Child running off after swimming

[Vvvvvvvvvvv]

When I’m half in and half out of my clothes … it’s so dangerous as obviously there’s a pool and it’s wet and slippy. It’s really stressing me out and none of the other kids seem to do it. Help!

He's 3, a long time since I had a 3 year old but I would be explaining that swimming was not going to happen because he won't do as he's told. He must be able to understand that?
Otherwise take him to a regular pool where you can share a locked changing cubicle with him.

He wouldn’t care though … just thought swimming was important.

Thanks for the advice. I’m just becoming worried that the things we can do are becoming so restricted.

Snacks! The only way to get my 3yr old to keep still after swimming

Swimming is important, but I wouldn't say it was important at 3. And not so important that if your child can't behave then you should still do it.

I would try again at 4 or 5.

Will he run around if he is wet and cold, or will he sit on a towel/get himself dry

I would try getting yourself dry and dressed immediately you get out of the pool, and wear clothes you can put on really quickly (or a tracksuit you just pull over your swimsuit). While you are doing that, give him a flannel and tell him to dry his arms, then when he has done that to dry his legs, then when he has done that to dry his toes (and they will keep getting wet so it will buy you some time. Then his face, hair, ears, back etc. then ask him to bring you your shoes, how many legs are on the chair, what colour the sky is and do cats go moo. Just keep his brain busy so he doesnt think “I’m bored I’ll go and run around”. Once you are dressed with shoes on (take crocs) then get him dressed

I suppose. Just like I say, becoming so hard not being able to go anywhere or do anything.

But you must have a pushchair.
Just keep him strapped in.

I don’t actually - he is very nearly 3, but anyway we can’t take pushchairs on the poolside. Plus, he can actually escape from pushchairs, and car seats, high chairs etc, has been able to since being about 18 months.

Op you're not really reflecting on what you are doing in these situations?

What kind of activities or situations is your DS easiest in?

Does his behaviour improve if he’d doing something physical outside, for example?
Does he do better if you go to softplay and chase him around?
Does he do well if you do 1:1 activities like baking at home?

What situations are most stressful and most likely to trigger tantrums and problem behaviour?

Figure out what works for you. Toddlers are tough. They all behave in ways that make you wish the ground could swallow you up sometimes.

Play to his strengths until he becomes more of a person you can reason with!

Surely there are reins and straps in them?
None of my children could undo reins.

I meant that there were other places you could take him to, where a pushchair or buggy could be used
If he gets out of car seats, how do you drive him anywhere?

Do you mean after swimming? I think that one is particularly difficult as it’s so hard doing anything when you’re half in and out of clothes.

But if you speak firmly to him he just starts giggling hysterically, flinging his head back and cackling uproariously. So that doesn’t work.

He ignores any form of bribery. So for instance he keeps climbing on a jacuzzi, I give him a snack (not really supposed to have any food but anyway) he’d take the snack then climb on the jacuzzi.

I know I’m doing a bad job and want to be better but I don’t know what I can do, a lot of the time.

Like I say @TheShellBeach life’s becoming very restricted.

What other things can you not do? Right or wrong, my world revolved around toddler based things at that stage -park's, playgrounds, woods, soft play, scooting, walking (he'd have walked for miles with a little trolley of dinky cars!). I went with it. For me outdoor parenting was always easier. Indoors then jigsaws together, duplo, reading, playdoh etc.
God... I think I used up all my energy then as I don't have an ounce of it now!!

OP I always added reins to highchairs, so they could not get out.
Same for buggies. I didn't just rely on the straps.

I used to take mine swimming, there were changing rooms and all I did was put a hooded poncho towel over Ds, and stripped off his trunks before sitting him down. I gave him a drink and a snack. I wore clothes that didn't even need underwear, so joggers and a thick hoodie and slip on sandals. It meant I was dry and dressed before he even had chance to finish his snack. Then I got him dressed. I was only going from the pool to the car so it didn't matter about the no underwear bit for the 5 minute drive home.

Also set out expected behaviour, talk him through it several times and say when you finish swimming you will get a snack and a drink and Mummy will get dressed. Then <insert name> you will get dressed after Mummy.

He is little they do this sort of shit all the time, they do grow out of it. Don't be so hard on yourself.

We can’t do any of those at the moment.

He has these tantrums which are just - I can’t even explain. I know tantrums are normal but they last hours and he is hysterical, can’t breathe, gasping, panting like a dog, shaking.

So here’s the thing.

Let’s say we are at a park he refuses to go, I make him go, he has one of those tantrums. I don’t feel Like it’s helped anyone. It hasn’t helped him realise I’m in charge because he’s beyond that iyswim it hasn’t helped me, it’s horrific

I suppose in my heart of hearts I know the only answer is just to muddle through but I feel so sad when I see parents doing nice things with their children.

Ah cross posts. In that case maybe stop for a while until it gets better. But when he starts giggling don't make eye contact with him at all. Or dry robe both of you and straight to the car.

Does he have special needs of any sort?

That sounds more like meltdowns than ordinary tantrums.
Have you asked the health visitor about this?

I used to teach kids/ baby swimming. And both my boys were also absconders when small, so I've seen it from both sides..

Take a snuggly towel, wrap toddler in towel (do not dress). Provide food to toddler and dress yourself quickly while they are distracted. Now you are at least dressed for the inevitable toddler carnage.oh, and you always feel like your child is the only one that does it. They aren't !!!

It's beginning to sound a bit like it.

I think it’s more likely my parenting as he’s OK at nursery.

How you feel yourself when he has the tantrum matters too. You know tantrums are age appropriate and even part of development. Do you find yourself getting stressed and panicked? Can you expect the tantrum and roll with it? It is upsetting when they get into a total knot but he needs you to be calm and regulate him when he can't. Must go but will check later. I'm a teacher and play therapist and honestly coregulation is magical for a child in a stressful situation.