DP has ended things but I want my baby, just how hard will this be?

[doesitgetbetterr]

It’s non negotiable for me to have our baby, I’m already 18 weeks. He has left me saying he’s not ready to be a dad and he was wrong to think he was. He’s 37!! I feel totally betrayed. The last thing he said was if I continue the pregnancy that’s my choice and he will pay what he has to but ‘can’t be a dad.’

I know I want my baby but I’m scared. How hard will this be on my own? I have zero family support practically although my mum has kindly gifted me 2k towards all baby bits which has taken off some stress. I have my own small home with a mortgage. Obviously DP has moved out. Sometimes I think what am I doing? I read on here how hard parents find it on their own. Is the first year going to be hardest? How can I best prepare for life in this situation? I expect my chances of meeting anyone new are small at 36 with a baby so I’m planning on life just me for the foreseeable. It feels so daunting.

If you continue the pregnancy? You're 18 weeks there's no going back now.

You'll be fine, you don't have a deadbeat weighing you down anymore. Yes babies can be hard, but just prepare yourself as much as you can you've got this op.

She has choices for at least five weeks, whether you approve or not. Good luck with everything OP.

It will be magical. The best decision you've ever made.

Honestly OP the first few months will be hard but you will get through this and things will get easier.

If he says he'll support you financially (and you believe that he can/will), then that will help. Millions of women bring DC up alone OP and there is no reason why you can't be one of them.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Just be aware that your ex may change his mind and leave again many, many times!! These sort always do. Stay firm. It's you and your baby against the world. Yes it's hard work. No one can tell you what to do in this situation xx

Ah you poor thing. You will be absolutely fine. Honestly you’re better off without a dad who doesn’t really want to be there so think of it as one less thing to worry about. I completely appreciate how daunting this must feel but many many women have managed this (raising a baby on their own) before and so will you. It won’t always be easy but you and baby will find a rhythm that suits you both and have a fantastic bond. When I was pregnant with my eldest a friend said to me that the good times outweigh all the difficult ones and she was so right.

He doesn't get to decide what happens with the pregnancy at all. If you want a baby, then given your age, it's this baby.

Have you ran through some practical stuff like costs of childcare, maternity pay, benefit calculators etc? At least then you can plan.

A fantastic childminder, when you return to work, can be a great asset as you will meet the other parents she has on her books and get to know them. Also, toddler groups and baby classes are great places to meet other mums, some of which will have little to no local support too, so you can support each other.

Obviously there's options for you, and you may prefer to not continue the pregnancy (it will link you to this man forever in some way). But if you want a baby, I suspect you would regret not continuing

You are stronger than you know..children bring that out in us. You may not think that and it’s terrifying but so exciting. You want to have your baby, there’s you focus..He’s a manchild, you almost ended up with 2 kids there..😊

This must feel daunting and scary but you absolutely can do it! And in years to come you'll look back and realise it was the best thing you ever did!

It doesn't sound as if he would be much use anyway and if you want a child at some point now is as good a time as any. Do you think his parents will be willing to be involved still? It will be hard but very often men seem to passively opt out of family life, so possibly better to know now.

I am a single parent, I didn’t leave and become a single parent until my daughter was 2, but it’s the best thing I’ve done. Obviously my circumstances are different to yours but your baba will idolise you, they will love you unconditionally, it won’t be easy no but it will absolutely be worth it. Download the peanut app, it’s almost like tinder for mums! To meet other people in similar situations, even if you don’t meet and make friends sometimes just hearing you’re not alone is enough! Financially double check what you’re entitled too, healthy start after 29 weeks, the sure start grant, UC etc. also when you’re coming to look for childcare depending on your income you may get help with this. It is much better for your child to have one great, loving caring parent than 2 but one isn’t reliable, wanting etc.

If you ever want to message me for advice, to vent etc I would welcome that!

and also congratulations on your pregnancy! xx

When my son was about eight months old I met a mum in a stay-and-play with a newborn. She was a single mum and we talked for ages about all the children’s activities around (her baby was newborn so she didn’t know many) etc etc.

Anyway our children are nearly ten, we stayed great friends. I’m not saying everything was really easy - nothing ever is - but she and her daughter have the most gorgeous bond and life.

When she was ready to go back to work, her daughter went to a childminder, it meant she could work part time.

Also in our group of friends we all did babysitting swaps, because we live in London and often people don’t have family around.

Good luck, op. You can do this.

You don't need him, you're everything your baby needs.

Do you have decent maternity pay etc with work?

2k is a really decent chunk, no need to get expensive new stuff.

You'll be so happy when you see your baby's face. You got this!

Save as much £ as you can now, ( some of the 2k? )Tiny babies don’t have to cost a lot and you will be having to pay for nursery /nanny.

You”ll be fine, women have been having babies since year one. Enjoy your baby.

Get everything you need off Facebook and give it a really good clean, just as good as new but a fraction of the price, that 2k could see you through for years if you let it!

Practically it will be a little harder than 'normal' because it's only you doing everything but a lot of women find they do 90% of everything when their DP goes back to work anyway so you're not that much worse off. Of course you're 100ish lbs lighter of dead weight! You'll find the house is cleaner, there's not so much washing up and laundry to do etc.

It won't break you unless you let it. Hundreds of thousands of women raise children solo every day. I did it for a year and then met me DP. Don't write yourself off meeting someone else either. I was 30 with a 2 year old when I met DP, we've been together 3 years with an 8 month old together ❤️ there are good men out there, you were unfortunate, that's on him not you!

Enjoy your baby and make sure he pays everything he should for the baby. Take care 💐

It's a rubbish situation, but you are neither the first or last woman to be in it. Your baby will be fine because they are loved. You have a place to live and a job, which is good. Don't consider finding someone for a relationship now, give yourself time to be a mum instead. He may change his mind and want to be involved in his child's life, or he may not.

Also echoing the don't buy new, the baby just vomits and shits all over it. Discuss with your ex child maintenance, try to have an understanding before the baby arrives. And save save! Look the money section on here to get some ideas of what to do.

How fucking presumptuous could he possibly get?
Not wanting to go through a termination (especially of a wanted baby!) because you’re already 18weeks along is very normal. I don’t disapprove of the UK’s cut off point being 23weeks/‘viability’ for many reasons but that does not change the fact that by 18weeks as the mother you have an awareness of the growing baby and may well have a bump and are feeling movement by now. Presuming that your partner would seriously consider abortion because you’ve decided you’re a coward who can’t possibly be a father at thirty-fucking-seven makes you a misogynistic pug as far as I’m concerned. It’s bad enough when men assume abortion is a choice their partner would easily make when a pregnancy is unplanned, unwanted and discovered early. 18weeks in is a different fucking conversation.

Thousands of us manage you will too I've had zero support and worked full time friends I didn't even know I had showed up when I needed sometimes they didn't and I took the hit I ran my own business for awhile too I won't lie and say its easy because it really isn't but it's worthwhile

It’s tough and exhausting but you can do this and it will be more enjoyable just you and your baby without the workload of a disappointing man child .
Reserve as much money as you can , babies don’t need brand new , attend ( free if possible ) baby groups in your area for chat and support and hopefully make friends with other mums .
Come into mumsnet and seek advice - that’s what it was launched for .

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.

It will be difficult if you don’t have any family support. I know three lone parents with a bit of family support but none without any. And of those three they either don’t work or homeschool so they have plenty of opportunity during the day to socialize and meet people.

Without any family support it can be very isolating as you just can’t go out. Friends tend to drift away if you are not able to socialize with them. Unless you are lucky enough to have a friend who would love to be Auntie to your baby. I personally find I need to see people weekly or at least fortnightly to build a sense of meaningful social connection.

You will need to prioritize meeting mothers in a similar situation to you. Most coupled mothers are not free at weekends as that is ‘family time’. So you are looking for single parents or unhappily married women looking to escape their partners at weekends. As pp said, childminding circles may help but you need to be realistic about how often you can call on support.

Good luck OP.

It'll be easier without him around that's for sure. 💐

Much better off without such a loser around you and your beautiful tot. Congrats. You will be ok. I think save money, buy second hand everything, shop online for bulk deals for nappies, get friends and family around you to help just so you can sleep in the first month or two. X