DP has ended things but I want my baby, just how hard will this be?

[doesitgetbetterr]

It’s non negotiable for me to have our baby, I’m already 18 weeks. He has left me saying he’s not ready to be a dad and he was wrong to think he was. He’s 37!! I feel totally betrayed. The last thing he said was if I continue the pregnancy that’s my choice and he will pay what he has to but ‘can’t be a dad.’

I know I want my baby but I’m scared. How hard will this be on my own? I have zero family support practically although my mum has kindly gifted me 2k towards all baby bits which has taken off some stress. I have my own small home with a mortgage. Obviously DP has moved out. Sometimes I think what am I doing? I read on here how hard parents find it on their own. Is the first year going to be hardest? How can I best prepare for life in this situation? I expect my chances of meeting anyone new are small at 36 with a baby so I’m planning on life just me for the foreseeable. It feels so daunting.

I've been a single mother from the start. You won't know any different, it'll be your normal, and quite frankly some of the NCT mums had husbands who were worse than useless. And on the bright side, atleast nobody will be pestering you for sex when you're sleep deprived and bleeding. You'll need to get paid childcare for work and utilise your right to unpaid parental leave at times when your little one is ill.

I'd honestly rather do it alone than with someone who made my life harder. You can do it. Make friends with people having babies at the same time, you'll be very glad of the support. Get organised. There will be many hard days, but it will be so worth it. Good luck. X

As for assumptions OP, I've had people i dont know well assume my DC was the result of a one night stand. I know it's not the case and so does my DC.

Having your own baby is worth 10 good men.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy and no doubt it will be hard, but it will also be lovely.

Just from what I remember:

• get a good support network around you. In some areas good childminders/ nurseries have a waiting list.
• Join groups after baby is born - build friendships with other mums/dads etc
• Gingerbread is a good forum for support but also your health visitor will know of groups/ free things to do.
• we had a small babysitter group whereby if one of us needed to go to the drs for 30 mins they could ask for some support (not when babies where tiny but robust 3/4/5 yo onwards.
• Check your work policies what are you entitled too in terms of leave/ money. What about sick leave when DC is ill.
• Check your benefit entitlement- get everything sorted so you can claim asap.
• Start to save now so you have a little emergency fund.
• Bulk buy nappies, wipes etc so that if you don’t want to leave the house for a week post birth you don’t have too.
• Home shop get a couple ordered so you don’t gave to worry about getting food - batch cook and freeze - then its ready to go in minutes. Food is do important post birth especially if you are breastfeeding.
• Get your house sorted a few weeks before - get stuff set up so you are ready.

Take care x

What sort of work do you do? Some jobs are easier than others to work childcare around. If you have a supportive workplace (and with 5 months full pay that sounds positive) then stay in it at all costs! The suggestions about setting up as a childminder may work for you, but if you have an established career then you're probably better staying in it.

Why won't it be?

I'm not saying it definitely will be but I find my life pretty magical.

When I was considering this someone on here told me that “parenting alone is easier than parenting with a twat”. Looking at my life now and that of some of my partnered up friends, I can say they were right!

Nonsense.

Better off without him dragging you down!
You will be fine, first few months will be hard but you will learn and adjust 🙂. I wish I had read some baby books before my daughter arrived as prep and purchased more items (such as a baby carrier - this will be your best friend to get things done around the house with baby). With your ex - can you look into getting him set up with child support payments? His loss if he doesn't want to be involved although I wager give it a couple of years he will resurface wanting visitation once he sees some cute pictures of Ur toddler. Good luck xx

Op the feelings of shame etc I went through too. The only person that should be ashamed is him. I felt the same wished I knew another single pregnant woman as constantly everyone talks about 'your partner' this and that. Do you follow Laura Anderson on Instagram? She's a good example of a great one.

You also never know he might decide to get back in contact which will be very unfair on you but I'd make sure for your baby's sake he knows that the door is open. Even though it's so unfair!

will everyone think I’m some evil woman whose partner left her pregnant? I feel shame and anger and I’m so confused too.

No, they'll think "fucking hell, how many shitty men are there?"

It's a horrible situation to be in and it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. Just work on getting some support around you. You'll always be able to get advice here when things get too much.

Hi, haven't read through it all but the posts mentioning the hard work are only half the story. It will also (hopefully) be so much joy and love. I was a single mum, it's all doable. It is hard at times but you have time to prep and plan. Wishing you an amazing time! Don't put DP on birth certificate x

I think every way of bringing up children has its difficulties. To be honest I sometimes think the most difficult and stressful part for me is reconciling the different approaches and expectations that me and DH have towards the children and parenting. Obviously it's easy for me to say this without having had to actually do it but I feel like being free of that could make things easier sometimes! Just doing it my own way.