Leaving a child out for not being biologically related

[Tigerstripy]

Without delving too far into backgrounds, (very long and stressful to explain) if you requested photo gifts of your grandchildren would you want step children not biologically related to you included?
If your grandchildren had step siblings via marriage for example, or would you only want your biological grandchildren in the photos?
Assuming everyone is close and accepts the stepchildren, buys them xmas and bday gifts, spends time with them etc.
Would you be angered if your child was left out because they wasn’t biologically part of the family?
Trying to gauge social expectations before raising the subject. Thanks.

If my mum requested photo gifts of her grandchildren then i would include my DSD in those; if my mum said she didn’t want that then she’d get a pretty abrupt response and there wouldn’t be any more photo gifts. The emotional wellbeing of my DSD is more important than my mums preference.

You need to ask the proposed recipients and go along with their preference

Get someone neutral to ask the question as neutrally as possible.

And consider having at least one shot of descendants only (no spouses or steps)

The emotional wellbeing of my DSD is more important than my mums preference.

I agree.

It would be great if every child was treated equally blood or not but we don't live in an ideal world, this is what can happen when people keep on adding children because of getting with partners with children

Not everyone will accept them, it is a choice parents make or partners

Personally I'd do a selection. One with biological grandkids, then one with all children, then a mix of older kids and younger etc. Don't make it a big deal, have a range of pics.

Is this the same poster who has posted a few times about this?

I'd say unless the SCs have been in the GPs lives for many years since they were very small, then it's not unreasonable for the GPs to only expect their bio GCs to be in the photos.

Personally no I would just want one of my biological grandchildren

I think it depends how long they have been in the grandparents lives, and custody arrangements.

My cousin’s second marriage came with 5 stepchildren, the oldest was 19, the youngest 11. Her parents don’t regard those children as their grandchildren because they didn’t have a relationship with them growing up, although they have a great relationship with them all and buy gifts etc.

My friend married someone with 1 child under 4yo, and her parents regard that child as one of their grandchildren because they’ve had a close relationship from the early years and the child lives with my friend most of the time.

Another friend has stepchildren overnight every other weekend, and her parents don’t see them as their grandchild because they see them maybe once a year, so no real relationship.

Blended families get complicated by lots of factors.

I would assume all grandchildren included (bio and step) based on my own family experience. But all families are different. Maybe depends on things like age and how long the child has been part of the picture.

I was wondering this too (the long stressful background being strained relationships with siblings and IIRC - and if it's the same poster - especially SIL)

Surely it depends how long the children have been in their lives, and if they have a close relationship? As pp said, send a mix

If you think it’s going to cause any issues at all then don’t do it. Honestly. Really isn’t worth the stress.

I'd want photos of them all. Bonus Grandchildren are a gift.

It's too vague and there are too many variables. But if the SGC are fully integrated, and treated like grandchildren, then yes, it would be pretty harsh for them to be excluded. But it really depends on the relationship between the SGC and the grandparents.

I would include step children as technically you have taken them on as your own

It would completely depend on ages/how long they have been a blended family I think. If the non biological kids are teens probably less important to send a bauble hand print from them too?

There no single, or simple answer to this question.
Every family is different, the circumstances of the 'blending' will vary enormously and the circumstances of each step dc will vary enormously.
In one situation, differentiating between stepdc and bio dc could be deeply hurtful, but in others it makes no difference at all.

I think it's often very difficult for the parents to accept that extended family may not feel exactly the way they do about step dc.

My own dd had no expectations from her dsm's family because she had all my family as well as her df's family. And that's despite her dsm being in her life since she was a year old.

I'd want only pics of my bio GC supposing they split and you never see them again? Then you've forever got their exes kids in all your photos.

On another note if dh and I split, I wouldn't want pictures of my kids on a strangers mantle piece especially if they were under some illusion that they were their grandchildren.

Depends on how old the kids are and how long they've been in their GPs lives surely. If teens and have only been around for a year or two they may think it's weird themselves if included. If it's little kids they would probably feel missed out and rejected if they aren't included.

Thanks everyone sorry to be vague. I haven’t posted this before. I have a DD11 from previous relationship, DP has DD8 and we have DD1 together. His family all want copies of our professional photos for Christmas, but just SDD8 and DD1. It’s fine they don’t want my DD included as she isn’t their biological relative and I’ve never forced her on them, but they have been in her life for 7 years and she sees them as family as they claimed they do her. They send her bday and Xmas gifts, she’s even had a granddaughter bday card, but suddenly she’s not good enough to hang on their wall in photos with her sisters. I won’t make a fuss, I just wanted to see the general views on how others handle this.

To me grandchildren would mean bio only.
I wouldn’t want photos of other children on my mantle!

This. They have their own grandparents surely? I find enforced blending and expecting everyone to treat unrelated people as their own blood to be quite tiresome tbh but then it was inflicted on me

I think children of broken families work it out early that they don’t have a simple 1 set of parents and 2 sets of grandparents! They probably wouldn’t be calling you ‘grandma’ either!

If the child sees you as their grandma then I would include (but I think that is unlikely!)

I wouldn’t either sorry you did ask for honest opinions though 🫣