hard to think of him as a predator? Wtf?! She's a child. She was a child of 15 and now a child of 16.
This thread can't be real.

When you know someone half your life share children with them, then this news comes to you it is difficult to process. Have you heard of cognitive dissonance? Yes it is real, it's my life right now. It's shocking I know

OP posts:
TheMoth · 05/01/2024 20:45

So she's a vulnerable teen, being exploited by your ex and her mother is complicit.
Your ex is a fucking monster.

Livelovebehappy · 05/01/2024 20:46

I wouldn’t feel safe with the random unhinged messages she is sending you. I would report the messages to the police. It’s stalking behaviour, and if she has MH issues, could turn sinister. Surely the police would issue a warning to her to stop. Isn’t stalking against the law?

BalletBob · 05/01/2024 20:49

DragonFly98 · 05/01/2024 20:34

You thread is title is really offensive calling a child a BPD minor. Under 18's aren't diagnosed with BPD and even if someone was you don't refer to them in that way.

OP is going through something most of us could only imagine. She doesn't need you policing her language. She's clearly extremely hurt, bewildered, devastated and scared for her kids.

Go and virtue signal elsewhere.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 05/01/2024 20:50

He’s an odious creep so no loss there, I’m sure her mother is happy as that means she doesn’t need to deal with her daughter. It’s vomit inducing.

As for her contacting you through SM, the police will be able to track her as my friend was accused of something (clearly wasn’t her) and the police tracked down who it was sending messages.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 05/01/2024 20:50

Authorities are involved - because he started a relationship with a child
I'm not sure why but he has been interviewed by the police multiple times even stopped at the airport for potential child grooming - because he started a relationship with a child
I find it hard to believe he is a predator myself - he started a relationship with a child
I think he loves her or why would do all this for her - he gets his kicks out of starting a relationship with a child
He lives with her and her mum 2 hours away in the countryside. She goes to school. He goes to work. Neighbour's probably think he's in a relationship with her mother because normal people don't start relationships with children.

AllstarFacilier · 05/01/2024 20:50

She’s a child, so she’s going to do childish things like obsess over her current bf’s ex. I’d distance myself from him (and her) as much as you can and thank your lucky stars you’re no longer with a peadophile.

AllstarFacilier · 05/01/2024 20:54

What does his mum make of it if she’s writing to you?

diddl · 05/01/2024 20:58

Waitingfordoggo · 05/01/2024 20:15

And I wouldn't call the Police again. It just feeds the drama for her.

I took that to mean that OP was concerned for the safety of the child (now legal adult) that he has groomed.

She is still only 16-not an adult yet!

BalletBob · 05/01/2024 20:58

You're still reeling from the shock, OP. In time I'm positive you will see him clearly for what he is: a sexual predator. He is engaged in a sexual relationship with a very vulnerable child, whose mother has given him the legal right to exploit her child. It beggars belief that a parent could have the right, in law, to allow a sexual predator to use and abuse their child in this way but we all know that the law is an ass. Your ex and the mother of this girl are evil and are perpetrating/facilitating the sexual abuse of a child. They should both be in prison.

I would be doing all in my power to prevent this man from having any contact with my children. Have you sought legal advice? This is very important.

In terms of getting your children through the ordeal, it sounds like you are seeking support from school which is great. Just keep focusing on your kids and pouring all your love into them. Their dad is a waste of oxygen but they can thrive and be happy, healthy kids without him. It will take time but these very dark days will pass.

Drinkinggreentea · 05/01/2024 20:59

Your ex is a creep and you should thank your lucky stars he's not seeing the children as she sounds unhinged and he might be a pedo.

He's not getting away with all the pain he's caused. He's in an awful toxic relationship that sounds hellish from what you've described. He'll really suffer from his choices. Best to keep well away from this sh!tshow so it doesn't impact the kids. No point forcing him to have a relationship with them in these circumstances if he doesn't want it.

Dynamoat · 05/01/2024 21:00

not the creepy type

pretty sure a 31 year old grooming a 15 year old is the very definition of 'the creepy type'

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 05/01/2024 21:00

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 05/01/2024 20:50

Authorities are involved - because he started a relationship with a child
I'm not sure why but he has been interviewed by the police multiple times even stopped at the airport for potential child grooming - because he started a relationship with a child
I find it hard to believe he is a predator myself - he started a relationship with a child
I think he loves her or why would do all this for her - he gets his kicks out of starting a relationship with a child
He lives with her and her mum 2 hours away in the countryside. She goes to school. He goes to work. Neighbour's probably think he's in a relationship with her mother because normal people don't start relationships with children.

it is so wrong but he has gotten away with it. It even feels unjust. How bold he is absolutely shocks me. People who do these type of things would usually try to hide it? He has moved in with her and her mum.... feels crazy.

OP posts:
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