Newborn arriving, what to do with the 3yo?

[pizzanoodle]

Hi everyone,

We have a 3 year old daughter and a baby boy on the way in December (due date 21st December).

Both mine and my partner's parents are overseas and they can't travel due to various reasons.

So the question is: should we send our older one to her grandparents for 3 weeks (or longer)?

The alternative is that we have a newborn and a 3yo to take care of at the same time. While I'm sure many people have done that before, our 3yo is prone to flus and colds and we're worried that she might pass it to the newborn. The other consideration is that I will have a c section this time due to various reasons (natural delivery the first time), and therefore recovery might be more prolonged and so it might be easier to have 1 baby to take care of instead of 2.

The downside of having the 3yo away is that she would be away from us for 3 weeks. She's done that before with her grandparents whom she is quite close with. The worry is whether she will find it more difficult to adjust to having a little brother when she comes back from her grandparents'. If she stayed with us all the time perhaps there's less change to deal with.

Appreciate that it's a long post but would be interesting in your experience and thoughts

Best,
Mel

Keep her. I think it will be really traumatic for her to come back to the baby. Just use the money you would have spent sending her away to get help for the first six minths.

Don’t sent a 3yr old away for 3 wwwks. They will remember it and like with siblings arrival

Even with a c section, I can't imagine sending a 3 year old away when you welcome a new baby, especially over Christmas would ever be a good idea, the poor kid will think she's been replaced!

It's going to be hard work with 2 regardless so you might aswell just jump right in and unless you're a single parent household, which it sounds like you're not then your partner will have to do the bulk of you end up recovering from a section

Keep your daughter with you and crack on with parenting- you both need to learn to manage two children.

A 3 year old and a newborn is hard regardless. Just dive right in all together as a family - it's not worth the shock of all of you on the retun if you send them away.

Try not to overthink the colds etc from the toddler. There really isn't much you can do about it and babies immune systems need to be tested. It's not fun but just part of having more then one child.

Good luck and enjoy! Have a lovely Xmas with your expanded family

Xx

You can’t send a three year old away for the birth of their sibling, you will be setting yourself up for years of resentment for the sake of sucking it up short term.
Second babies are much easier than the first. First time round you are adjusting from your child free days and don’t know how to do anything. It is so so so much easier second time around.
Dad needs to prioritise the three year old whilst you deal with birth, feeding etc. Then dad can take baby whilst you give the three year old some one to one time, bedtime story, bath time etc.
It honestly is much easier the second time around.

Oh and second babies have great immune systems as they are exposed to all their siblings bugs. Anyone you know with two dc has done this, most don’t have family help, we just get on with it. This is not your pfb.

Don't send your 3 year old away. They'll feel like the new baby has pushed them out.

Our eldest was 2.5 when we had our second and we had no support. We just got on with it (I had a section). You need to make sure your partner steps up and does most of what needs doing at first and doesn't leave it all for you.

Don't send the three year old away, that's awful.

Buy in as much help as you can possibly afford.

Don't send her away! Poor kid would be really traumatised and would think the baby had replaced her. Make sure you have some good childcare in place with someone she knows well for the actual birth. It's good you're having a C section as you'll know when it will be and you won't have a mad scramble to find childcare in the wee small hours or anything. You'll cope as a family. Presumably your partner will get paternity leave, and there's Christmas which will buy a few more days off too. Cough and colds are not ideal but all second borns have to contend with this- it would be really unkind to send the older child away.

Why on earth would you send a 3 Yr old away because you have a new baby? Get your partner to take some parental leave and take one child each.

Another vote for not sending your poor toddler away for weeks only for her to return to a new baby.

Is there anyone that can help out? No friends, parents of toddler friends? Otherwise, can someone come and support you so your partner is at home for the other child?

You absolutely cannot send the three year old away.

It'll be tough, but that's just something you have to deal with! It's your choice to have a second baby.

I would look into finding a local babysitter who can help out with the older one or a maternity nurse for the baby.

Who's going to have the three year old when you go in to have the baby/are in hospital?

Sincerely hoping this is a wind-up cos there's no way this is a good plan at all. Wow.

The money that you would spend on travel use for
a cleaner
Good quality freezer meals eg cook
maybe a teenage ‘mothers helper’
You will be able to do this. It will be a challenge. You will need to lower expectations but it is very possible

Don't send her away she will feel she has been pushed out for the baby and it will be harder for her to settle. She is part of the family and needs to feel that way

You can't do that OP. They won't forget it.

I think I slightly misread as I assumed the main concern was for when you are giving birth.

As for the rest of it, you just kind of suck it up and take any support you can get.

Both plan ahead, fill the freezer with easy food and get on with it. If you're having a section then your partner is going to need to do a lot.

This.

If you send her away she’ll be away over Christmas, right? No, please don’t do that!

Is the 3yo in nursery? Ours was 3.5 when DC2 was born and attending 3 days and that helped a lot. I had a c-section and was lucky to have a long paternity leave (6m), so he was around to help during the whole recovery time. I would have struggled without him there. Can he use annual leave after his paternity leave ends? Or unpaid parental leave? I suppose you can always looking into buying in help like a maternity/night nurse (using money that would have paid for flights etc for your older dc). But it was also a lovely bonding time with both dcs and it would be a shame not to have that time.

This. You can't send the poor kid away because you have a new baby. You've chosen to have two kids so now you have to parent them. Jeez

It's the Xmas holidays unfortunately so nursery will be closed! I would book in a maternity nurse now and spend the money on that. Or a fun student if you live near a uni that can start doing babysitting fun with your 3yo and then can do daily help over the Xmas holidays- there will be plenty of students with related degrees looking for a job like that

Ps assuming grandparents won't fly over?

You can't send a 3 year old away abroad for 3 weeks + and then they suddenly have a new baby to come back to. What are you thinking?!

You'll cope. Most people do ; coughs, colds, caesarean section, Christmas and all. You're a family and your 3 year old is totally part of it.