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Parenting

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Original poster

2 year old has been hitting me for over a year now

39 replies

August21yellowbaby · 21/11/2023 18:16

My son started smacking me when he got to about 14 months
He's not 2 years 4 months and he's still doing it
I've tried ignoring it
I've tried firmly saying no
I've tried putting him down and walking away but nothing is helping

He mostly does it when I'm holding him, like when I pick him up from nursery he will run over and I'll pick him up and talk to his teacher for a minute but he will always slap me hard infront of everyone
He does it if I pick him up in the supermarket cause he's running off
Sometimes I will be cuddling him and he will smack me

I'm getting really irritated by it now, I've called it a phase for too long now, nursery have said he has started doing it there now as well so it needs to stop

Any tips ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NuffSaidSam · 26/11/2023 11:13

Naptrappedmummy · 26/11/2023 10:00

Solve each of these problems and avoid him needing/wanting to hit will be more effective than just punishing him after he's hit you.

But that doesn’t teach not to hit which is the key issue here. It teaches that if you hit your victim should stop doing whatever it is that made you hit them.

This would be true for an older child.

Not a toddler who is hitting because he doesn't have the self control/emotional regulation to express himself better.

He isn't consciously thinking 'Fucking hell! Mum's taking ages talking to the nursery staff, I'll give her a smack round the face, that'll teach her'. It's just instinct. He can't control it. If he could all the various tellings off/being put down would work.

Intercept before it happens. Break the cycle.

Naptrappedmummy · 26/11/2023 11:41

I think all the more reason to nip it in the bud. He simply needs to realise if he hits something unpleasant will happen. Op can’t go down the route of avoiding triggers because he is also hitting at nursery and you can’t force the other children to act in a certain way so he doesn’t hit them. It’s been going on a long time and is now an ingrained behaviour which needs a stronger solution. Like the previous poster said it’s not the first route of discipline it should be the last. But I think op has reached that point now.

HaveYouTriedListening · 26/11/2023 11:43

When he does it, get hold of his hand and shout "No". He obviously doesn't take you seriously when you tell him off.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

SeulementUneFois · 26/11/2023 11:44

Sethos · 26/11/2023 09:13

You will get flamed, no doubt, but I actually agree.

My daughter was a hitter, and when all the usual methods to deal with it hadn’t worked (during the twos) I eventually (she was three by this stage, and had more understanding of what I was telling her) resorted to sitting her down one day and telling her that when you hit somebody, you have to expect that they will hit you back, and that it she kept hitting me, I would henceforth hit her back. And I did - if she hit me or was about to, I’d give her a warning “if you hit me, I will hit you back”… if she then hit me/ hit me again, I would smack her hand or leg, and follow up up “if you hit someone, you can expect them to hit you back”. After a few times, she’d raise her hand and pause, and you could see her considering it as I gave her ‘the look ’, and then she’d lower her hand.

There is nobody in life that I’ll put up with hurting me physically.

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This OP.

GameOverBoys · 26/11/2023 11:47

I would shout ‘no’ loud enough to give him a scare. He isn’t taking you seriously.

sushiburger · 26/11/2023 11:51

Don't smack him back! Whoever said that should be arrested.

I'm little one was like this. What helped was me giving her lots of attention when she was behaving well.

Stressosaur · 26/11/2023 12:21

Don't smack back... I did once years ago and not hard at my wits end on stupid advice like that and was hit back harder. It didn't help whatsoever, just created a more determined hitter and a mum who's felt guilt ever since

You don't know sometimes at the age you have if there's something more going on, was for us but wasn't evident then and became obvious as he got older

Distraction is pretty helpful... and we have a patient cat now who has taught importance of being gentle with others (cat was only homed by us after many 'how to care for a cat' videos and books and a cuddly cat we practiced with first 😅

I made my own social stories too tailored to things he needed to grasp - irrelevant to if your child happens to have anything more going on, sometimes education is a more valuable response than punishment and reward

An under 3 year old probably hits to express something- educate them on ways to communicate that expression that are acceptable and respond when they use those things instead is my advice

PurplePansy05 · 26/11/2023 17:39

August21yellowbaby · 21/11/2023 18:16

I'm getting really irritated by it now, I've called it a phase for too long now, nursery have said he has started doing it there now as well so it needs to stop

Any tips ?

My son is the same age as yours and we have no hitting here. I was wondering if this is because of who he is or thanks to something we've done and I honestly don't know. He is assertive, strong willed and tantrums like a classy nearly 2.5 yo (which is driving us mad at times). But he isn't physically aggressive, no hitting, biting, kicking etc. Occasionally he throws a toy or a book or tries to push me away, but gently. He's always corrected on this behaviour and I make him pick everything up and put it away or I say "we do not push away please, you can just say 'no'", firmly. I respect his 'no' because I want him to use it and know the power of this word too.

In terms of what we did, we introduced "kind hands" talk very early on and consistently remind him of kind hands.

We have pets that he loves and we've been teaching him a lot about being gentle with them and respecting their space.

He has a lot of cheering and positive feedback from us for gentle and kind behaviours.

I know some toddlers in his nursery bite other children, but it's rare and the nursery is very hot on educating all of them. DS was never bit by anyone there, I suspect he wouldn't allow that himself tbh.

PurplePansy05 · 26/11/2023 17:41

Also, he is very physically active every day and mentally stimulated, do you want to look into how much activity he's getting, is he under or overstimulated?

Is he copying someone else's behaviour, another child or adult?

NoNonsenseMom · 03/04/2024 14:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

sunshinedaisies00 · 01/05/2025 20:46

@August21yellowbabythis is a very old thread, but im having the exact same issue you were! Please tell me you resolved it?!

AimsB · 01/01/2026 11:26

AimsB · 01/01/2026 11:28

AimsB · 01/01/2026 11:29

sunshinedaisies00 · 01/05/2025 20:46

@August21yellowbabythis is a very old thread, but im having the exact same issue you were! Please tell me you resolved it?!

Hello! We're having he same problem and have found the only thing that shows significant difference is cutting out TV time. A lot of other parents on Reddit said the same. I think certain kids must just be too sensitive to TV time and it makes them too overwhelmed. We noticed a huge difference last time we cut it down to only on weekends and it's become far worse recently, since he let it slide over Christmas. We're going cold turkey now and fingers crossed it should work again 🤞

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