Child running off after swimming

[Vvvvvvvvvvv]

When I’m half in and half out of my clothes … it’s so dangerous as obviously there’s a pool and it’s wet and slippy. It’s really stressing me out and none of the other kids seem to do it. Help!

How does wrapping him in a towel stop him running off though? That looks rude written down, it’s a genuine question though!

He’s 2. Complex discussions and bribery will likely go over his head. Keep reminding yourself that negotiating with tiny terrorists gets you nowhere.

Stick one of those hooded ponchos on him. Pull a dry robe on yourself. Pick up your stuff and leave the poolside.

The building must have a lockable toilet. Change there instead!

If you and he enjoy the actual lesson, keep going. But just entirely skip the wrangling a toddler on poolside bit.

That is always the case with ND children.
They are fine at nursery etc but melt down at home.

I'm sure it isn't your parenting! You're being terribly hard on yourself.

I do stay calm on the surface but it’s the sheer length of them. It would be fine if I felt he was learning anything but I just feel like he goes beyond that, it isn’t a bit of temper,’it seems more intense somehow.

It lets you leave the situation and relocate the dressing somewhere safer.

@Vvvvvvvvvvv
Much experience of poolside toddler wrangling here.
Make sure you are wearing very easy clothes - t shirt, joggers and crocs for ex.
When you come out of the pool, wrap DC tightly in dry robe/ dressing gown/hooded towel and sit them in chair with toy/snack.
You stand in front of them and talk continuously to them while getting dressed swiftly.
Then dress toddler and decamp to car seat/buggy where you can brush your hair!

Also change buggy/car seat buckles NOW for ones he can’t open.

It can be really really tough having a child, I can absolutely empathise. However, whilst swimming is a skill you’d want your child to have, he’s still very little so doesn’t need to go to swimming lessons at all. If you want to take him swimming, find a local pool and go with a friend to join forces. They will have better facilities for changing - I think changing poolside is awful anyway! Your dc will grow up, his needs will change. Do what you can manage and don’t feel bad about it.

Thanks. Just feeling like what I can manage is nothing, and it’s making me sad. Swimming was kind of the last thing and I’ve been doing lessons since he was a baby. I don’t think I’m in a very good place but I’m not sure what to do about it.

It's a safety issue. Speak to the people at the pool I'm sure they will let you. How do mothers with more than one child manage or those with babies?

I actually think the issue is beyond swimming.

What's he like at home? Does as he is told (within reason for a 3 year old!) and what's the consequences when he doesn't? That's where I would start. I would knock swimming on the head for now or at least swimming at this pool. It doesn't sounds enjoyable. Find a pool that has cubicles. Dry robe type affair. Snack. Phone. You get dressed then dress him. In a locked cubicle. You stand near door he sits/stands near bench.

I think you need to work on actions and consequences at home and then can employ them when out. Do you do time out? Naughty step? Removal of items? What is it you do at home as consequences to unwanted behaviour and then go from there.

3 is so bloody tricky and tiring! I hear you. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old.

Invest in a houdini harness

I have a child with adhd and I have been in a lot of situations where my child was the highest energy in the room.

My advice is to stop thinking “he should be able to “ and instead start thinking “can he?”

Can he be safe by the pool while you change? No. The whys / tips / suggestions etc don’t feel helpful because you know that he can’t be safe by the pool whilst you change. Trust your own instincts more - you know the answer to that question.

So, starting from that place solutions are relatively easy. Stop going or don’t change (eg dry robe idea) or change somewhere else (eg toilet cubicle). There is no solution where he will magically be safe by the pool whilst you change if you know that he isn’t.

I hope that sounds helpful rather than harsh. I do totally get it x

Op sorry I haven't read the full thread but are there any sen? Autism perhaps? Sounds like he his having meltdown rather than tantrums and enjoying the cartoon effect which is you telling him off and exaggerated words and faces etc. feel free to message me privately to chat if you want to. Sending hugs.

@clpsmum I have thank you

he doesn’t really respond to any consequences or anything … it’s just so hard.

@Vvvvvvvvvvv I have two sons with autism. He sounds very similar to one of them. That's not to say that is what it is though so don't panic. My son does run away, not listen, not care, meltdowns etc. it's hard.

@Vvvvvvvvvvv things sound very tricky at the min.

Remember when you see people doing 'nice things' you haven't seen:

The pre leave the house shouting match

The 10 millionth times the parents has asked the children to get dressed/put shoes on/get coat whatever

The exhaustive research about where to go is it open can my child escape from it etc

The pre planning have we got the million snacks and extra shit we have to take everywhere.

The screaming match before bed so that they actually went to sleep so they could go and do the nice thing

The parents chasing their kid as they bolted for the millionth time that day

The parents crying in the shower so no one sees cos it's just that bloody hard sometimes.

Don't compare yourself to others.

Ask what you CAN do. And what you can DO ABOUT IT x

You can do this. There is a solution we just need to find it. Is there a disabled lockable changing room you could use? Member of staff willing to help? Another user of the pool? I would help if somebody approached me. Wheelchair he could be strapped into? Don't give up.

All three year olds are tricky regardless of sen or not. This is not your fault so do not beat yourself up about it xxxx

@Vvvvvvvvvvv what consequences have you consistently tried?

Don't worry,mine would do this.younget them dressed first and give them a packet of crisps or other high interest long eating snack then get dressed before they finish it.clothes so basic enough to get out of there,even a dry robe? Crisps is the key though.

Ugh I feel your pain! I have twin 3 year olds, one ASD, competely non verbal and often doesnt hear instructions. Hates the changing room. So we had the same problem. My best advice is immediate SNACKS. Mine are starving after a good swim. Its a bit of a gross place to eat, but I plonk them both on a towel on the bench, put a biscuit in each hand and throw on my joggies, bra tshirt and sliders. Then I get them dressed. They are all over the place so I also throw a sacrifical towel on the floor. I chuck everything wet into an ikea bag. Also crocs are helpful so they dont need to wear socks. Good luck it will get easier as time goes on.xx

I know it’s my fault @Whatelsecouldibecalled but I don’t know what consequences I can try or have at this age. Increasingly I’m wanting to be physical with him to be honest.

Your options are

1. Stop going
2. find another pool
3. take someone with you
4. take reigns. You absolutely can get dried and changed while holding onto reigns of a toddler. I've done it.
5. throw on dry robe for you, towel poncho for him and get changed elsewhere or go straight home (assuming you are traveling by car)

You aren't failing and your child coping at nursery doesn't mean anything.

However, you need to adjust your expectations. If something isn't working, stop doing it. I know you have an idea about what you want your child's childhood to be like but for some children that isn't doable.

I'd also look at speaking to your HV, tantrums that last for hours sound more like meltdowns.

It is NOT your fault in any way and don't listen to the perfect parents that say it is they only exist on mumsnet

I know we have to stop going, just really upset about it