Child running off after swimming

[Vvvvvvvvvvv]

When I’m half in and half out of my clothes … it’s so dangerous as obviously there’s a pool and it’s wet and slippy. It’s really stressing me out and none of the other kids seem to do it. Help!

I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated today.
This is not your fault.

How does your little boy behave with his dad?

@TheShellBeach

What happens is he’ll eat a tiny amount, two or three mouthfuls, then move on. It must sort of quell any hunger but isn’t enough, not even close to enough.

So if I was not to feed him I’d have

wasted food

have to rely on snacks OR have him be hungry, which affects sleep, which affects behaviour and which affects me

Meals take for fucking ever.

Make an appointment with your GP or HV and talk to them about the troubles you are having with his behaviour. Be totally open and honest.

Make a GP appointment for yourself and talk about why you don’t feel like you’re in a good place. Get some support.

And stop trying to match up to all the ‘shoulds’ in your head. The advice above about asking ‘can he?’ and planning on that basis is excellent. It is good parenting to just recognise that he won’t be safe poolside and take the dressing issue elsewhere.

You might find that, if you take him away from the distractions poolside, he will happily sit and eat a snack while you get dressed yourself.

If you try approaching things in this way, you may find that you start to recognise all
the things that you can and are doing. And that the list grows because you know how to pre-empt many issues.

Same with dad

You're being very defeatist. If this was mine (and mine was like this!) I would...

1. Ask another mum to keep an eye whilst I change. I used to tag team with another mum. We'd sort the kids, she'd change whilst I watched them, then I changed whilst she watched them. Quick clothes - bra, pants, dress on over the top.

1. Use reins. Either tie them to/loop around something fixed or stand on them.

1. Speak to the teacher/pool owner. Ask if a kiddy pen/travel cot can be used (most pools I've been to have one of these!)

I have a 3 year old. There’s no way I would take him swimming alone. All pools here are no shoes, no prams etc inside so I have to leave outside. I only take him on weekends when dh is with us so we can tag team.

Mine doesn’t sleep either or eat anything cooked.. Also has been able to undo things like reins, car seats, prams since about 18 months. Cant be contained. Suggestion above of a playpen would be laughable to stop him, they are only a metre high.

The main things that entertain him are things that wear of energy in vast areas away from roads where he has space. I take him on his running bike most days in the woods, or the local bike park. Or regular parks to climb in. Also, we have indoor climbing wall nearby, it’s supposed to be 4+ years but Ds joined last winter at 2.5 and climbs a good hour, it’s brilliant as he tied into wall harness so can’t escape!

Asking another mum wouldn’t work because they have their own child to tend to and get dressed themselves. I’m not being defeatist but while some children are easier than others everyone finds it a bit of a struggle.

Tying him to me or something else is going ti get us both dragged round leads to a meltdown and if it’s meant to be an enjoyable activity then that sort of renders it a bit pointless.

Thanks @Caspianberg similar. Just increasingly feeling like I can’t cope!

I would keep him in the high chair till he'd eaten.
I know you say he can get out, but you can buy reins which will keep him in.

Yes, he'll have a tantrum, but you could just say to him, okay, this is your lunch. I know you can feed yourself.

And leave him to it.

He would be less likely to do it again if you were firm

And if be doesn't eat, don't give him snacks!

@StopLickingTheDog - a travel cot won’t contain a 3 year old! Most actually say they are for 0-24 months max anyway ( probably due to this). Ds climbed out his babybjorn travel cot around 10 months when we were trying to contain him watching us whilst dh and I painted hallway, just leant up and over.

OP I'm autistic and so are two of my four DC.

It isn't the terrible thing you fear, honestly.

Don't dismiss the possibility. Ask your HV to assess your son.

@TheShellBeach i appreciate your opinion but no. High chairs I have to strap him down into would turn mealtimes into a stressful and unpleasant experience and I feel that’s something everyone should avoid. I don’t want to give snacks as a substitute for healthy, home cooked food but equally a hungry DS is not good. Feeding him is very much ‘lesser of two (or three) evils.’ I am sure he will grow out of it but much better he has good food and eats well. I know you think if I don’t feed him he’ll get hungry and eat himself. He doesn’t.

@TheShellBeach - I cannot imagine my 3 year old in a high chair still with straps. I mean he has Tripp trapp still but it’s been in toddler mode since around 18 months. As he could already undo the official stokke Tripp trapp harness and climb out so it was lethal. They don’t use high chairs at nursery for 18+ months onwards either.

I would honest just stop swimming lessons right now. Start again when he’s 4 in a years time. Just go swimming the next year when you have someone with you

What's the issue with feeding him? Just feed him? My 3.5 still wants feeding occasionally and is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

You are being extremely hard on yourself here.

You are not a failure if you need to find a different way to change after swimming. In fact, you’re probably so busy focusing on your own troubles that you simply haven’t noticed everyone else’s workarounds and issues.

Do you drive to the pool?

If so then the best idea is almost certainly to put dry robes and crocs on both of you, get straight in the car and sort out the rest when you get home.

Loads of parents at DS’s swimming class put their child in a dry robe or onesie and take them home to get properly sorted out. I’m unusual for showering DS at the pool (I don’t have a car though, and DS likes going to the cafe afterwards).

Indeed, if you start opting out of the poolside changing, you will probably find loads of other people consider it a great idea and do the same.

But do call your GP on Monday and make an appointment to talk this stuff through.

You sound really ground down by it all OP. Have you got someone in real life you can have a chat to about it today?
This isn’t a failing of you or your parenting, some kids are just harder in some ways (I’ve got 2 ND kids, one sounds just like yours. Thankfully the other one is more chilled in that aspect!)

Omg I forgot this stage!!! I used to get child sorted first but no patience for me... In end I just threw jumper over the top and sorted myself out at home.

Op this sounds exact like my son. He does have asd and more than likely adhd and I'm NOT suggesting your son also has them but I'm empathising with your situation. My son also couldn't stay still or be bribed or any of the things that work with most children. I'd say give the swimming a break and then find another pool that works better for you. You are probably dreading the swimming sessions now so in reality neither of you are actually enjoying it. He is very young you'd be shocked at the difference six or twelve months will make to his behavior.

You are being very hard on yourself OP. 3 year olds can be little shits, especially in highly stimulating places. For a start why the heck aren't there changing rooms? I don't know a single pool/gym without them! Could you go swimming elsewhere? Or go with a friend and their kid and take turns to mind them while the other changes?
Where is Dad in all this? Could he help you in some way. Your kid behaves at nursery so he is trying it on with you.

You are trying to do something in very hard circumstances. I would suggest either changing swimming lessons to a pool with cubicles or going at a different time when another adult can come along too. Don’t beat yourself up, it sounds mad there is nowhere safe to put the kids whilst adults change.

I had a runner and also used a private pool at that age.

I did this. Sat him in a corner firmly wrapped up with snack and comic and stood over him whilst I hastily dressed.

Dress yourself first.

This worked.

Have you tried a kinder egg after swimming. That takes mine a few mins to unwrap, eat and then mess around with what the toy is? If he’s wrapped in towel and given egg, might give you a few mins to get yourself changed first

Agreed you're being hard on yourself. It's really tricky but it is for everyone with a child like that! I didn't realise how much it was the child until I had others and they're were infinitely easier.

Could you do another special activity with him instead? Maybe something like a soft play with only one exit?

Honestly he sounds just like mine - I was actually banned from baby yoga 😂 mine has got ADHD/ASD (not saying yours has or that it was the ultimate cause of mine being a complete knob) and all the suggestions of a toy or snack etc I know wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference.

Don't feel bad. I spent years feeling like I was the shit parent it's honestly just a different type of child and they're bloody hard work - I soon realised (and still do) that it's not worth putting yourself in the position. You need to swim somewhere you can lock him in a cubicle with you.

My DS was very hard work around that age. He’d definitely run off, and had no safety awareness etc. It was exhausting.

Not quite the same situation, but we used to go swimming at the public pool (lived in a hot country) most afternoons when he was that age and DD was 1. Thankfully I could take the buggy in with me though which helped a lot, but I’d put DD in the buggy and then literally just wrap a towel round myself and DS and leave. Bit easier in hot weather though. Then we’d get bathed and changed and all that at home.

Just take an extra towel for him to sit on in the car